I was asked the dreaded question

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

Hi all. Yesterday was my birthday and we went out for a walk around a NT property. I was wearing a summer dress from last year and I know I've put on a few pounds but was utterly horrified to be asked by this lady 'when is your baby due'. I have been trying to see the funny side but keep going over and over it in my head. I guess I need a kick up the backside but at 5,4 and 13 stone I didn't think it was that bad. I think I just need to vent but I also want to know where to start. I've done slimming world in the past and lost 3 stone but I know a lot of people who struggle to keep it off.

[SherlockHolmes]

Didn't mean to be offensive OP but according to bmi you are considered obese.

I'm not far behind you, so am calorie counting, keeping the carbs low and exercising 4 times a week. Fed up with my clothes not fitting.

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

Oh snog that's some lovely things to say. Thank you.

[Greyeye]

I did dwell on it... I do need to lose weight...

[Snog]

It's very rude and ignorant to assume someone is pregnant if they have not said as much.

Just as it is very rude to ask people when they are going to have their first or next baby.

It has happened to me OP more than once and it's rude and hurtful.

Don't let a rude and ignorant person spoil your day. Half of the uk population is overweight so it's hardly unusual to struggle with your weight. I think you should congratulate yourself on progress made in managing your anxiety and continue to make steps to increase your well being which could include increasing exercise and making some healthy changes to your diet.

Your dc will tell you that you look gorgeous and I'm sure they are right. We need to love our bodies right her and right now. You are amazing OP and it's a shame that person didn't say this to you instead of commenting on a non existent' pregnancy.

[robotwindows]

Don't get me wrong I wouldn't be happy if somebody thought I was pregnant when I'm not. And I don't think I'd ask when somebody was due either unless I knew for sure.

I've gained a ton of weight this pregnancy (and definitely not just my bump) and it's getting me down already. Starting to think about the diet (and eventually) exercise changes I need to make to get back to my original weight.

Really I just need to limit eating to when I'm actually hungry rather than just eating because I fancy something and focus more on eating lots of veg, fruit, nuts, fish etc and cut out some of the chocolate and ice cream! I am a firm believer in not 'dieting' and eating as you mean to go on, so a slow sustainable approach. I'm giving myself a year to get back to my old weight and I'm expecting to have 10+ kg to lose.

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

Oh miracle I really feel for you. That's not nice at all.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Wow, that is astonishingly rude!

I never ever ask such questions until I know for sure they are actually pregnant.

[miracleon13th]

I had the same situation about a month ago except this person said it in front of several work colleagues......I laughed it off and then went home and cried about it - I'm on medication for ivf which is making me bloated and lost 3 pregnancies in the last 18 months. Really wish people would think before they ask a question like that! I think even if someone had I'm pregnant tattooed on their forehead I wouldn't ask them in case I embarrassed them/me!

That being said it is a bit of a wake up call and I'm going to go back to healthy eating and try and lose a bit of weight ready for summer x

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

And although she isn't aware of this I was just about to start my period so quite bloated and have been trying to have a second baby for many years so even though she doesn't know any of this it's quite rude to say it. I only stroked her flipping dog!

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

Robot I sort of agree however the assuming is fairly rude

[robotwindows]

I'm not sure how it's rude though. I'm currently (very) pregnant and people ask me when I'm due. This lady thought you were pregnant and asked... she wasn't being rude. Unless you think she was really being passive aggressive about your weight (which I doubt).

[ahtellthee]

Oh yuck. Happened to me so I bought low cur tops (so people wouldn't look at my belly).

I was just kicked off a small child's fairground ride last week because I couldn't put the flimsy belt around me (size 18). Luckily DH was there to swap. I wanted the earth to swallow me up.

I guess it's time after thé Easter chocolate has been consumed

[CatherineMaitland]

What an incredibly rude thing for them to say.

"So what are you doing about it then Sherlock. I'm not obese!" I say this kindly - I am the same height and was exactly the same weight as you, and while I didn't feel obese, I absolutely was. Well into the red part of the chart. It's only now that I've lost 3 and a bit stone that I can see how overweight I was. I look at older pictures now and feel I looked swollen - but I genuinely couldn't see it at the time.

As for losing that weight, I did it by sticking to a calorie limit using MFP/measuring portions and buying a cheap fitness tracker and ensuring I did 10k steps most days. It meant I could still have the occasional treat too. It took a year to lose most of it (and I would love to just lose another 5kg even so...). My motivation was to be able to fit into an old outfit for a friend's wedding - and a defined goal definitely helped. I also broke the total down into smaller goals.

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

Oh poor you. I was really shocked but just said erm, I'm not pregnant! It was really awkward. I have the MFP app and my boss has lost a lot of weight through doing that and exercise so I'm going to do that. I found at SW they're so congratulatory when you're doing well but not very supportive if your not and I don't trust the 'free' allowances of pasta and rice and potatoes.

[Starlive23]

God, I've had it too OP it's utterly horrifying isn't it? So awkward! I actually lied and said I was pregnant because the lady caught me so off guard!

[JohnMcCainsDeathStare]

I'd be wary of SW what with horrors such as diet coke chicken and fat free sugar laden crap. I cannot see eye to eye with any slimming plan which demonised avocado and dates and pays no attention to off scale victories. I would log your food and educate yourself on nutrition - change your diet in small steps at a time.

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

That's a brilliant story I love that! I'm not ditching the dress though because it looked nice last year and it makes my boobs look really good . No I think what she said upset me because I know it's true and when I've lost the belly the dress will look nice.

[EstuaryBird]

This happened to me last year. DP and I shared a table with a nice couple at a Cafe, when DP went to get some shopping I said I’d wait at cafe as my ankle was swollen and painful (I’d sprained it).

The lady obviously put 2 and 2 together, big belly, swollen ankles, and asked the dreaded question.....I was devastated, felt like getting up and walking away........then it dawned on me that I was 63! I played along with it because she was a really sweet lady, ‘last chance’ baby etc etc.

When DP came back she congratulated him.......he thanked her, no idea what she was on about, he thought she was congratulating him for getting some shopping. He laughed like a bloody drain when I told him but he does keep saying to me ‘haven’t you had that baby yet’ and it’s getting tedious now...

But.....I was 63, SIXTY THREE

[MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours]

main motivation BECAUSE you do see results. ...not proof reading!

[MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours]

well, I'd ditch that bloody dress for a start!!

I am overhauling fitness and fatness just now and have been at it since New Year, so pretty proud of myself tbh!

I do not weigh but have definitely firmed up and lost weight from my middle mainly by eating less (yes that old chestnut) basically still eating what the hell I like, but smaller portions. AND C25K-ing on a cross trainer in the shed

tbh that has been the main motivation, you do see results really quite fast, shape and stamina. I am no longer falling out of bras, I can wear the smaller jeans without having to feel cut in half if I breathe and the midriff is definitely smaller.

I am redoing the C25K on harder settings and aiming to improve "distance" on the readout
The aim is to do a park run at some point! And not be a fat 55 year old, 18months to go!

[whiskeysourpuss]

OP I'm the same height & weight as you & although the BMI shite puts me at obese because my weight distributes itself evenly & I dress for my figure I don't look it or feel it!

My goal weight is 11st which still puts me at overweight on the BMI but any less than this & I look awful... all drawn in face & pointy elbows

I can lose the weight easily if I'm in the right I'm doing it frame of mind - cutting out crap & a brisk 5 mile walk every day is enough for me to get down to target in about 8-10 weeks.

As for the pregnant comment... you just have to let go of that & if you want to do something about your weight do it.

[Chocmallows]

I lost 4 stone many years ago and kept 3 off. I would say rather than force yourself onto a dreaded new diet or damage joints with sudden high exercise (like torture!), which is not sustainable, maybe look at what you already do well and try to increase that. Slowly keep increasing good habits and do not give up when you have moments of eating more unhealthy food - we all need hot chocolate and ice cream at some point!

1. You were walking the other day, can you walk in the evening for 20-30 minutes (hills near you, put strap on weights around ankles)?
   
   
2. Pilates classes or videos are good for flexibility and can make you feel better too. They can motivate more movement in the future and are less likely to cause injury. I try to 'roll-down' most days as it's great for my weak back.
   
   
3. Think about the healthy food you like and swamp your cupboards with those. My favourites are eggs (v filling and versatile) dark chocolate (lindt - small amount can feel like more), fruit washed and in fridge in bowls so a snack option. Seeded wraps rather than bread. Filling food - brown pasta with lots of veggies and passata and only sprinkle cheese on top. Keep crisps or whatever is your weakness out of the house or in tall shelf.
   
   It takes willpower, but less if it can fit in your regular life I think.

[gingerfreckles]

Hi OP I'm in the same boat as you. I've recently had two different people as me if I was pregnant . It's quite upsetting I'm a stone overweight and nearly three stones over my previous weight. I'm also on meds for my mental health that I'm sure has an impact. But more that than since I've really realised the weight gain recently I'm so sad about it I've started comfort eating which only makes it worse.
I joined SW last week but that seems such a mind field I'm not really sure what's next.

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

Ha ha. How did you move on from it though like I just keep dwelling on it now.

[Greyeye]

It was horrendous. No tip for her and I never went back.