Things you'd never have said before you had kids

Girl licks window

Ever hear yourself talking to your toddler and wonder how it came to this? You're not alone. Here Mumsnetters see the funny side of the things they never thought they'd say until they had children.

“Do you have any change for the tooth fairy?”

Extracted tooth

“My knickers aren't your mankini.”

Beyonce - NO

“People can't become cars.”


“The fish doesn't eat sausages, but well done for thinking of him.”

Jumping goldfish

“We DO NOT moon Granddad.”

Shocked grandparents

“Oh lovely, here's a Harvester with a playground.”

Boy in playground

“Why do you have tinfoil up your bottom?”

Mum asks why?

“Don't lick that window.”

Baby licks window

“We don't get our willies out in Sainsbury's.”

Toddler in shopping trolley

“Let me just sniff this nappy.”

Mum sniffing toddler's nappy

“One more raspberry and Peppa Pig dies…”

Peppa pig toy

“Let your sister out of the washing machine NOW.”

Girl in washing machine

“Please don't eat Daddy's jacket.”

Man says No