13 wedding presents it's hard to be grateful for
1. One single tea light
2. A card with 'Mrs and Mrs' emblazoned on the front
"Had DH been female, it would have made sense."
3. A huge candle in the form of two people in the nuddy doing sexy time
"From my own mother!"
4. A very large, limited edition print of the Red Arrows
"We have no connection with the RAF, and neither has the uncle who gave it to us."
5. A beautiful wooden box with carved roses on it
"DH's best man's wife picked out their present to us. Inside there were cock rings, dildos and other vibrating things I have no idea what a person would do with."
6. A hot pink silk cushion with gold trimming, embroidered with 'My Bride'
"From a friend, not my husband."
7. A framed pencil drawing of me and my husband
"It's horrific to look at. The friend that did it always asks where we have put it up in the house."
8. A pack of unbranded nappies
"We didn't have a baby, and I wasn't pregnant, or planning to be."
9. A framed black and white photo of a graveyard
"A random graveyard. Not even a one with any special significance."
10. An engraved fluorescent pink number plate from Benidorm
"With my husband's name spelt wrong."
11. A table lamp in the shape of the Vatican
"When you turned it on it lit up with the Pope waving from one of the windows - and it played Arrivederci Roma."
12. A pink knitted Barbie-type doll loo roll cover, complete with toilet roll
"From my husband's aunt who adored his ex-girlfriend."
Finally (and perhaps unbeatably)
13. Second hand underwear
"My husband was married before he met me. For his first wedding, his mother gave the bride some very nice silk underwear, for her 'trousseau'. Move on many years. Husband and bride split up, he moves countries and meets me. My mother-in-law-to-be then writes to ex-bride to ask for the silk underwear to be sent back to her...
...so that it can be given to me."
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Last updated: almost 3 years ago