Alcohol and relationship

(3 Posts)
user1475360947 Thu 06-Oct-16 09:58:06

Hi folks,
I'm a male and looking some advice. I am 37 and have recently split from my wife, the main factor in this being the fact that I am an alcoholic (I had been drinking 8 -10 beer per night and probably more on weekends) I am what would be described as a high functioning alcoholic, I got up and went to work in the morning and all the bills etc were paid and paid on time.

My wife left after one of many arguments just over a month ago. She says she had been unhappy for years and had been shielding my step daughter and son from my drinking and moods following drink - I would stress there has never been any violence in our relationship.

There have been issues with dsd ref use of alcohol and drugs - and when she wasn't behaving I may have gone too far in trying to get her to behave (possibly grounding for too long, not speaking to her, or blcompletely banning her from the internet). I have also been grumpy when not drinking the following day. Dsd is now 19 and recently dropped out of university (since, but not related to split with dw)

We also have a son who is ten years old. I also would have been in moods with him or been quick to anger when he did things which he shouldn't (kicking football in house etc)

OH has said that she has been unhappy and hasn't loved me for years, but in the other hand says that she does care for me and the final straw was over her going guarantor for a flat for dsd which I was not happy about (daughter isn't even named on flat lease)

Following split from OH I have enrolled in a recovery programme, they couldn't take me straight away and I immediately started in AA, I am sober today and have been for the past month.

The issue is OH won't take me back, I know I can't expect it straight away or possibly ever but was just wondering if any of you have been through similar and if there is anything I can do....I love my wife and would do ANYTHING to get her back, however she will not do anything to work towards it, won't think of marriage counseling, refused Al anon, and won't even consider going for coffee.

I'd appreciate any advice good or bad, as I say I'm in recovery, have a better relationship with my son and am trying to build bridges with step daughter

Dozer Thu 06-Oct-16 10:10:25

Sounds like you're on a good path: very very early days. Best respect her space, concentrate on your sobriety, parenting and stay single - your ex may or may not decide to take you back if you can stay sober.

vxa2 Mon 10-Oct-16 12:25:16

Well done user. You might want to look at the Dry 15 thread. There is lots of support there. I too am an alcoholic and am approaching 200 days sober.

For a male perspective you might find sober blogs helpful. These are both written by men and are a good starting place http://needtostopdrinking.wordpress.com and
https://jimsdad.wordpress.com

I have a blog too: http://sothisissober.com

Take care.

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