To wonder whether SIL has been shopped to social services?

[YanknCock]

Our niece is not even two years old, and through the PILs we've been told that the BIL/SIL have 'hired' a 'social worker' to consult with about their daughter's 'behavioural problems'.

Granted I don't spend a lot of time with them, but the PILs do and are are pretty upset. They don't think there is anything their granddaughter is doing that isn't completely normal for an almost two year old.

I must admit my first thought was to wonder whether someone had shopped them to social services and saying this was BIL/SILs way of covering it up.

AIBU, or does this sound a bit odd to anyone else? I would have thought social workers have far too high a workload for random people to be phoning up and asking for behavioural services for a baby/toddler!

I never knew social workers were for hire? It's either a cover up or your PILS have got it wrong....could they have hired a behavior expert...something along the lines of super nanny?

Very strange. If you did want to buy in some help, it'd be a child psychologist, surely, not a SW? Are there any independent social workers acting as consultants for hire?

Do SS even do 'behaviourial problems'? There was a thread on here a few days ago about teens drinking/taking drugs and having sex and SS wouldn't help with those cases. I coubt fery much that a two yo could do anything worse than that!

Surely CAHMS is where you would get help with serious behaviour issues ina toddler?

Sounds a bit odd to me too. But saying that, if SIL wants to keep things to herself, that's upto her really. Which is a shame, because speaking from experience if they are involved she will need all the support she can get.

It's not totally unreasonable to think PILs have gotten the exact title of the person wrong, but definitely they were told that some type of professional was coming round the BIL/SILs house to help them with their DD's 'behavioural problems'.

PILs are quite worried and said 'what if she has an accident or something and has to go to A&E? They've have a docket on them!' So they really think it is a social worker from the council.

BIL/SIL are unemployed and wouldn't have the money to hire anyone privately, so it can't be someone independent. They have an aversion to paying for things anyway. (I'm sure I've ranted at length elsewhere about SIL's habit of complaining whereever she goes about everything in hopes of compensation/free meals).

PILs were really upset this morning about SIL's actions last night. Apparently she made DN stand in the 'naughty corner' for trying to get to a toy. PILs were slating her for not just putting it out of sight and think DN is too young for being 'naughty'.

homestart volunteer?

portage worker?? - my mum used to visit baby/toddler age children at home but i think that was for physical sen.

Dd2 has been to A and E with an egg sized lump on her head after SS were involved with us and there was no follow up, so I don't think there will be any issues there. You can reassure your PIL on that one

Could it be a Health Visitor who is coming?

Family support worker? Community family helper volunteery person?

Or Supernanny.

Really, it may not be social services at all.

My DF freaked when I told him I was being visited by a Health Visitor after DD was born - he thought I'd been assigned a social worker and worried they'd opened a casebook on me

I just don't think they had HVs or anyone to help you in their day - just Social Workers, then maybe later the Truancy Officer.

Just wanted to point out that having visists from Social Services doesn't have to mean you've been reported. You can ask for support from Social Services if you are struggling as a family, whether from ill health of any other issue (which could include behavioural problems). Doesn't mean you will have policemen lurking in every bush to check up on you. We have had a fair bit of SS involvement in our day, and are still able to take children to hospital without encountering suspicion.

In our area, there is a team that does community outreach which has social workers in it.

Could it be a family worker from the surestart centre?

DH has talked to his mum again this evening and she seems to think now it's a health visitor that is coming round.

I think the PILs biggest concern is that they don't like the way BIL/SIL (SIL particularly) treat their daughter. MIL was on phone telling DH how heartbreaking it is for her watching her DGD getting told off for everything and put in 'naughty corners', with no positive reinforcement to balance it out.

I hear you saying 'meddling mother-in-law', but honestly the woman is so passive, it is a big deal if she's willing to speak up and say something (even if it is not directly to the person involved!). She is really distressed.

The little girl is not even two yet, I'm inclined to think some parenting classes for BIL and SIL would be helpful. Unfortunately they have the attitude that their daughter is the 'problem' and they need help in controlling her. It wouldn't occur to them that some of her 'behaviour', if inconvenient to them, is perfectly normal for a toddler. I can totally see them phoning up a health visitor and wanting him/her to fix their kid, not considering that their own attitude/actions have anything to do with it.

Well, it might not be a bad thing - depending on the HV, if she has half a brain she'll work out where the problem really lies and get them to see it too - hopefully it will all work out OK.

From what you tell us, it sounds a very positive thing that she is getting outside involvement. Parenting classes may indeed be what the HV suggests. And I think your FIL worries unnecessarily about the stigma.