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AIBU in having said no to neighbour's sons?

457 replies

WednesdayAddams94 · 17/07/2022 13:32

So we moved into a flat about 2 months ago with our 2 year old. The last 2/3 weeks I've had the downstairs neighbour's sons asking me repeatedly if my son can go and play with them. For reference, I don't know them at all. I have briefly said hi to their mum a few times but that is it.) At an estimate, I'd say one of them is 11 and the other one, 12/13.

I don't have an issue with these boys but I do find it slightly odd they want to spend time with a 2 y.o considering they have nothing in common. These boys are kind of known for being a bit rowdy. According to one of the other neighbours, one of them put dog poo in her letterbox and they're generally known for hanging about outside all the time, getting into trouble, vaping etc etc etc.

However, since I didn't want to make things awkward between myself and any neighbours (I have said no to them before saying we were busy etc) I said sure, let me grab my things and we can all go out for a bit. (Communal garden) by that point, the eldest was getting annoyed and said he would be taking my son out by himself?! I declined, shut the door and thought that was that.

This morning, mum comes knocking saying what am I playing at, and what my problem is. Increasingly getting angrier. Shouting, swearing, I eventually managed to get rid of mum but only because my DP had returned from the shops by this point and told her to leave or he'd involve the police. I really don't think I am being unreasonable but mum has made me feel like I am? I am also concerned that they will not leave this alone. We only moved in 2 months ago so am worried my response will have caused so many issues for us.

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HailAdrian · 20/07/2022 12:17

Fuck that, my 11yo would have zero desire to play with a stranger's 2yo. It's weird.

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unname · 20/07/2022 12:28

If it were girls behaving the way these boys had behaved, absolutely. Putting excrement through mail slots, demanding to take the child alone? No one would trust girls doing this either.

If it were boys or girls that expressed an interest, wanted to hang out with the OP and her family rather demanded to take him alone? I wouldn’t be so suspicious but of course still wouldn’t sent my child off with them.

I spent a ton of time at a neighbor’s house ewhen I was between 10-12 and their daughter was between 2-4. Not sure how it came about but it was helpful to me and to the mom. Their house was an oasis, with all kinds of wonderful routines like “breakfast for dinner!”, snacks like veggies and “dip”and tv shows and musicals like Sesame Street and Oklahoma!. The mom could get things done and I kept the little girl company. My parents were divorced, mom at work and nothing so exciting going on in my house.

We were never left alone and it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to want to be alone with a small child. She was just my little buddy and I craved the normalcy of their family life.

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DetoxWithChocs · 20/07/2022 13:11

Same here. Like so many I thought of Jamie. But even if that had never happened I’d still find it odd. No way would I leave a much younger child with any teens, even if they were angels with lots of younger siblings.

I’d definitely have a word with local police. And housing officer, if applicable.

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SaySomethingMan · 20/07/2022 13:20

echt · 20/07/2022 08:01

Such speculations are beside the point. They are boys, and the link to James Bulger is not an unreasonable one.

I didn’t connect the Bulger incident at all, probably because these are neighbours, rather than random strangers. Hence, my question.
Who decides besides the point or relevant? If we just answered the OP’s question, AIBU would be pretty boring.

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ShoveYourLegitimateInterest · 20/07/2022 14:48

This is ringing so many alarm bells! This also made me think of Jamie Bulger. You absolutely made the right decision!

Because of their reaction (the boys and the mum's), I would be keeping a very close eye on my son and not let him out of my sight around them.

So odd and so scary. Good luck dealing with them, they sound like right nutters.

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ShoveYourLegitimateInterest · 20/07/2022 14:49

And make a record of everything!

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SarahSteedman82 · 20/07/2022 15:19

In all honesty it's a bit odd and you are right for not. Keep an eye on them and don't leave your son near them is my advice. A enquiry to the local police just to get in their radar wouldn't go amiss in my opinion.

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mrstreacle · 20/07/2022 17:47

AryaStarkWolf · 20/07/2022 11:37

Oh and to the poster who asked if we’d think Jamie Bulger if it were girls (you said boys, but you meant girls) - who knows because we all have that in our heads now. The OP’s post had too many similarities to the JB story, so of course people thought that. But nearly 99% of rape and sexual assault perpetrators are male (that’s according to one Google result so could be wrong, although I tend to believe it probably is as high as that) - so if it were 2 girls asking, the chances of that being a risk are much, much lower.

Exactly..


But as a side note, I may not have thought of the Jamie Bulger case (just because I can't think of a case where 2 girls did anything similar?) but I still wouldn't allow 2 12 year old girls take my 2 year old out on their own (whether I knew them or not)

I can think of a case, Mary Bell and Norma Bell, late 60's and truly horrifying

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Hohare · 20/07/2022 21:34

Agreed!

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CSBowen · 20/07/2022 21:53

I thought exactly the same thing!! Absolutely no way would I be letting my 2 yo out with older kids, or any kids without me tbh. The fact they have got angry and persistent worries me even more. 😳

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OrdinaryGirl · 20/07/2022 22:24

Yes. This is definitely a genuine first-time poster and a not-in-any-way fictitious scenario designed to remind people of the Bulger case.
•nods head vigorously•

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Crystalvas · 21/07/2022 01:12

DueyCheatemAndHow · 20/07/2022 08:13

I read some replies before I read the OP. I rolled my eyes when I read Jamie Bulger. Then I read the OP. Fuck me - don't let him out of your sight. I find this really quite scary.

Now you can stop your eye rolling.

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Bluebellsparklypant · 21/07/2022 10:02

Your not accusing them of anything his too young to be out without mum

repeat….
ignore any comments from them

his not a toy his your child and you are right to stay firm over this

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AryaStarkWolf · 21/07/2022 11:46

mrstreacle · 20/07/2022 17:47

I can think of a case, Mary Bell and Norma Bell, late 60's and truly horrifying

I wasn't born until the late 70's so that wouldn't come into my head, never heard of it at all in fact.

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Walkerbean16 · 21/07/2022 12:55

This is now in the sun and mirror etc, all over Facebook 🙄

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ClaudineClare · 21/07/2022 15:25

OrdinaryGirl · 20/07/2022 22:24

Yes. This is definitely a genuine first-time poster and a not-in-any-way fictitious scenario designed to remind people of the Bulger case.
•nods head vigorously•

All of three posts from the OP and nothing else since the start of the thread 4 days ago. Definitely genuine.

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Lovecats27 · 21/07/2022 15:58

Not in a million years would I allow two teenage boys to play with a toddler. I don't believe for a minute they are genuinely interested in playing with a small child. They are up to something. Don't let them any near your child

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Hobele · 21/07/2022 19:26

OrdinaryGirl · 20/07/2022 22:24

Yes. This is definitely a genuine first-time poster and a not-in-any-way fictitious scenario designed to remind people of the Bulger case.
•nods head vigorously•

Agreed. And still going. Unbelievable.

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Rockchick76 · 21/07/2022 22:23

I did too

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Peachyone · 22/07/2022 11:04

It’s hopefully fake but please be aware the bad outcomes are far from uncommon and it doesn’t have to rise to the level of the Bulger case. The much older boy who took me by the hand certainly didn’t have benign intentions and I am far from alone. I’m sure his mother thought he was responsible and well-meaning, too.

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Lisad1231981 · 22/07/2022 11:22

I have just seen this has been reported by The Sun newspaper. So if it is true, and they read this, you may find there is a backlash Shock

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xblackvioletxx · 25/07/2022 09:04

My mum told me about a neighbours older boy (probably around 12-13years) wanting to play with my older brother, who was only 2 years old at the time. I wasn't born yet and it was in the 80's. But a similar thing was happening, this boy would come around and ask to take my brother out to play by himself. My mum would say no, but this boy was pretty persistent and would keep asking regardless.
A few years later, my brother was around 3 or 4 years and my mum would let him play in the front yard while she watched him. I was a baby at this point, and one day she got distracted with me and took her eyes off my brother for a couple of minutes, when she turned around he was gone. She went looking for him and found him in the neighbour's overgrown garden with this boy who kept pestering her about playing with him. They were both kneeling down looking at something, as my mum got closer she saw this boy had a very graphic pornographic magazine and was showing my brother pictures in it. My mum was furious, she never took her eyes off either of us after that.
She also later found out off other neighbours that this boy had been caught with other very young boys with their pants down.

So, 100% trust your instincts and never let those boys near your son. You dont have to justify to that mother anything. She sounds unstable and possibly in denial about what she probably already suspects with her sons but instead of trying to help her sons, she rages and gaslights other people so she doesn't have to come to terms with the red flags that are flapping her in the face.

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KatGermany · 26/07/2022 19:24

Hey hey

sorry that I write u but I just saw your story at the news .
dont PLEASE DONT let your son play with the 2 boys 😰
do u know James bulger😓
it’s more than weird that boys between 11-13 years want to be alone with your son!
and the num?? In Germany we would call the youth welfare office. It isn’t normal ! Not what the boys want and not like the mother acts !!!
perhaps your husband can tell them not to ask anymore cause you and nobody else would say ok .

take care of your family 🥰 kind regards

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ClassSize2022 · 27/07/2022 08:50

@WednesdayAddams94 Hope you’re ok.

plus I hope you’ve seen the advice on this page.

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lollipoprainbow · 27/07/2022 09:10

I wonder if the boys have tried knocking again ?

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