Mumsnet Talk

Sorry if this is long. It?s all rather convoluted and I need some advice.

I have known for several years that my Mum was adopted, she had always said that she would never look for her birth parents. She is now past 70 and has started to do so. She has done the requests to SS and is in the waiting game for them to come back with anything.

Now DM does know her original birth name and location, and I found some bits on Genes that gave her Mother?s maiden name and even a possible/probable link to someone else?s family tree that is likely to be her. We have sent a mail to them through that and again are waiting (hoping) that they will respond. I know where to request her original birth certificate (thanks to another thread here) but we have decided to wait on that till SS come back.

Having done a bit of looking I know that dealing with adoptions pre 1970 require talking to a SW and to be honest I?m quite glad about that. There are a lot of emotions to go through and quite frankly though I can listen I?m not trained and am a bit worried about things going too fast etc. Some of which is my fault for finding stuff on the internet. Unfortunately it took 55 years for DM to decide to look, and now that she has started she wants the answers.

Does anyone have any recommendations of literature/counselling etc that I can look at or point DM towards?

Any and all help appreciated, thanks.

There are agencies who deal in these things.
They can help with the communication between yourselves and your mother's birth family by acting as a go-between.
This can be very helpful as it might be a shock to them if they are unaware of your mother's existence. You need to tread carefully in these things.
I'm sorry, I don't know the specific name of any such agencies, but my own mother was adopted and she used one when she first contacted her birth mother too. It was very helpful for her.

Thanks Ruth. I'll see what I can find on agencies to help ease things.
Cheers,

I used findparents.com to find my birth mum.
They do charge but have a free consultation at the start, if they can't help you they don't push you to spend money.

My birth mum and I are getting on great and my Mum and Stepdad have met her and her DH and also get on well.

I hope the outcome is ok for your family.

Hi, go to the afteradoption website, there is a helpline and a fantastically supportive forum with one very knowledgable and helpful people on there.
www.afteradoption.org.uk/

NORCAP are an agency who can help with this and they run support groups for as well. I really recommend getting in touch with them.

Some not one

Thank you so much for the help. It'll be a slow but steady process. Fingers crossed that things will turn out well.

As someone that has just been reunited with my BM after 45 years, I listened to the advice of the SW, but did not use any agency. You can help your mum by listening to her, letting her work out in her mind what she wants to do. I had friends i could talk to and ask the 'what if' questions. I knew in my head that i would follow through with finding her - i just needed a little bolstering. your support to your mum will be invaluable.

Whichever agency you go through just keep on plugging, and keep on looking.
I have just seen my lovely father in his seventies meet up with his older brothers family( sadly too late for the brothers to meet )and All the cousins and second cousins and even third cousins.
You may find it matters as much to you to find a family with history as to your mother.
For us it has been the most wonderful journey, just so sad that so many years had been missed. Yes some home truths where hard to take but esp for the younger generations these held no fears and only the joy of meeting cousins who are now friends.
Good luck

Oh and just want to mention we are the birth family!

You may find that once you have the original birth certificate the electoral role and register or births and marriages you can do a lot of the work yourselves. My DH was adopted in 1972 and after he had his original birth certificate it took him 4 hours and £8 on the internet to find his mum.
My DH refused to have any support even though our HV actually has special training in this area. He made the contact himself and was very fortunate that the entire family including his younger half brother already knew of his existence and that his birth Mum was delighted to hear from him.