Shit. Do I look "Witchy"?

[ChoporNot]

Saw an ex-colleague in town today. Not seen her for c7/8 years. Bit of chit chat, small talk. And then "So you have embraced the grey. I thought of doing it in lockdown but was scared of having that witchy vibe... You're kind of rocking it though...." A bit of a pause, a change of subject and soon after we went our separate ways.

DIdn't think much of it then. But now it is digging at me. Do I look witchy? Midlength grey curls. A bit of frizz - then my curls nearly always have a bit of frizz.

Photos attached. Would normally be wash- day today - but playing sport tomorrow morning so eeking it out an extra day - so not an "insta-best-photo-possible.

Should I listen to the "Witchy" or the "Rocking it"? I know I look my age and don't really care. But I am just wondering if I need to rethink the length/style? I am nearly 50 (like days from being 50) so wondering if am over-thinking it cos of that...just having a bit of a crisis.

Honest opinions please?

[woodhill]

Since I've grown out my colour I feel more liberated and I think we have been conditioned to think dyed hair makes us look younger.

Perhaps it does but the freedom of not worrying about regrowth and having chemicals on my scalp plus the time and expense outweigh this concern for me.

I think it is becoming more acceptable anyway.

My hair is In better condition I think

[StevieNicksscarf]

@JollyJoon - so what about those of us who don't equate dyeing their hair to "looking better"?

By letting my hair go grey I am not making a political statement. I am making a personal and therefore subjective decision based on the fact that I think I look better. I also happen to think that many older women with dyed hair don't look better than they would with grey hair.

It's quite a narrow perception to think that dyed hair = looking better IMHO.

[TopCatsTopHat]

Well said wigeon

[Wigeon]

OP - you say above “ I like randoms constructive feedback. Not the "pretty" the "great" stuff. The compliments. Maybe I need to listen to them more - but that is another thread. What I hear loudest and will think on most are comments on here about rethinking the front, thinking about lipstick etc.- that is what I will take away from this thread.”

I posted saying you look great, because you posted with some insecurities about your appearance, and I genuinely think you look great. There’s no particular reason for me to just say that because I want to be nice - I have no idea who you are.

I think you have a fair bit of unhelpful confirmation bias going on. You’re insecure about your appearance (aren’t we all). 85% of people posting say you look fantastic. But you prefer to focus on the 5% of comments suggesting things you could “improve” (the remaining 10% being other comments). Why dismiss the huge majority of comments saying you look great as you are? That isn’t rational thinking - to home in on the small minority view, because it fits with your preconception (that you look bad).

On an anonymous forum, people have nothing to gain by paying compliments for the sake of it, and you’ll know that people on S&B aren’t shy at honest comments - it’s not usually just mushy compliments.

(Ok I did say you maybe could have a slight trim to tidy up some of the straggly bits…!)

[supersonicginandtonic]

@Pascal80 wow! How mean are you? Did your parents never teach you that if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. 🙄

[AnFiadhRua]

You look great. I love your hair.
I also just let my hair sit curly at the same age, after years of trying to straighten it.

[simpledeer]

How dare she!? Not witchy at all.

Your hair is lovely and you look great.

[ChoporNot]

If nothing else, OP, you are brave. Or stupid! Or expecting a mere 16 comments in S&B....

If someone has self-esteem issues connected withh their appearance, the last place to some and show pictures of oneself would be Mumsnet, or the internet generally. You are NOT gauranteed compliments, which is usually what people with ""issues" want - unless, they want to turn it into a victim situation. You are probably right to a degree. Nevertheless, I think we all deal with our self-esteem (or other issues) differently. Look at instagram.....

I know I am blessed with what people think of as good bone structure and people generally love curls. But I don't see them - well obviously I do - but they are not what I focus on.

I know I do not see myself objectively. Like a lot of us, I see mostly the negatives. I see the frizz, the thinness (thanks menopause). The angular face. The wrinkles, the jowls starting. I worry my hair drags my face down. That maybe I could make more of my curls/cheekbones etc. I was happy with my hair a few weeks back after a cut - but am not happy with it now. So this ^^ is my internal dialogue. Maybe I was after compliments/reassurance to quieten the negative voice in my head. Or maybe for some objective feedback to point out what the actual problem is. What I could actually "fix". Maybe need to fix myself internally though, rather than some tweaks to my appearance

@Luredbyapomegranate and others, I think a shorter style would accentuate my cheekbones and eyes more...but god, it has taken my sooooo long to grow it, it would probably make me cry to have it cut. And finding a hairdresser who knows how to cut shorter hair....Maybe in a few years.... Though, if a confident stylist said "We are doing this, I insist" I would go with it. Basically, I am 100% shit at style/beauty/fashion decisions all decisions and want a full-time stylist please. Or a S&B thread or two.

Oh, and, amusingly, put some lipstick on after my shower...DD came into my room. "You are wearing lipstick. Why?"

[Luredbyapomegranate]

.. also I think your colleague may have dropped an accidental clanger honestly. Lots of people worry c long, grey hair being unflattering - so she was probably focused on herself while looking at your hair, and the witchy comment referred to her fears, not what she thinks you look like.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

If only my curls were so defined…

You look good to me.

A bit more colour - blusher/lip - would brighten your face a bit, a semi-mat lip would be more of the moment. Maybe (maybe) a slightly shorter style would suit your face/jawline better. No point kidding yourself you wouldn’t look younger if your hair was dyed - but if that doesn’t matter to you, it doesn’t matter.

[TheMarzipanDildo]

It looks fabulous- honestly I can’t think what colour would suit you better!

[Fifilafrog]

Amazing! I'd take her comment literally if I were you. Even if it may be with a touch in envy that she hasn't done it herself. 👍🏻

[JollyJoon]

@DietrichandDiMaggio
I don't know why you're so insistent on conflating grey hair with body shape and weight.

People are slim for a huge range of reasons, from that being their natural size, to having a healthy lifestyle, to being looks obsessed, to being sporty.

People dye their greys for one reason and that's to look better. Which is also the only reason people where makeup. That's why I find it weird to pretend you arent bothered by society's gaze.

Probably the reason for this is that the grey movement is just a trend and like any other fashion will be gone within 5 years. It's a kind of vanity veiled as a political statement.

[LittleGungHo]

I am 34 and a silver sister, you are rocking it.
Society needs people like us to push the norm.
I was asked if I was babysitting my son (who I was breastfeeding at the time). There have been other unhelpful comments.
I look at photos of my dyed hair and cringe at the colour block.
Go out there shining and putting to fingers up at judgemental knobs.
Grombre and Silver Sister communities on social media a filled with people like us :).

[LoveMyPiano]

If someone has self-esteem issues connected withh their appearance, the last place to some and show pictures of oneself would be Mumsnet, or the internet generally. You are NOT gauranteed compliments, which is usually what people with ""issues" want - unless, they want to turn it into a victim situation.

And I certainly don't think it is OK to keep referring to 50 as old, or in fact denegrate ageing with regard to "looks" ("looks good for" etc etc), it is something none of us can escape, and all deal with it differently; I am older than the OP, not grey yet, and am very vain. I wouldn't post a photo of myself for the opinions of the masses, unless I was sure that all I would get would be flattering remarks.

If nothing else, OP, you are brave.

[ChoporNot]

Agree...I think she was talking about herself and then suddenly thought, oh dam, now she thinks I've called her witchy and probably felt mortified. I do stuff like this all the time blush

@Comedycook so do I. All the time. Foot in mouth....

And you are probably right. But I think I have worked out she hit a nerve on how I feel about myself. So my issue for my reaction - not hers for saying it.

[ChoporNot]

@Bluntness100

I have to be honest op, for someone who doesn’t “give a fuck about what others think” you post your photo on here regularly. It’s not an issue thay you do, you do you, but I see you post your photo regularly and randomly, even on peoples threads.

It’s behavuour that doesn’t really line up with the thought that you don’t care what others think, and you usually do it seeking compliments or reassurance.

The poster who said see you in a month was correct, in a months time you will post your image on someone’s thread saying look at what I look like, or start a thread asking people to basically compliment you again. It’s quite unusual. I’m wondering if you do it on other sites too.

I think you look great and really need to stop looking for compliments or reassurance on it from randoms on line.

@Bluntness100 you are always honest. Which I like. So if you think I look great, thank you.

You are right. I really, really try not to give a fuck. I know that is where I should be. But sometimes I do. And then I doubt myself and fret myself into a needy worry. You can clearly tell. I could explain exactly why. But I won't bore people with it. My counsellor got the joy of that. And it is not why I am on the Style and Beauty topic.

I came on a Style and Beauty forum (randoms on line) and ask those randoms, also interested in Style and Beauty, for their honest opinion and feedback. On my style. I am really, really not the only one. But maybe I should think before I do so.

I, like others, value random-on-lines opinions. There is no messy history/bias/not wanting to offend agenda. I like randoms constructive feedback. Not the "pretty" the "great" stuff. The compliments. Maybe I need to listen to them more - but that is another thread. What I hear loudest and will think on most are comments on here about rethinking the front, thinking about lipstick etc.- that is what I will take away from this thread. It is what I was after... maybe what has been in my head about how I look. Why the comment touched a nerve.

And, just a little self-defence here... the photos on "random" threads...I really am not just shoving a photo of my hair on a thread about someone's knitting pattern or relationship issue. They are largely threads over a 5/6 year period, generally in Style and Beauty topic, about if the OP should embracing the grey/go grey/how to do it/how to get through the growing out. I went pixie cut to do it. Others grow out the demarkation line. It is something I have (one) experience of. And thought about. A Lot! And when I was making the decision to ditch the dye, actually, photos of real people having done, hearing their experiences really helped. So I am sharing my experience to help others.

[Comedycook]

@MarshaBradyo

I don’t think the colleague was saying it about op though?

Isn’t it like seeing someone wear something you can’t and you say something self deprecating

I’m not sure it was anything other than a bit clumsy - as it caused op to doubt herself

Agree...I think she was talking about herself and then suddenly thought, oh dam, now she thinks I've called her witchy and probably felt mortified. I do stuff like this all the time

[Yorkshirelass04]

I think your friend might be a bit jealous!!

Agree with everyone else you look amazing.

[MarshaBradyo]

I don’t think the colleague was saying it about op though?

Isn’t it like seeing someone wear something you can’t and you say something self deprecating

I’m not sure it was anything other than a bit clumsy - as it caused op to doubt herself

[NewBeginning39]

Your hair looks brill…..your ex colleague, not so much

[DietrichandDiMaggio]

[quote JollyJoon]@DietrichandDiMaggio
Do you question why overweight people wear nice clothes, or do their hair and make-up, because according to your logic, if they can't be bothered to 'deal with' their bodies, why do they care about the other things

Unlike you I dont assume people who are overweight are overweight because they are lazy/cant be bothered.[/quote]
My point was if someone doesn't meet society's expectations in one way (non-grey hair, slim, toned body etc.) for whatever reason, do you think they can't care about the way they look?

[Fiftythreepercent]

@Unmerited

In this case though the grey makes OP look older than her age.

Age! The most terrible thing for a woman to reveal. Honestly, what a load of bollocks.

Not job hunted in your fifties then?

[Frauhubert]

I will be totally honest since you want an honest opinion. I normally think longer grey hair do look witchy yes. However you look stunning and not witchy in the slightest.