13 wedding presents it's hard to be grateful for

1. One single tea light


tea light

2. A card with 'Mrs and Mrs' emblazoned on the front

"Had DH been female, it would have made sense."

mrs and mrs

3. A huge candle in the form of two people in the nuddy doing sexy time

"From my own mother!"

candle with figures having sex

4. A very large, limited edition print of the Red Arrows

"We have no connection with the RAF, and neither has the uncle who gave it to us."

red arrows in a frame 

5. A beautiful wooden box with carved roses on it

"DH's best man's wife picked out their present to us. Inside there were cock rings, dildos and other vibrating things I have no idea what a person would do with."

sex toy

6. A hot pink silk cushion with gold trimming, embroidered with 'My Bride' 

"From a friend, not my husband."

teddy with i love my bride on it

7. A framed pencil drawing of me and my husband

"It's horrific to look at. The friend that did it always asks where we have put it up in the house."

pencil drawing of couple 

8. A pack of unbranded nappies

"We didn't have a baby, and I wasn't pregnant, or planning to be."


9. A framed black and white photo of a graveyard

"A random graveyard. Not even a one with any special significance."


Photo: Zeniphoto 

10.  An engraved fluorescent pink number plate from Benidorm

"With my husband's name spelt wrong."

number plate with HO 77 IE on it

11. A table lamp in the shape of the Vatican

"When you turned it on it lit up with the Pope waving from one of the windows - and it played Arrivederci Roma."

pope model

12. A pink knitted Barbie-type doll loo roll cover, complete with toilet roll

"From my husband's aunt who adored his ex-girlfriend."

loo roll cover barbie 

Finally (and perhaps unbeatably)

13. Second hand underwear

"My husband was married before he met me. For his first wedding, his mother gave the bride some very nice silk underwear, for her 'trousseau'. Move on many years. Husband and bride split up, he moves countries and meets me. My mother-in-law-to-be then writes to ex-bride to ask for the silk underwear to be sent back to her...

...so that it can be given to me."

box with underwear in 



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Last updated: almost 3 years ago