Cars and safari parks. Bad idea?

It began with a simple question from a concerned Mumsnetter

"If you've driven through a safari park," wondered whothehellknows, "did the monkeys really try to eat your car? I'm driving a hire car until mine is fixed, and I'm not keen to return it with missing wipers etc. Is all that just a myth, or should I not do it?"


"No, it's not a myth," piped up the aptly named marthamonkeynuts. "They do pull bits off (often the aerial) and chew them, and memorably, once, poo on the sunroof."

"No monkeys at our nearest one," piped up Sparklingbrook, cheerily. "They all died apparently."


Seems Longleat's monkeys have quite the reputation

"The Woburn monkeys aren't as bad as the Longleat ones" maintains OhYouBadBadKitten. "I reckon the Longleat monkeys have done courses in mechanics."



"The Longleat monkeys got my back wiper and the rubber bits that direct the windscreen wash. Bastards!" remembers hedgehogsdontbite. "It was like the January sales, the way they were rummaging through everything and fighting over the good stuff."

"On one occasion," recalls BigfootFilesHisToesInYourTea "we followed a white hatchback which was obviously someone's pride and joy (customised with spoiler and fancy trim etc). The monkeys were merciless. It was not pretty."



All of which gives whothehellknows an evil thought

"<considers borrowing ex-husband's car for the trip>"


stripped car 


...and a cunning money-making idea

"I should set up a business hiring out old bangers just outside a safari park, so that people can drive them through without having to worry."

Time for a conspiracy theory

"Sounds like these Longleat monkeys have been building a Frankenstein car somewhere," suggests SnotQueen, "and are planning an escape."

Turns out it's not JUST the monkeys you have to be wary of... 

"Our car got hoofed by a deer too though," points out TarkaTheOtter. "So that's something to watch out for."



"My brother had his rear bumper pulled off by a lion," says Shotgunnotdoingthepans. "Was roaring in at us through the window, then followed us as we moved off and went for the f***king car."

"We had our bumper bitten by a tiger at Longleat," adds OhYouBadBadKitten. "We were quite proud of the gnaw marks and left them there."

"It's the rhinos you have to worry about at West Midlands Safari Park," chimes in Bumpingthedark, knowingly.




In conclusion

"If it's Longleat you're going to I would really recommend taking the bus," suggests Molichite. "The driver was fabulous, gave us the names and life stories of loads of the animals, lots of anecdotes, and it was a lot more fun than driving round ourselves saying; "Look, a lion!"



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Last updated: over 3 years ago