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please help me help my mum.
10

bozo14 · 23/01/2015 10:26

Ok so my mum has been told she will die if she doesnt give up smoking as she has COPD. She was told this a few months ago. But still smoking.

Finally she told me yesterday that she does want to give up and she has booked into the smoking clinic in a couple of weeks. Hopefully this will help her but im wondering if I can help

Shes tried the vapour things but they didnt work she also said when i had my baby she would stop for him she didnt.
She said yesterday but its the only fun thing she has that she can do for herself. This has made me think maybe she doesnt want to give up?

Any help or tips or advice? I thought she would have given up as soon as they told her she was dieing

N.b I used to smoke and gave up the day I found out I was pregnant cold turkey.

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PlentyOfPubeGardens · 24/01/2015 08:37

Oh dear, you must both be worried sick Flowers

She probably doesn't want to stop smoking, just knows she has to. She's done a fantastic thing making the appointment, that's a big step and will greatly increase her chances of success. Make sure you tell her you're proud of her.

Tips:

  • recognise that not everyone can just stop when they get bad news / have a really good reason. The vast majority of the remaining long-term smokers have a long history of failed quit attempts behind them.
  • trust Stop Smoking Services to manage her quit attempt and support what they say, even if their methods are not how you would do things. It might be, for example, that they advise her to use NRT long term. This is fine and will not worsen her COPD.
  • encourage every success, however small. If she slips, encourage her to count up how many fags she hasn't smoked, not how many she has.

    Shes tried the vapour things but they didnt work
    I'm guessing she tried one of the little ones they sell in supermarkets that look like a fag? They're not great, there is much more effective kit on the market now.

    Depending on where she lives, stop smoking services may or may not be supportive of vaping - more and more of them are catching on to the potential of ecigs but it's a slow process. If they are supportive and she wants to give vaping another try, see if there is a proper vape shop anywhere near you. They will be able to set her up with a good kit and show her how to use it. Failing that, there's lots of advice on here for decent kit you can buy online.

    For now though, just go with what stop smoking services recommend. They'll talk through lots of options with her.
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pigwitch · 24/01/2015 08:51

If she doesn't want to give up then she won't - end of. In my experience cold turkey is the most effective way but it takes bags of willpower.
Unfortunately some people don't have it in them to stop. Like my mum. She's smoked for nearly 50 years and knows its bad for her and that it'll eventually catch up with her but she'll never stop because she has no desire to. Very sad really.

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PlentyOfPubeGardens · 24/01/2015 11:35

I didn't want to stop smoking. I knew that I ought to stop and my health was telling me I needed to stop but I never wanted to. I still managed it, thanks to vaping, and have been smoke free now for well over a year.

My DMum didn't want to stop either. She had to because of emphysema. She managed it with the help of stop smoking services and NRT. She still misses it but hasn't smoked for almost a decade.

It's great that there is a big range of options because everybody's different.

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PolterGoose · 24/01/2015 13:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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bozo14 · 01/03/2015 20:05

Hi all, thank you for your responses.

4 ish weeks on and she keeps cancelling her clinic appointments because of colds etc.

She said she is going next week to rearrange the appointment but im not sure if she will.

Is this putting off behaviour? AAny ideas anything I could do to help?

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Mostlyjustaluker · 01/03/2015 20:11

Unfortantley she is an addict and she will only stop when she wants to. Maybe try the al-anon website for advice about how you can deal with this.

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PlentyOfPubeGardens · 01/03/2015 21:33

Yes this does sound like putting-off behaviour, sorry Sad

Do you know how advanced her COPD is? Is she on medication? How old is she? COPD kills but for most people there are years or even decades preceding that when it's a long-term, somewhat manageable condition. My DMum has lived with COPD for 15 years. She did stop smoking but not until she got a chest infection and couldn't get dressed without sitting down half-way through to get her breath. They say COPD is irreversible but my DMum can now manage quite long walks at a reasonable pace as long as there are no hills. I don't think she could do that without the medication though.

It's easy to panic when you get a diagnosis like that but it's important to think long term if she's in the early stages - if she's smoked her whole life it might take her more than a few weeks to get her head round the idea she has to stop. All you can do is keep encouraging her and try not to nag. I know this isn't easy when you see a loved one doing themselves such dreadful damage.

If she's really poorly, some stop smoking services do home visits - is this something she might consider? It varies widely what they offer depending on where you live but it might be worth investigating.

Ultimately, you might have to accept that she will never stop smoking Flowers

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bozo14 · 02/03/2015 08:53

Thank you Plentyof

Shes 55

She doesnt say much she has said the doctor told her if she doesnt stop smoking she will die but im not sure on time frame

She has to use a puffer every morning which i peeked at the name and it is for her COPD not asthma or anything.
She regularly gets chest infections.

Im not pushy i never say you must give up but have said oh did you re make your app each week she told me she would remake it. Should i stop that though is it pushy?

She was diagnosed months ago but only actyally told me face to face in January.

Pulmonary disease is COPD isnt it because she said she had both.

She still works in the mornings. But she cant walk far. Also drinks more than the recommended allowances does that make a difference?

Im glad your mum managed to give up and shes had many years. That is good news. It mustbe hard to deal with

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PlentyOfPubeGardens · 02/03/2015 12:53

Oh she's very young! It sounds like it's not too far advanced if she is still working. I'd be inclined to leave off asking about the appointment for the time being. What prompted her to tell you about the diagnosis in January? If it's something she brings up herself from time to time, just use those opportunities to offer support. Her mind might be in just the right place for a quit attempt in a month or two. Also, she will be being monitored for her COPD and the doctors won't forget to remind her she needs to quit!

Pulmonary disease is COPD isnt it because she said she had both.
Yes, COPD = Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.

I don't think the drinking will affect it but if it's very heavy it could cause other problems. If it's just a bit over the recommended allowances I wouldn't worry about it - she'll already be feeling a sense of impending loss about having to quit the fags and that's the most important thing she can do for her health right now.

Does she get her flu jabs? That's really important if you have COPD.

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MATINA99 · 07/07/2021 22:33

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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