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we are currently going thru adoption process for our second child, likely to be aged 9 to 12 months. we already have a dd of school age. we have only told a couple of people at school dd is adopted and dont want to publisise it any further.. anyone else been in a similar situation,how have you explained the new baby?
My experience of this is when my friends adopted. Once they were a bit along in the process and had been accepted/were waiting for their baby, they mentioned it to us, much in the same way as other friends told us they were expecting. For people who knew them less well, they found out when baby arrived/or just before when they went to get her.
In some ways I think it's inevitable that people may ask if your dd is also adopted ... or her friends will ask her - not because you are publisising it, just because it will come up naturally.
We've always been totally open about it on the theory that if it isn't a secret no one can use it against the child. Totally open about the fact that they are adopted I mean, not about the reasons why.
With child no.2 I tell people we're hoping/thinking/trying for another. And then only once the child is definitely arriving do we tell the world. Obviously some friends know more.
Yeah can understand that and some people seem to find it reasonable to ask the most impertinent questions too.
What I do find helps is to have a very sort of vague set of answers "Oh, children need adopting for all sorts of reasons" or even just "thanks for your interest" - and then a bit blunter "All these rules on confidentiality these days...", get the tone right and you can convey piss off without actually saying so!
And the same for why adopting - if you don't want to give an explanation you don't owe it to anyone to do so "Oh people adopt for all sorts of reasons these days" and have a change of subject ready - "so, can you point me to any good baby-friendly cafes?" or something else to divert.
A new baby, how exciting! I really hope the worry of what to say doesn't spoil the anticipation.
