Dd has had a rough time. Her boyfriend took his own life a month ago. Mostly she does very well but we get intermittent bursts of anger, usually over something quite small, and more often than not I'm the target. For a few weeks she has been asking to join the gym but it's been so hectic, today I have found a gym we can join together and I've said we will sort it. But that's not good enough, she wants to go to the gym NOW, today, it cannot wait and it's all my fault for not having sorted it earlier. I told her the way she was speaking to me was unacceptable and I wouldn't be doing anything for her if she spoke like that. To which she replied 'well f* off then'. I walked off and am now downstairs pretty upset whilst she is sulking/fake crying upstairs. I know she has a lot on her plate but I need her to know how put of order and hurtful this is to me. How should I deal with it?
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15yr old Dd just told me to f*** off, how do I handle this?
lincolnshirelassy · 23/12/2015 15:15
Def talk to your gp and get a camhs referral some yrs ago DD went through similarly trying experience w relationship and ended up w suicide attempt herself. Hope u can work through this 
Please ignore Sandra, OP. 
Not at all helpful.
Hope things are going ok for you. Maybe put number for Cruse etc on a piece of paper in her room so even if she says she doesn't want to call them, she might do it privately in her own time?
You're being a great mum to her; when she's an adult she'll remember how you handled this time and like I am of my mum, she will be very proud and love you enormously for it.
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the suicide was not totally unexpected, she had tried to help him for months.
Poor girl. Not only is she grieving, she probably feels an immense amount of guilt at failing to keep him alive.
I'd be in a grief stricken haze for months, probably years. I'd cut her some serious slack for the first few months, and try to keep her active as much as possible, no matter how busy I was. she needs your kindness and turn-the-other-cheek-ness at the minute! But she also needs firmness. No anger or harsh punishment, just stern 'do not speak to me that way' everytime. And simple disengagement when she does. Not shouting matches or abrasive parenting.
Also, when she won't elaborate, don't push. Just leave her to heal in her way.
Best of luck 
I think you are doing the best you can. It can't be easy for her - or any of you. But part of growing up is learning how to try and deal with feelings.
Maybe the both of you having time together at the gym will do her the world of good. Sometime she can have just for her.
Maybe on a calmish day have a gentle talk and say you can understand she has a lot of feelings and emotions to work thru, and you are there for her 100% but that she can't have outbursts that are potentially affecting her siblings - or are just plain rude. If she needs to talk or scream or what ever, she can and you will be there at the end. But there needs to be some control over it.
I think teenagers can be unreasonable in lots of ways, without everything else your dd is dealing with. And you can only do your best and talk the decisions/actions thru.
It sounds as tho she knows you are there for her and you are her sounding board. But you have limits too.
Give her a big hug and tell her you love her - new year new attitude and all that 
If her emotions are causing her to assault you then I think she needs urgent medical help - counselling, cbt etc. Visit your GP as soon as possible if you haven't already. What a horrible situation for you
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