Great friend of mine hoping to adopt...quick bit of advice please!

[LittlePushka]

I have the dearest friend anyone could hope to have. After difficult IVF and health problems she and her DH are going to pursue a possible adoption.

Question: I want to support her in every possible way. I have no experience of adoptters or adoptees at all! Can anybody suggest a good website I could clue up on AND give me any tips as to how your friends helped/are helping you through it.

I would be VERY grateful for a couple of mins of your time in posting. Thanks

(I have a 2 yo and a 7 mth old BTW)

[mumwhereareyou]

Adoption Uk is a fantastic website for you and your friends to use.

We adopted a sibling group of three 3 yrs ago and best thing we ever did.

I do know that most agencies whether local authority or voluntary ones like you to have waited a year since last IVF treatment.

Some councils have big waiting lists and ours in Lincs have adverts saying that they are only looking for people that want sibling groups or chidlren over the age of 5.

It can be a long drawn out process but is well worth it.

Our friends helped by being referees and leting us look after their children for long weekends etc to get childcare experience, also just used to listen to us talk about the process.

Best of luck to them and they are lucky to have friends like you that are interested in them.

[LittlePushka]

Why thank you MWAY,...shall trot toff there immediately!

[blithedance]

It is great of you to be so supportive LP.

The gold standard adoption website in the UK is Adoptionuk which has a great forum. She should also subscribe to their very informative paper magazine,(and the Children who wait supplement if relevant).

Apart from that, just being a good mate and being there. It's such a long and uncertain process you find you don't want to update everyone on all the ins/outs/delays, but to have a small circle of trusted people where you can just unload, is really great.

Also let them have lots of practice with your own kids, basically adopt them as auntie/uncle. The social services really get down on childless couples who don't have experince of children (duh!) so it helps to be able to give them chapter and verse on trips to park/sleepovers etc.

They will have lots of prep and a long reading list, but you are able to read a relevant book or article about attachment, then they will have a friend on the same wavelenght rather than someone who says things like "Oh, they won't remember anything after a few months" or the like.

[blithedance]

thinking alike.

You can also mention that another Mumsnetter has adopted a sibling group of 2 and they are the light of her life, and parenting is better than she ever thought it could be. (So far!).

[LittlePushka]

Am on that site now and am cruising about a bit to see where I can find relevant posts. She has asked me if I would consider being a referee for them and of course I will. never thought about the attachment angle,...thanks for that.(Pushka trots off to retrieve more info)...

BTW, having spent a very short time looking at the postings on the said website I was very humbled and warmed by such a huge concentration of humanity wanting to give themselves to LO's.

[LittlePushka]

PS blithedance,...shall tell her !

[kidsrgreat]

Hi
we adopted 3 fantastic children
adoption uk great site

I thoroughly recommend the catholic chn's society for apporoval etc , much better than local authority . They only deal with adoption and fostering and they offer support from initial assesment until chn are up to 18 years old . Absolutely fabulous

A friend of mine and i are thinking of doing a website just for adoptive parents , cos there is a definite need out there

[LittlePushka]

knowing nothing about it, permission to ask a really thick queston kidsgreat, is the catholic childrens society you mention limited to prospective adopters who are of catholic faith?

[kidsrgreat]

not at all . In fact rhey are about to change their name cos they have broken away from catholic church.this means that they can now approve unmarried couples and same sex couples which they couldn't before.

They are an independent adoption agency, with branches in Portsmouth , Southwark , arundel and brighton and Winchester.

[LittlePushka]

Thank you KRG, that is really helpful...will google it to find out more.

If you do get your website up and running ( and I wish you well with it ) I hope you will announce it here!

Thanks again

[beemail]

Would agree about Adoption UK - great organisation and in most areas have regular meetings for people going through process. We learnt a lot from these meetings. Had a relinguishing birth mother at one of ours - an evening I'll never forget. Our friends supported us by acting as referees and by allowing us to look after their children. This was mentioned in the reference. They were also able to say they'd be part of our support network once child arrived which was also helpful. BTW I think we offended people by not asking them to be refs so don't be offended if they don't ask. There can be all sorts of reasons for not doing so! Generally just ongoing support really there'll no doubt be ups and downs ,times when you feel like talking about it and times when you don't etc The whole process can last a long time so they may need all the support you can muster!

[LittlePushka]

Thank you for your post beemail, whether or not they ask us to be referees I am happy to say that without question I would hand over the care of both my boys to my friend and her DH. The opportunities for this are usually rare but, having read the postings on this thread, I shall MAKE more opportunities .