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Surrogacy

Wanting to become a surrogate.

44 replies

Bumperpackit · 29/03/2022 16:45

I am wanting to become or look into the possibility of becoming a surrogate for someone. I have two beautiful children and know the joy they bring and would love to be able to give that to a couple that are longing for that. Would anyone be able to give me any advice on how I go about this and agencies that people have used or if anyone has done it privately.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 29/03/2022 16:47

Don't do it. So much could go wrong. You could have major permanent health issues, even die. Concentrate on your own dc.

Bumperpackit · 29/03/2022 16:47

How is that so?? I know pregnancies come with a risk

OP posts:
MuddyPawsWars · 31/03/2022 21:17

Have you thought whether you would be a "traditional" surrogate, using your own egg or a "gestational" surrogate where the baby isn't genetically related to you OP? Do you realise you have to go through IVF to be a gestational surrogate? With all those injections of fertility drugs?
On the other hand, if you do "traditional", with DIY insemination at home what checks will you do to protect yourself from eg STD's?

Will you do it for friends or someone you know or try to match with commissioning parents? Will you want to have ongoing contact? Especially if you have gone "traditional" so the baby will, in fact, be yours, and a half sibling to your own children?
It's not uncommon for commissioning parents to be full of enthusiasm for a lifelong relationship until they get their hands in that baby, even when the surrogate was previously a best friend.

And why do you think USA surrogacy agencies offer counselling as a perk? (LMFT=Licensed marriage and Family Therapist). It really isn't easy to give up a baby you have nurtured in your body for nine months.

Wanting to become a surrogate.
Wanting to become a surrogate.
MuddyPawsWars · 31/03/2022 21:20

And if you decide to go for an "independent" route you should be aware of the risks these sorts of arrangements involve.


surrogacy has gone wrong www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surrogacy/2188488-surrogacy-has-gone-wrong

Comedycook · 31/03/2022 21:22

Why would you want to do this? Have you thought of how your existing children will feel? Have you thought about life changing birth injuries?

OhHolyJesus · 02/04/2022 08:16

Apart from the risks and impact on your children during a surrogacy pregnancy, personally I worry about the message it sends, that a woman must to be useful and help others, using her body. I think this affects boys and girls but perhaps sends a stronger message to girls who see their mother making such a physical sacrifice for strangers (in exchange for money?).

Do you have a partner and a strong support network, someone reliable to provide childcare whilst you attend appointments, are struggling with sickness, tiredness, possible miscarriage or need bed rest as well as the labour itself?

This link has been shared many times on threads about surrogacy, it might help explain why many women are now becoming concerned about how women are being 'used' for surrogacy.

nordicmodelnow.org/2020/01/29/i-was-an-altruistic-surrogate-and-am-now-against-all-surrogacy/

SolasAnla · 02/04/2022 08:21

Why not give one of your existing children away?
You have 2, do you think that they are too old to give the adopting parent the same happiness you feel?

Minster2012 · 04/04/2022 12:43

To offer a sensible side.
My son was carried by my best friend as a surrogate in 2017/2018. She has 2 children who were 9 & 6 at the time of his birth & fully aware she was carrying a baby for us as my tummy was broken.

We had a home birth at her house & her eldest girl was literally at her mums side, patted my son down first with the towel before he was passed to me to cut the cord & have skin to skin.

It's an amazing thing to do but a difficult process, there is much to think of legally, ethically & morally. The surrogacy laws in the uk are outdated but for genuine ppl it's not a problem (we got our parental order when DS was 7 months old & we did the legal process asap when he was born)

There are groups on Facebook that are secret, you have to have researched the process & understand it to join

Have a look online at Lisa lum's surrogacy you tubes

Any questions give me a shout

haveyouopenedyourbowelstoday · 04/04/2022 12:47

Someone I know is the happiest person on earth- her surrogate is over 30 weeks pregnant.
She has been very open about her infertility journey and an amazing lady came forward.
Everyone who knows them is so excited.

Hoppinggreen · 04/04/2022 12:52

Why?
What’s missing in your life that you would want to do something like that?
Pregnancy carries risks, consider the children you have already

Whiskeypowers · 04/04/2022 13:00

Is this about money?

Your children bringing you joy and some sort of sense of empathy for childless couples are ludicrous reasons for undertaking something as morally questionable and physically dangerous as surrogacy.

smartalarm · 04/04/2022 13:05

I think you should think of your existing dc or speak to someone who has been disabled by birth it left incontinent or in the very least look up the statistics on this wherever you might give birth. It might surprise you how many women are left in poor health mentally and/or physically after giving birth regardless of how many births you've already had.

Are your dc still dependent on you? If so this would be crazy.
I'm not sure if you can have life insurance if something was to happen either.
If you were in different circumstances perhaps it could work maybe if you had no ex and didn't want any but with 2 dc it's quite cruel to risk them losing you imo even if they're older. I'd be angry if my mum risked death for this anyway.

Goodbyetowinter · 04/04/2022 13:16

After two easy births, my third one was hellish. Just because you've had two children doesn't mean that you should risk your health or life for another person who is a stranger to you.

OhHolyJesus · 04/04/2022 22:43

Have a look online at Lisa lum's surrogacy you tubes

Lisa's hasn't posted in 2 years, she is perhaps focusing on her family since her daughter's autism diagnosis. In one of video from 3 years ago she talked about running away. This could have been a joke or it could be something she really wanted to do. To me, this video showed some fatigue of needing to post updates.

There aren't any recent videos to see where she is on surrogacy right now. She might have regrets that she cannot speak up about since she has built her channel on being pro-surrogacy, or she may just have better things to do than promote it, like focusing on her family.

Her video on expenses is very informative though - you can charge for a gardener in your pregnancy 'expenses'.

Viviennemary · 04/04/2022 22:45

It is fraught with difficulty and problems. Not a good idea. Babies aren't commodities.

makingmiracles · 04/04/2022 22:49

Oh Ffs. Lisa is fine! Just because someone is a surrogate does not mean we’re obliged to post up to date informative videos and blogs every few months! We have lives and often our own children to concentrate on!
Op if you would like any advice, please feel free to msg me.

GiantCheeseMonster · 04/04/2022 22:53

“What ifs” to consider.

  1. You need a forceps delivery which leaves you with birth trauma that will affect your sex life forever (this happened to me and I will have the after-effects forever).
  2. You need a CS.
  3. The baby has a birth defect discovered at the 20 week scan and the prospective parents wish to abort. Your body your choice, so if you refuse, you’re going to be holding the baby.


There are more. But those are three initial questions to consider.
Sittininafield · 04/04/2022 22:55

Why? Babies aren’t things to give away. Your dcs would have to see you give up their sibling - the sibling bond is strong. I can just about imagine why you might one to do this for your sister but for a random person? It’s a really weird thing to want to do imo, and I think you need to reflect very deeply on your reasons. Do you feel you need a ‘purpose’ or something? There are many better ways of finding purpose than baby farming.

OhHolyJesus · 04/04/2022 23:04

@makingmiracles

Oh Ffs. Lisa is fine! Just because someone is a surrogate does not mean we’re obliged to post up to date informative videos and blogs every few months! We have lives and often our own children to concentrate on!
Op if you would like any advice, please feel free to msg me.

Exactly my point. You don't owe anyone anything, least of all your body, time and sacrifice.

OP I hope you focus on yourself and your family and find whatever it is you are looking for in ways that don't pose risk, physical hardship or emotional struggles, possible loss, stress or time away from your kids.
burstcouch · 04/04/2022 23:07

Imo surrogacy isn't for me. Wombs are not incubators for the infertile but, it's your body and your decision at the end of the day.

Just do what is right for you and your family

Hoppinggreen · 05/04/2022 08:51

@makingmiracles

Oh Ffs. Lisa is fine! Just because someone is a surrogate does not mean we’re obliged to post up to date informative videos and blogs every few months! We have lives and often our own children to concentrate on!
Op if you would like any advice, please feel free to msg me.

Interesting user name, suggests a special interest In surrogacy
Anon992 · 19/04/2022 03:38

I have been a gestational surrogate for close friends previously and happy to answer any questions you might have. I am based in the U.K. (and - to prevent any unwanted PMs from intended parents - I want to be clear that I will not be undergoing any further pregnancies due to personal medical reasons).

There is lots to think about before you commence any surrogacy journey including building your understanding of the legal process, considering your preferences and your boundaries, sounding out your support network including any partner/existing children, and seeking a medical view as to the risks of pregnancy to inform your choices. There are private groups on Facebook and there are three big U.K. based surrogacy agencies all of which can provide a good basis to begin your research.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Anon992 · 19/04/2022 03:41

Oh and to respond to a previous post - I was a gestational surrogate and did not have a single IVF injection. It is possible to have a light medicated or even a natural cycle prior to embryo transfer.

MagicMiracles · 05/08/2022 12:01

Wow I’m shocked at some of the negative comments posted here. So true @Anon992. Some people in life enjoying helping others this is why we have nurses, doctors, firemen, blood donors, organ donors and surrogates. For those mentioning Lisa Lum insinuating that she’s regretting her life choices this simply isn’t true! She’s actually still actively involved in the community and loving every minute of it. There are many U.K. Facebook groups regarding surrogacy within the U.K. and many very grateful families waiting to be matched. For those fear mongers here shame on you! Not everyone in life is so negative and selfish and self centre! God help their kids! Being altruistic isn’t something some are capable of and that’s ok but do not try and put others off of being kind human beings because you’re not made that way. We don’t need anymore fear in our world. However we do need more compassionate, empathetic and altruistic people who care about others and not just themselves! We live in communities not Bubbles. Sharing is caring especially if it’s reciprocated. Good luck @Bumperpackit on your new journey of becoming a wonderful surrogate who can help many families struggling to become parents whilst meeting many life long friends. You’re truly a very special and selfless lady! Kudos to you and your family.

Fieldfly · 05/08/2022 15:11

Selling babies isn’t altruistic, neither is giving babies away. If altruism was the aim of the game people would adopt rather than use baby farming strategies. The people who speak out against surrogacy aren’t ‘fear mongers’, surrogacy is deeply unethical and does not centre the needs of the child. It is people trafficking and slavery by another name - human beings should not be treated like a commodity to be ordered, produced and handed over. It’s vile. I understand that infertility can be heartbreaking, but that does make surrogacy acceptable.

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