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AIBU in having said no to neighbour's sons?

457 replies

WednesdayAddams94 · 17/07/2022 13:32

So we moved into a flat about 2 months ago with our 2 year old. The last 2/3 weeks I've had the downstairs neighbour's sons asking me repeatedly if my son can go and play with them. For reference, I don't know them at all. I have briefly said hi to their mum a few times but that is it.) At an estimate, I'd say one of them is 11 and the other one, 12/13.

I don't have an issue with these boys but I do find it slightly odd they want to spend time with a 2 y.o considering they have nothing in common. These boys are kind of known for being a bit rowdy. According to one of the other neighbours, one of them put dog poo in her letterbox and they're generally known for hanging about outside all the time, getting into trouble, vaping etc etc etc.

However, since I didn't want to make things awkward between myself and any neighbours (I have said no to them before saying we were busy etc) I said sure, let me grab my things and we can all go out for a bit. (Communal garden) by that point, the eldest was getting annoyed and said he would be taking my son out by himself?! I declined, shut the door and thought that was that.

This morning, mum comes knocking saying what am I playing at, and what my problem is. Increasingly getting angrier. Shouting, swearing, I eventually managed to get rid of mum but only because my DP had returned from the shops by this point and told her to leave or he'd involve the police. I really don't think I am being unreasonable but mum has made me feel like I am? I am also concerned that they will not leave this alone. We only moved in 2 months ago so am worried my response will have caused so many issues for us.

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LuckyLil · 17/07/2022 14:05

WednesdayAddams94 · 17/07/2022 13:37

After dealing with mum, she made me feel like I was accusing her sons of something. I really wasn't. I just don't want him out with just two teenage boys he doesn't even know. She just made me feel as if I was really out of line when I don't think I am.

What did she actually say? That you shouldn't stop them playing with him? Did they tell her you were off with them? What was it she actually thought you had an issue with? It isn't making sense.

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LeFeu · 17/07/2022 14:06

That’s insane! My daughter is 12 and has 4 younger half siblings, lots of younger cousins and our friends children who all know her very well, very mature and sensible but I wouldn’t let her off out with them on her own, because she is not old enough to be responsible for a small person on her own! I have to say the James bulger things came to my mind too. Stand your ground op, your instinct is absolutely right here.

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Princessoftheuniverse · 17/07/2022 14:07

I also thought of James Bulger.

I certainly wouldn’t let my child go off alone with two older boys or girls for that matter. Even if their intentions are good they probably lack the concentration and maturity to care for a two year old. I think it’s odd they would ask so that makes me suspicious to begin with. Mum is ridiculous.

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MimiSunshine · 17/07/2022 14:10

gogohmm · 17/07/2022 13:48

I'm wondering if it was her way of wanting to get to know you. Because your little one is young you would automatically stay and she was hoping to make friends. Not everyone finds it easy to ask another adult if they want to meet for coffee, far easier to ask for a play date

Did you miss the part where it was just the boys who came to ask for the 2 year old, didn’t want the OP to come out too then the older boys mum came and shouted at OP for NOT letting the 2yr old out alone?

not your typical way of getting a play date.

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neilyoungismyhero · 17/07/2022 14:10

RaspberryHoney · 17/07/2022 13:57

What?

No offence, but a playdate? he's 2 years old either you are incredibly naieve or have a screw loose..

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Jumperoo56370000 · 17/07/2022 14:11

You’ve done nothing wrong. The over-reaction makes me wonder why they are all so hell-bent on removing your son from you. Sorry 😢

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TommyJoesMummy · 17/07/2022 14:11

@daffodilandtulip I did only a few sentences down. I’d probably want some advice from the police. The whole family sound like bad news!

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WisteriaLodge · 17/07/2022 14:13

Over my dead body! No way would I allow that to happen, why in gods name is a 12 year old so desperate to be with a two year old?

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Franca123 · 17/07/2022 14:13

Are you renting? I'd honestly move. It's weird. You're being unreasonable to question if you're being unreasonable.

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TommyJoesMummy · 17/07/2022 14:13

I’d assume they would treat him like a toy, and they sound awful! I wouldn’t let your son out of your sight now

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AngelinaFibres · 17/07/2022 14:14

Georgeskitchen · 17/07/2022 13:38

I did too x

Me too

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Gymnopedie · 17/07/2022 14:16

Another one who immediately thought of James Bulger. Even more so after this bit - by that point, the eldest was getting annoyed and said he would be taking my son out by himself?!

Any more harassment OP and involve the police. And when you do, make sure you explain the background to them.

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Bunce1 · 17/07/2022 14:18

I think that the. It’s are bored your son is cute and it’s something to do. They might ask for payment maybe if they had taken hum out on their own maybe? Could that be it?

Do not be intimidated by this woman- tell her firmly. DS doesn’t go out without me or his dad with him.

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boydy99 · 17/07/2022 14:18

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

same

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itsgettingweird · 17/07/2022 14:19

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Yep. I went there straightaway.

I'm certainly not someone who sees a peadophile on every corner or assumes bad in everyone but it's very odd for 2 pre teens to want a 2yo to play out with them.

When ds was that age we'd be outside in the park opposite and all the kids mix. Many of the teens would push ds on the swings etc.

I'd nip over home to use the loo and leave them with him without a second thought.

But this situation just feels sooooooo different.

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MrsMontyD · 17/07/2022 14:20

You don't need to make up excuses. I've no idea why people are suggesting them.

He's too young to play out without a parent. End of discussion, close door or walk away as appropriate. Don't stand there being shouted at.

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Usernumber1squillion · 17/07/2022 14:21

So are we all thinking he had a fling with her and is terrified that sil has less to lose than him if it all comes out. Perhaps she had blackmailed him in the past?

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Anjelika · 17/07/2022 14:22

daffodilandtulip · 17/07/2022 13:37

Sorry to be extreme but I immediately thought of Jamie Bulger

Me too.

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mm40 · 17/07/2022 14:23

Me too re James Bulger. Sorry.

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Tonz · 17/07/2022 14:24

Theres no way I’d allow this. While yes it’s extreme my mind too went to Jamie Bulger.
Next time tell them your son is way too young to be going out without his Mummy.

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bloodyunicorns · 17/07/2022 14:24

Ffs. They sound feral and the mum sounds worse. All kinds of safeguarding and safety issues there. Just weird. No, no, no.

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thequeenoftheandals · 17/07/2022 14:24

I’m sorry but no ‘normal’ nearly teenagers would want want to spend time with a random 2 y/o.
Fucking weirdos.

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WednesdayAddams94 · 17/07/2022 14:25

LuckyLil · 17/07/2022 14:05

What did she actually say? That you shouldn't stop them playing with him? Did they tell her you were off with them? What was it she actually thought you had an issue with? It isn't making sense.

She said I was being ridiculous for not letting them spend time with him. I obviously don't know what they told their mum. They might have told her a completely different story. Maybe they've told her he has already spent time with them. I don't know.

Mum got angry quite quickly after that so it was hard to have a decent conversation. When I mentioned the eldest wanted to take DS with him on his own and I told her that wouldn't be happening, she lost it. Shouted at me, said I was turning it into something it's not. How I'm a perv for thinking they might "do" something to him. I never suggested or implied that in any way. But it was impossible to make that clear to her without escalating the situation even further.

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Goldbar · 17/07/2022 14:27

CalistoNoSolo · 17/07/2022 13:35

How can you possibly think you're wrong in this scenario?

This. The mum is absolutely deluded if she thinks a 2 year old should be out and about without a responsible carer. Not your problem anyway - just say briskly 'sorry, he's too young" if they ask again.

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Fjagger · 17/07/2022 14:28

Odd odd odd - protect your boy at all costs

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