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18 July 2008
I have just fished two flies out of the casserole I have made for dinner. Would you eat it anyway? quivered Constancereader, "They have been boiling away for about ten minutes." Hundreds of women screamed, "No way! No! Absolutely not!" and variations thereof, although Lunavix admitted "I'd probably have fed it to Husband, even pre-split." "The germs will be dead" pointed out MadamAnt, "Actually I think it would be a dreadful waste, and vaguely immoral not to eat it." Constancereader considered it at some length, but decided the stew would be ditched on grounds of mouth-feel, "Flies are hairy and crunchy at the same time." "Blimey," pondered Butwhybutwhy, "Gordon Brown would keel over if he read this."
Can anyone beat my mother for negativity? I pondered this week, after my maternal Prophet Of Doom had calmly reassured me that there was no point making a will because Bird Flu was going to kill us all first. LookingForwardToSummer understood my pain: was it really necessary for her mother tell her to tidy her garden tools away because "someone could come and run you through with that fork"? Ib circulated a cute picture of her DS eating cherries, only to receive her mother-in-law's curt warning, "You'll never get the stains out." And when Kayran confessed to her mother that she would miss her hubby over Christmas (when he was on a bomb disposal mission in Iraq) she received the touching reply, "and to think he will probably never live to see that child grow up. Ohh it breaks my heart." Liath sympathised, "My Mother-in-Law can be like this. It's like having a Dementor to stay when she comes."
We all sympathised with Kitbit, this week playing hostess to the wasp-chewing parents of a Precious First Born, who banned everything from scented baby-wipes to Playmobil Pirates ("we really don't like him to play with weapons"). "It just seems that all the really fun stuff that DS really likes to do, their DS isn't allowed to for one reason or another... You'd think I regularly stuffed him full of sugar then let him go parachuting from their reaction." "This reminds me of the time I said 'That's what Cbeebies is for!' at my NCT post natal group" reminisced ProfYaffle: "Horrified faces all round." Kitbit returned post-dinner to inform us that she had to purchase a tin of non-gender stereotypical Barbie Castle pasta, after receiving the request "please get small shapes, he can't really manage a full penne quill." "I expect he is counting how many sleeps until he can afford his own flat," she grumbled.
Cod wanted to know what real life mother situations are never used in adverts, unlike the ubiquitous "well meaning, frumpy 'sighers at men' or 'pilers of sandwiches on a table' kind of figures." Ags hadn't noticed any ads showing "Mother silently mouthing 'Fuck off children' after the millionth request that hour for juice/ food/ treats/ potty/ etc." HaventSleptForAYear couldn't recall seeing "Mum on the toilet surrounded by kids or with kids all banging on the door to get in" and Thebecster wanted to see a mum shouting "What's that in your mouth? SPIT! SPIT!" FabioUnblogged wondered about the absence of mums "Forcibly bending a shrieking toddler in two to get it into a buggy" and Cornsilk wondered about the aspirational power of the sight of a mum "sniffing underpants found on bedroom floor to see if they're clean." I really don't think that would pass the Persil End-of-day Hug Test.
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