14 lies you tell your children

shocked child

We all, rightly, teach our children that lying is bad. And 99% of the time it is, but sometimes a little white lie is really helpful necessary. Here are 14 examples of selfless lies that Mumsnetters have told to their offspring

Time really does fly when you're having fun, doesn't it?


''You don't actually stay up until midnight with your friends on sleepovers. We put the clocks forward. You're asleep by 9pm.''

These things will happen


''Remember when we moved and you couldn't find your box of total junk 'precious things'? We didn't pack it. Sorry.''

Guilty as charged…


''All those chocolate wrappers you used to see in the car were not 'litter I picked up to put in the bin at home'.''

A little white lie never hurt anybody


''You know how you think it's funny that there are two types of lamb (the lamb we eat and lamb the animal), well…''

And about the fish…

finding nemo

''When Max the goldfish died, I didn't gently lower him into the river saying the Lord's prayer. I flushed him down the toilet.''

Some things are better left unsaid


''Your beloved bear, Sammy, who went missing for a little while, did not in fact 'go on holiday for a bit, then post himself home'.''

Sorry, sweetie


''It's not true that all those Tesco Finest desserts have alcohol in them. It's just that your dad and I really like them and they only come in packs of two.''

I'll let your father handle this one…


''It's true that daddy is allergic to cats and dogs, and probably many other critters covered in fur. He is not allergic to goldfish.''

Can you blame me?

watching tv

''When I put you to bed and creep away for a 'wee wee' (which, as you know, is the only reason you'll allow me to leave without screaming the house down), I'm actually going downstairs to eat chocolate and watch Breaking Bad.''

Not today, Satan


''The place where we normally go on holiday hasn't sunk in all the rain and we are not waiting for it to be rebuilt. I just can't face another holiday there.''

Stephen Hawking, eat your heart out

evil laugh

''You say you only eat branded foodstuffs as the cheaper versions taste 'rank'. For about a year, I've been decanting ketchup, pop and cordial and replacing the inner bags of cereal into branded containers. You never noticed.''

If you're going to fib, make sure it's worth it

not even sorry

''I may have polished off your Easter eggs on a number of occasions. They went well with a glass of late night wine.''

While we're owning up…


''Not all the meat you eat is 'chicken'.''

And remember, parents gonna parent


''I don't really have physic powers. I kept the baby monitor in your room for many years after it was needed. That's how I always knew what you'd been up to. You can relax now you're at uni…or can you?''