DH anxiety really affecting both of us now - have you managed to get your DH to seek help?

[canihaveonesomeroses]

I know DH is really unhappy but this has been going on for some years now and I can no longer kid myself he’ll gradually get better, which is what I hoped before.

I don’t want to go into the ins and outs of what he’s anxious about, and I’ve read a lot of info about anxiety in Mind etc. what I’m looking for is how to persuade him it really is an issue and he really does need help.

I’ve tried setting out my reasoning to him, it’s based on real issues just blown way out of perspective, as are the consequences that he spirals about. That, obviously, didn’t work.

Had anyone been in this situation and their person has sought help? What tipped it?

I think you need to make it clear to him that you've got to the point where him NOT seeking professional help is no longer an option. That if he wants the marriage to continue then he needs to seek help for his anxiety, because other wise you will leave.

If you don't this is just going to limp on miserably for ever.

Thanks for replying Hatty.

Yes I think that’s probably what I’m going to have to do, sadly. It feels a bit like kicking someone when they’re down, which is why I wondered if anyone had had any luck trying something gentler.

But you’re quite right - he needs to know it’s not ok to not get help.

Interested in this as I am your DH in this situation. I do wonder how unbearable I am.

It quite often causes tension between DH and I. In my case though I have tried different treatments at various points but none of it worked so I have given up. I only have medication left to try but am too anxious about what it might do. I always think I will manage through willpower, then I get triggered and cannot cope at all.

Good luck!

How old is he, and has he been assessed by his GP? It could have a medical cause and getting him to see a doctor might be an easier first step than counselling..

All based on our recent experience.

You can even see your GP without him knowing, although the doctor can only listen, and not breach any confidence

My DH finally went to the GP after I stopped the softly softly approach and lost my shit with him. Not ideal, but it worked.

I’m almost there myself. I don’t want to, because I’m worried it’ll be too much for his resilience if he feels like I’m against him too, but it’s so clearly impacting his general happiness, i hurt for him.

and it’s gone on for so long, i can no longer carry on as if I’m ok while he’s bad. I really would like him to consider medication to see if it would help. Can I ask why you won’t ( sorry it won’t let me scroll back to get your name) when you know the current status is bad for you and your DH?