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AIBU in having said no to neighbour's sons?

457 replies

WednesdayAddams94 · 17/07/2022 13:32

So we moved into a flat about 2 months ago with our 2 year old. The last 2/3 weeks I've had the downstairs neighbour's sons asking me repeatedly if my son can go and play with them. For reference, I don't know them at all. I have briefly said hi to their mum a few times but that is it.) At an estimate, I'd say one of them is 11 and the other one, 12/13.

I don't have an issue with these boys but I do find it slightly odd they want to spend time with a 2 y.o considering they have nothing in common. These boys are kind of known for being a bit rowdy. According to one of the other neighbours, one of them put dog poo in her letterbox and they're generally known for hanging about outside all the time, getting into trouble, vaping etc etc etc.

However, since I didn't want to make things awkward between myself and any neighbours (I have said no to them before saying we were busy etc) I said sure, let me grab my things and we can all go out for a bit. (Communal garden) by that point, the eldest was getting annoyed and said he would be taking my son out by himself?! I declined, shut the door and thought that was that.

This morning, mum comes knocking saying what am I playing at, and what my problem is. Increasingly getting angrier. Shouting, swearing, I eventually managed to get rid of mum but only because my DP had returned from the shops by this point and told her to leave or he'd involve the police. I really don't think I am being unreasonable but mum has made me feel like I am? I am also concerned that they will not leave this alone. We only moved in 2 months ago so am worried my response will have caused so many issues for us.

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Fluffycloudland77 · 17/07/2022 14:28

Move. She sounds rough as fuck.

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Newestname002 · 17/07/2022 14:29

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Sorry - me too. Even without that my decision would be to say a polite no thanks, reinforced by their mother's aggressive behaviour. 🌹

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LeavesOnTrees · 17/07/2022 14:29

I immediately thought the same as everyone else.
The mother sounds awful as well.

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SemperIdem · 17/07/2022 14:29

Yanbu

They all sound like weirdos.

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CornishTiger · 17/07/2022 14:30

First thought was what’s their motivation. Drugs, CSE, and yes James Bulger. Are your housing association? If so talk to your housing officer. I guarantee the family will be known.

Personally I would have reported to police too. Sadly OP I don’t think this will just disappear.

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KatieKline · 17/07/2022 14:31

Wow just wow!! You absolutely are not being unreasonable to let your 2 year old alone with an 11 and a 12 year old boy. Especially considering their behaviour:

""one of them put dog poo in her letterbox and they're generally known for hanging about outside all the time, getting into trouble, vaping etc etc etc"

They are unreasonable to demand access to your 2 year old, alone as well, and the mother is batshit crazy to come knocking on your door like that. I have a 10 and 12 year old boys and no way would they seek out a 2 year old to play with.

Further that age are not the most responsible- I wouldn't even let our 12 year old walk alone to the shops with our 6 year old, and the 12 year old is really conscientious and great with his brothers. Its the 6 year old who can't be trusted to behave and not act like a maniac.

Keep your distance OP.

I also immediately thought of Jamie Bulger.

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Bunce1 · 17/07/2022 14:31

I don’t thinks helpful to draw comparisons to the Bulger case.

you’re not comfortable with it. That’s all thag needs to be said or done.

if your neighbour gets shitty you can say-

I don’t know what you’re trying to say I’m suggesting but DS doesn’t go out without me or my husband. He’s 2!

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madasawethen · 17/07/2022 14:32

You're not being UR at all!
I'm glad your DP came and ran her off.

It's not normal for boys that age to want to play with toddlers. Those 2 are each others ages and can play with each other or find kids their own age to play with.

I'd never speak to any of them again after the mum showing up and cursing at you. If you have any pets, I'd be cautious letting them out now too.

They sound like gutter trash and her dear sweet boys will be the type to get arrested for stealing cars, selling drugs, etc.

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Cervinia · 17/07/2022 14:32

My immediate thoughts were also JB, poor little soul.

looks like 90% of us thought the same.

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MeridianB · 17/07/2022 14:34

Beyond creepy. I fail to see any positive motives for this behaviour from any of them. The fact the boy got annoyed very quickly when you said you would be coming with them into the garden is a HUGE red flag.

I’d avoid them completely. Hoping someone with more knowledge of how these things work will come and share some advice on whether you do anything else, such as mention it at local police station.

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collieresponder88 · 17/07/2022 14:34

Worrying thing about this is many would bite their arm off to get child free time and this is why kids are abused and mistreated because their parents are not looking out for them properly

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Belephant · 17/07/2022 14:34

How utterly bizarre. The mum sounds like a treat, too.

Best case scenario, they're two lovely boys who love younger children and want to take him under their wing and have innocent fun. Even in this best case scenario, the answer is clearly still no. The nicest, best-intentioned teenagers are not suitable or responsible caters for a two year old.

I'd be nervous of this family, I think.

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ScreamingInfidelities · 17/07/2022 14:35

I usually roll my eyes when people suggest ‘log it with 101” but in this case it might not be a bad idea. The boys seem intent on getting your wee boy alone - which is weird enough - and now the mother has been at your door shouting at you.

They sound awful and I’d bet you’ll have more bother with them. Get this harassment from the mum logged in case it happens again.

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newtb · 17/07/2022 14:37

Me too, thinking of James Bulger.

Worth a call to 101, for advice, if nothing else.

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PinkButtercups · 17/07/2022 14:37

The mother clearly is weird herself. I'd never let my DS who's 3 go out with teenage boys. It's weird and actually I would wonder what their intentions were. Why would random teenage boys want to play with a 2 year old...

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LuckyLil · 17/07/2022 14:37

WednesdayAddams94 · 17/07/2022 14:25

She said I was being ridiculous for not letting them spend time with him. I obviously don't know what they told their mum. They might have told her a completely different story. Maybe they've told her he has already spent time with them. I don't know.

Mum got angry quite quickly after that so it was hard to have a decent conversation. When I mentioned the eldest wanted to take DS with him on his own and I told her that wouldn't be happening, she lost it. Shouted at me, said I was turning it into something it's not. How I'm a perv for thinking they might "do" something to him. I never suggested or implied that in any way. But it was impossible to make that clear to her without escalating the situation even further.

Right, I'm with you. Well in its full context you're definitely not being unreasonable. I'd say it's totally inappropriate for a 2 year old to be out with kids that age he doesn't know and if the mother thinks saying no to that's alluding to something perverse then it tells you more about where she's coming from as a parent that she doesn't think a 2 year old should be prevented from playing out of sight with complete strangers. Stand your ground and let her fill her own head with rubbish. It's none of her business what decisions you make with your own child.

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PinkButtercups · 17/07/2022 14:38

newtb · 17/07/2022 14:37

Me too, thinking of James Bulger.

Worth a call to 101, for advice, if nothing else.

When I read the OP this is exactly who came to my mind.

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MayISuggestSomeThickCutSteakChipsToGoWithThat · 17/07/2022 14:40

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Snap

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Starlightstarbright1 · 17/07/2022 14:41

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

I did too.

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MarieG10 · 17/07/2022 14:42

@WednesdayAddams94

Sorry but she is totally bizarre and so are her kids if they want to do this. Extremely concerning behaviour

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ddl1 · 17/07/2022 14:43

YADNBU.

I wouldn't necessarily suspect evil motives; but they are too old to be his playmates on an equal basis, and too young to look after him responsibly. They wouldn't have to mean him harm in order to be dangerous: they could just, for example, unthinkingly entice him to follow them across a busy road.

The mother's behaviour is a red flag.

As suggested by pp, I would just tell them sorry, but he's still too young to go out without his Mummy.

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Gh12345 · 17/07/2022 14:44

Let's say their mum didn't come over and shout at you, I still think I wouldn't be happy with my 2 y.o hanging out with the older boys. The strangest thing was when I was reading the thread I thought about Jamie Bulger for a moment and have seen that others said the same. I just don't think I'd be comfortable with it

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SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 17/07/2022 14:46

He's 2! I wouldn't let a trusted 13 year old babysit a 2 year old in my own house, let alone let an unknown one take the 2 year old out to play!

YAN in any way at all BU

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Italiangreyhound · 17/07/2022 14:47

Hell would freeze over before I gave my 2 year old into the custody of any unknown person. Older child, teen or adult.

This woman is ridiculous.

Don't play her game. She's nuts

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EdgeOfACoin · 17/07/2022 14:47

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Same.

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