Questions about stopping drinking for those who have beaten the booze

[AWholeLottaNosy]

I'm really struggling with stopping drinking at the moment. I know I need to but it's not going well at the moment. So I have a few questions for those of you who have successfully stopped;

1 Was there a final straw moment that made you realise you had to stop?

2 How have you found the AA meetings?

3 Do you have a technique you use when you really crave a drink?

4 When you stopped, what issues did you realise the drinking had been masking?

Any thoughts or advice would be really helpful to me right now.

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

Can I ask how often you're drinking? I used to have a bottle of wine to myself 2-3 times a week and regret it the next day. I never had the courage to go to a meeting or confide in anyone because I was embarrassed. I remember hearing on the radio last year that those who grew up with alcoholic parents were more likely to develop a drink problem and I thought what rubbish I'm fine. Until the drinking got heavier and I'd have rum or whisky once the wine had gone. I was determined to beat it because I was desperate to have another child. I last had a drink nearly 5 weeks ago and that was on a night out. In the run up to that I cut down to drinking about once a week because I didn't fancy it anymore. Two weeks after the night out I discovered I was pregnant and so happy. Haven't touched a drop since the night out. There are some nights where I fancy a glass of wine rather than a bottle but then think I'd rather have this baby than a drink. On the days where I wasn't drinking I'd drink a fizzy drink or white grape and elderflower Shloer. It tasted similar to the White wine I'd drink and eventually weaned me off alcohol. I'd like to think I won't touch alcohol after my baby is born but I can never say never. Best of luck to you! It can be done

[AWholeLottaNosy]

I'm drinking a bottle of wine a night at the moment. Mainly because I'm on my own and I feel lonely depressed and sad.

[ninawish]

I finally gave it up after reading about women on here in the Dry thread who had done it. I was like wow there are women like me drinking every night and waking up feeling like crap every single day and they have successfully given up.

They were talking about sobriety blogs and I looked them up and started reading lots and lots of women in the same boat as me (many units a week) and I used the blogs and forums as my online version of AA

The most valuable thing for me was learning my triggers which were the 7pm feeling and needing it for stress release. I also loved sitting in front of tv with a drink in the evenings and sitting there getting numb after a long day. So I removed myself from
Those triggers by going to bed very early like 7pm I even had my dinner in bed the first few days I know pretty disgusting and reading the blogs for support almost constantly. It helped me enormously to read other women's experiences and feelings on it.

I also discovered alcohol free beer which I like the taste of so that is my substitute for alcohol. I can now quite easily open an alcohol free beer at the end if the day with some nibbles and watch tv whereas before in early sobriety I had to even avoid the tv room! unbelievably too I now look forward to the alcohol free beer Which for me is astounding

I also did the video thing where you play yourself in your head the next morning after drink (feeling terrible) and then making the choice to not drink and waking up feeling fab about yourself - this worked very well for me

I had my last drink on 31 august so am heading towards month 4. I can't believe I've done it! initially I was going for 2 days but kept reading about other women in 10 days etc and constantly reading inspiring stories and also stories of why not to drink it kept me motivated to carry on tho after probably 3 weeks it was a million times easier and I'm not reading any support blogs or forums now apart from mumsnet stuff

I had started moderating for about 18 months before this but was still drinking every night and lots on weekend.

hope that helps

[ninawish]

Oh and issues. 3 months later I'm much happier I was depressed before and I'm now 90% sure the alcohol was working as a depressant. I was lurching from drinking to waking up having coffee to feel normal somehow struggling through day and then started to feel better in afternoon and them the while cycle started again.

Since the first 10 days or so I've had a few very blue days but that's it

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

ninawish I was like you. Once it hit 7pm I'd start drinking and certain tv shows would be my companion such as eastenders or Geordie shore. Watching them get drunk made me feel better about my drinking even though it was stupid and dangerous. Another thing that put me off was thinking if something happened to dd in the night how could I take her to hospital steaming drunk?! And would I even wake up? Well done though for lasting so long!

[AWholeLottaNosy]

That's great! I've been reading a lot of those long threads on here about women managing to give up. They are v inspiring. Just need to bite the bullet and do it myself now...

[Bowlersarm]

Would it help to have a start date in mind, rather than trying to give up now with Christmas round the corner. It must be a bit like turning vegetarian once someone puts a delicious bacon butty in front of you.

I can't really advise because I haven't given up drinking, I have cut down a lot in recent years and reasonably successfully moderate.

But if I were you and trying to make a go of giving up for good, I would start on January 1st and do 'Dry January' - you can hide amongst everyone else who is doing it for both inspiration and support, and if you don't want to make a big thing of it with family and friends, by telling them you are doing Dry January the spotlight won't be on you.

Four weeks alcohol free is a good platform to then continue.

Read Alan Carr and Jason vale both in the meantime, as they advise carrying on drinking to the end of the books, which might coincide with a January 1st timescale, and those books may be the inspiration you need.

You might think that's all bollocks coming from someone who hasn't stopped drinking, so sorry if you do, it's just an idea.

There is also a forum called brighteyescouncelling I take a look at from time to time which you can join and do progressive challenges 7 day alcohol free, two weeks and so on.

I go for the odd month alcohol free myself and I'm planning a Dry January; and considering signing up to Belles 'tired of thinking about drinking' 100 day challenge. I did sign up and she contacted me to start but I chickened out and deferred it! I feel fairly confident I'm going to give it a go in 2015.

Good luck with whatever you do.

[aquawater]

Awholelot I was also in the habit of drinking every night. I try and take it one day at a time. So I'm NOT going to drink today. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next day but today I'm not having a drink. So some days I wake up feeling good. I've been reminded of how that feels and it helps me.

I also do very early nights. When my ds goes to bed at 8.30 I'll go for a bath and a bit of a pamper then bed so out of the kitchen where the booze is.

I've also started taking a vitamin in the morning and milk thistle tablets and eating grapefruit (all supposedly good for the liver!). It sort of reminds me every morning that I'm trying to be healthy.

Stay around here and you will get support!

[CornChips]

Hello! I am on the DRY thread and hope to jump in and say hi. :) In the early days i also used to go to bed very very early. My trigger times were coming in from the school run and pouring the first glass of wine at 4pm. I would come in and have a shower instead, and it stopped the 'habit'. Now I am more than happy to come in, go straight for my favourite drink of ginger cordial and diet lemonade. The sober blogs mentioned upthread are a lifesaver for me, as is DRY. Just knowing that other people feel the same way helps me. It gets so so much better, really.

[ninawish]

Glitzandgiggles. Interesting! I thought I was the only loser who liked to get sloshed on the sofa

I too have worried about DC being sick and not being able to drive. I'm
Hopefully free of that now.

[ninawish]

Cornchips. I'm going to try that ginger cordial and lemonade x

[AWholeLottaNosy]

So didn't have a great night. Had a date so had a glass of wine before I went out, 2 large glasses of wine and a double Southern Comfort and lemonade and then the rest of the bottle of wine when I came home. Fell asleep on the sofa, woke up at 11.30. Bollocks! Just can't have one as when I have one I can't stop as my judgement goes. I went upstairs to put the heater and my electric blanket in my bedroom on and they were already on. I don't even remember putting them on!

[AWholeLottaNosy]

Wish I could just have one.

[ninawish]

Awholelotta. Sorry to hear that. Go easy on yourself, tomorrow is another day, you are on a journey and the fact you are posting here is a good thing. It may take you more nights like these before you stop. I was trying to moderate for at least 18 months before I gave up and am still on the journey. I had some horrible drink fuelled nights where I drank loads too all while reading the Alan Carr stuff ironic!

Practice lots of self love (was very hard for me to do this) doesn't matter if you think you've failed tonight. Be kind to yourself tomorrow.

xxxxx

[aquawater]

Hi Awholelotta, hope you are OK this morning.

So today is another day, a fresh start. I'm not going to have a drink today why don't you join me? Don't worry about any other day just concentrate on today.

[CornChips]

As others have said, today is another day. :) You have already stopped drinking just waking up, so why start! Also, plan a nice sober treat for tomorrow when you have got through today. Anything that you like, but rarely spend money on- nice magazine, decent chocolate, a good cup of coffee out. Something that rewards you. (Sober treats are the best )

[AWholeLottaNosy]

So today I did a cost/benefit analysis of my drinking. Quite a revelation!

Costs of drinking

Working with a hangover ( not pleasant or enjoyable)
Wasted days feeling ill
Dry skin
Red skin
Say stupid things
Sleep with people I shouldn't have
Put on weight
Liver damage
Tired all the time
Can't just enjoy one or two
Feel like I can't socialise without it
Throwing up
Unsettled sleep
Feel bad about myself
Constantly thinking about stopping and feel bad when I don't
Constant worry about the damage I'm doing to myself
The huge expense
Danger of diabetes
Wasted, semi comatose evenings
Other people judging me
Thinking about it all the time.
Not enjoying life
Feel weak and out of control
Irritable and bad tempered
Makes me depressed

Benefits

Makes me happy
Makes me confident
Tastes nice
Sociable
Makes me more outgoing
Makes me like myself more
Makes me feel warm inside.
I like pubs
I like a glass of wine with a meal.

Good God! Every single one of those 'benefits' are actually a lie. In fact the opposite of most of those are actually true. Ok I might feel warm, confident and happy for half an hour but I always end up feeling ill, depressed and self hating. I do like pubs but that's only cos everyone else there is drinking so it seems 'normalised' IYSWIM.

I AM NOT DRINKING TODAY.

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

I just knew when it was time to stop. My drinking was really bad and it was affecting my everyday life. I knew I would have to stop at some point and then one night I drank loads but didn't feel drunk iyswim. That was Jan 19, 2003 and I haven't drunk since.

I went to AA everyday for the first 6 months and still go 3 times a week. I have a sponsor and I also sponsor people. I found AA confusing at first but after awhile I really got into it.

I used to get really strong cravings at first so I would eat a lot of sweets. I'd also tell myself that I wasn't going to drink that day but if I still wanted a drink the next day I could. I kept putting it off day by day and after awhile the cravings went.

I still get the odd thought every now and then but I tell myself if the booze didn't work back then why would it work now?

As for what issues I uncovered when I stopped - none really. I found out who I was and stopped being just an alcoholic. I found that actually I'm a quite nice person and although I am an alcoholic and always will be it doesn't have to define me anymore.

I hope that helps. It does easier as time goes on.

[ninawish]

A wholelotta most of the negatives you listed were so me when I was drinking. I look back now and think wow I can't believe I felt like that for years and still did it!! All for a couple of hours sat watching tv getting sloshed at night

good luck with not having a drink

[AWholeLottaNosy]

I've had a bottle of Supermalt tonight ( apparently it's good for drinkers as it's full of B bits) Tasted weird but was ok! Had a bath, a delicious steak and chips and a soft drink and NO ALCOHOL!

Spent hours reading past threads by the women here who have faced their own battles with booze. Such great advice, honesty and courage. I'm going to an AA meeting tomorrow, been to a couple before but need to go to more to really 'get it'. Will wake up without a hangover tomorrow, yay!

[AWholeLottaNosy]

• vits not bits!

[CornChips]

How do you feel today?! I bet you feel good. :)

I would be interested to know how the AA meeting went.

On the sheer expense aspect - Lucy has an app that calculates how much you save by not-drinking. She and her OH have saved something like £5 k in a year! I calculate myself, based on what I am doing and where I may have been (so, for example, if I went to Aldi then I calculate the price of a bottle of Aldi wine compared with the days I go to Waitrose, and when I go out to the pub I calculate the cost of 3 large glasses etc). Since the 31st November I have 'saved' £123.73. Those are no small sums!

You seriously need a sober treat today. First day celebration. :)

[AWholeLottaNosy]

Well I found it v hard to sleep ( been avidly reading the Brave Babes threads, which are really helping), but felt fine this morning. Got loads done today and am currently drinking tonic water with ice and lemon. Looking forward to going back to AA in a slightly more positive mood. Need to get loads more soft drinks in. Am also vaping so not had a fag today too!

Thanks for asking. Yes it is a very expensive habit, easily £5 a week. And there's loads of special offers on Sparkling wines at the moment. Last week I was drinking a bottle of it a day...

[strawberryblondebint]

It took a lot for me to stop drinking. Booze took it all. My kids my husband at the time and my job. I'm 3 and a half years sober. My children are in my life. I have a new husband and a job. I go to aa every single week as I need reminded of where I came from. I have recently watched a fellow member and good friend take a drink after 6 years and lose everything all over again and in scared the next time I hear from him will be to attend a funeral. Catch it now while you can. It's a very patient disease and every time I have relapsed hell gets worse. My life now is incredible. I look back and think oh my god. How the fuck did that happen but it did and I am a better person sober. Plus the people I love the most have peace of mind. Be vigilant. Keep going to meetings. Pm me if you want. There's a whole life out there for you that's so much better.

[AWholeLottaNosy]

Thanks for that. I know I have a problem with alcohol, ever since I was 17 and I'm 50 next month. I feel like I'm slowly killing myself. It's not enjoyable and the cost is too high. Reading the stories of the many women on here who've struggled with it like I have, found ways of dealing with it, fallen off the wagon and got back on again has given me the courage to really give it a go. The best piece of advice was about 'seeing the film right to the end', ie, it's not just one glass, it's the bottle, maybe more, feeling hungover the next day, having to have a drink just to feel better, and so the cycle continues...