Adopting more than once

[flossymuldoon]

Our adopted DS came to us 10 months ago.
I believe it has been a fairly typical 10 months in the life of an adoptive family with the typial ups/downs and issues. It had been the toughest thing we have ever done, but also the most amazing.

People ask all the time if we are going to adopt more and i usually just say "i don't know" as that is the truth. DH is not especially in favour of the idea (not because of the difficulties) but because he only ever saw us with one child, but for me it's just simply that i really don't know at this stage. Although, if SS came along and told us that BM was pregnant and would we take the child we would absolutely say yes. Mainly because at the mo his family circumstances mean that it would appear to DS that he has been singled out/rejected.

I am really interested in what reasons you have for adopting more than 1 who are not siblings, and how you came to that decision. There is part of me that sees myself with a house full of children but at times the thought of that also fills me with horror

[Mumleigh]

Hi - Congratulations on adopting your DS!

We applied to be second time adopters after our DS had been with us for 18 months . We had always planned to have two children so we were counting down the days until we were permitted to adopt again. We brought our DD home when DS was three and a half.

It was most definitely harder the second time around. The process was more frustrating and settling a new baby into the family when you have a 3.5 year old was harder than I could ever have imagined. The introduction stage was exhausting for all involved.

Looking back , the first year with my DS was like a lovely honeymoon whereas the first year of having my DD was a stressful struggle to get through each day! I certainly found it harder to bond too.

Now , two and a half years on ,it is all lovely!


We now have the issue that either BM could get pregnant again and we would be approached by SS to consider adopting the baby. Although we feel our family is now complete I would struggle to say no to adopting the baby sibling of one of my DCs. I guess we will have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

I'm not sure if that helps but I thought I'd share my experience.

[Lilka]

I chose to adopt a second time. For years after adopting DD1, I really thought it would be just the one child - she was very very demanding. She had turned 16 before I gave adopting again a serious thought. To be honest I have always wanted several children of children, having grown up as one of four. I loved it and wanted the same. However DD1 was so challenging that I stopped thinking about another child full stop. When things were much improved I started actually noticing siblings out and about and realising how much I wanted a second child.

And also, DD1 herself really wanted a younger sister. She was seperated from all 5 of her siblings and became an only child when I adopted her. She is very family oriented and she didn't like being an only child at all. It was necessary when she was younger, but it upset her a lot. I did discuss very carefully with her about the reality of another older girl in the house. It was hard to actually make the leap and call up. I had a couple of sleepless nights wondering if this was really the right thing, and whether it would all go wrong etc. That's normal! The homestudy lasted a while but that was definitely good - I would have slowed it fown had it gone too fast. DD needed time and so did I to think very carefully about what kind of girl would best suit our family. It is much harder when you have existing children in the equation. It had to be a girl because of DD1's needs, and I was more restrictive about issues I could handle (although still very open). Not that that made a hige difference, DD2 has more issues in the long term than DD1 has

DD2 had been with me over two years when her little brother came to live with us - I couldn't say no to her brother after seeing how much it affected DD1. Even now, a big part of me wants another child. But in reality it's very hard to juggle as a single mum. I can't manage more than the two I have at home right now. It was really tough going the first year after DS came home. In a few years, when DS is older and hopefully more independent then who knows? I would like to adopt again, but it's the practicalities of it, finance, time etc so 3 may be all I ever have

I guess it's harder in a couple though because you both have different views. I can't offer much advice there except that you should both be totally on board with a second adoption as much as a first one

[Moomoomie]

We adopted a sibling group (2 girls) mostly because I always wanted more than one child, and did not particularly want to go through the process again.
When the girls were 8 and 6 we got the phone call from SS to say BM had given birth to another baby.
For us it was a very easy decision to adopt her too, as our family did not seem complete.
She came home aged 6 months, 4 years ago.

[2old2beamum]

We have adopted 6 DC's all singly, sadly DS2 died at 13yrs it was devastating.
Apart from this it has been a wonderful journey. What ever you decide goodluck

[flossymuldoon]

Thanks all for your experiences - they are absolutely wonderful to hear.

I expect it would be more difficult 2nd time around particularly as out DS would be involved and for me he would have to be ok with it all. I guess i also feel like any Mum with one child, that i am worried i wouldn't have anough love for another one (as i can't ever imagine loving anyone the way i love DS) but everyone assures me that your capacity for love just increases!

I guess i will just have to wait and see whether DH views change. Initially he wasn't game to even adopt 1 and it took him a long time to come around. I'm so glad he did though as he is a wonderful Dad who loves his boy more than anything.

There is also the age thing. I think have 5 more years to still be able to adopt in the 0-2 age range. Obviousley longer to adopt and older child but we would have to have the 2 years min age difference so we would be limited as to how old the child could be. Also our LA doesn't place children for adoption over 6 years as the chance of success reduces significantly. So our window isn't very big.

Part of me hopes that birth Mum will have another, but i also want to spare her the heartache of losing another child so the bigger part of me hopes she doesn't. If she did though we would absolutey say Yes and we are both in agreement on that.