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AIBU in having said no to neighbour's sons?

457 replies

WednesdayAddams94 · 17/07/2022 13:32

So we moved into a flat about 2 months ago with our 2 year old. The last 2/3 weeks I've had the downstairs neighbour's sons asking me repeatedly if my son can go and play with them. For reference, I don't know them at all. I have briefly said hi to their mum a few times but that is it.) At an estimate, I'd say one of them is 11 and the other one, 12/13.

I don't have an issue with these boys but I do find it slightly odd they want to spend time with a 2 y.o considering they have nothing in common. These boys are kind of known for being a bit rowdy. According to one of the other neighbours, one of them put dog poo in her letterbox and they're generally known for hanging about outside all the time, getting into trouble, vaping etc etc etc.

However, since I didn't want to make things awkward between myself and any neighbours (I have said no to them before saying we were busy etc) I said sure, let me grab my things and we can all go out for a bit. (Communal garden) by that point, the eldest was getting annoyed and said he would be taking my son out by himself?! I declined, shut the door and thought that was that.

This morning, mum comes knocking saying what am I playing at, and what my problem is. Increasingly getting angrier. Shouting, swearing, I eventually managed to get rid of mum but only because my DP had returned from the shops by this point and told her to leave or he'd involve the police. I really don't think I am being unreasonable but mum has made me feel like I am? I am also concerned that they will not leave this alone. We only moved in 2 months ago so am worried my response will have caused so many issues for us.

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PlinkPlonkFizz · 17/07/2022 15:09

By the sound of the children and Mum I would never let a child of any age play with them. Not at 2 years old, or 4, 6, 8, 10 or 12.

You are 100% responsible for your DS and it will be too late to protect him after an incident happened. You'd never forgive yourself. Don't give them the opportunity.

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Scianel · 17/07/2022 15:13

The Jamie Bulger case just came into my head reading that.

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AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 17/07/2022 15:15

My two (dtws) when they were 11/12 or so liked hanging around with the 3-yr-old next door, in either their back yard or ours, (for short periods until they got bored with him) BUT either I or his mum was around. You were right about going to the communal garden/park with them to watch from a distance. The DM is batshit.

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CambsAlways · 17/07/2022 15:18

Nope not in a million years,

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Iwantmyoldnameback · 17/07/2022 15:18

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

So did I

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PatternedPinkPlate · 17/07/2022 15:19

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

I thought this too.
Keep your distance, and don’t leave your boy within reach of them, not that you would.
Without being alarmist, keep your front door locked. A high chain would also be useful, in case the little one answers the door for you.
The whole lot of them are being unreasonable

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BellePeppa · 17/07/2022 15:19

For the love of god why do so many women not trust their own judgement and just say no and mean it. Who would let their 2 year old go off with some rowdy kids and then um and ah wondering if they’re being unreasonable. Pffft. And yes I immediately thought of JB, though of course not the same scenario but who’s to say it wouldn’t be the same ending.

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Pesimistic · 17/07/2022 15:21

It's just plain weird that unrelated kids of their age want to hang about with a toddler, even more so to have him unsupervised by his parent !

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SpookyButTrue · 17/07/2022 15:22

To be honest I think if I had any other interaction with these nutters that wasn't 100% positive/apology, I would speak to the police. Don't let your Dc out of your sight.

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stayathomegardener · 17/07/2022 15:23

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Me too 😢

You need a way to permanently knock any ideas of this on the head OP without retribution.
I think I'd get DH to deal with them, the mum sounds like a bit of a bully.

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Lolabalola · 17/07/2022 15:23

That's insane
I presume if two new sensible looking adult neighbours appeared and asked to take your son out to play you would say no
How can anyone possibly expect you to hand him over to two young boys you don't know !

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Dragonsmother · 17/07/2022 15:26

As parents it’s our responsibility to keep our kids safe. You did the right thing. The mums behaviour has justified exactly why you didn’t have want her boys near your DS.
steer clear. This family are trouble

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mrstreacle · 17/07/2022 15:28

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

So did I

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Darcy101 · 17/07/2022 15:29

Georgeskitchen · 17/07/2022 13:38

I did too x

Me too 😞

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VickyEadieofThigh · 17/07/2022 15:30

It's entirely inappropriate.

If she or they come again on this topic, you need (I think) to 'broken record' it: "No thank you, you're too old for him."

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Vecna · 17/07/2022 15:35

Yanbu

Poor James Bulger 💔 (who was never known as Jamie to his family)

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CallOnMe · 17/07/2022 15:37

Why not just say “no he’s too young” and then they’ll stop asking.
Why keep making up excuses?

I wouldn’t allow this.

On my estate all us kids played with all the other kids regardless of age and there was regularly 15 y/os and toddlers out at the same time.
And when I had my own DD and moved to a new estate there were always young girls asking if they could play with her.

This is very normal for some places and there are no bad intentions behind it. It’s like wanting to play with someone’s new puppy.
But no way would I let it happen as so many things could go wrong with such a young child and the mum is completely out of order for not realising that.

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ChampagneLassie · 17/07/2022 15:39

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Me too. Horrendous thought but please don't let your toddler go out with these boys

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gingergiraffe · 17/07/2022 15:39

@daffodilandtulip me too.

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WaveyHair · 17/07/2022 15:40

Absolutely not unreasonable but do you know what the son told his mother? I suspect it would not have much of a passing resemblance to what you told him.

And yes, extremely weird and concerning that a couple of rowdy 11 & 13 year olds want sole, unsupervised access to a 2 year old.

Like others thinking of Jamie Bulgar. No idea if this is possible, but could you ask the police if you should be concerned about this family?

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SeptemberDreams · 17/07/2022 15:40

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Same!!! Over my dead body would my little boy be going anywhere near them!!! And if the mother comes back behaving like that again I’d call the police.

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picklemewalnuts · 17/07/2022 15:41

"My 2 yr old only goes out with people he knows really well."

I mean, that's just a given.

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PeaceLoveAndCandy · 17/07/2022 15:41

I would actually just log this incident with the non emergency police number

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Prinnny · 17/07/2022 15:44

Yeah so weird. To be fair I have just watched that 24hr in police custody Ricki Neave special but still absolutely no way would I be allowing that.

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Windypants21 · 17/07/2022 15:46

If their mother can't see the issue with this I would be avoiding contact with her too.

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