Am I just terrible?

[JustWantPeace]

DH is away this weekend so I'm home alone as our toddler DC is with my mum this weekend. I don't have plans unfortunately as I am working but still... Bliss.

Anyway, sort of teen DSS has been coming and going as he pleases more often these days (he's nearly 13) rather than a strict schedule. He seems to like being here a lot and will often ask if he can come (which is fine).

DH is fine with this and also seems to think it should be fine when he's not here too because DSS doesn't really need much (he'll often go and meet friends or something as we live very close to his best mates).

Anyway, I got a message this evening from him asking if he could stay at ours tonight so he can meet aforementioned best friend and go out with him tomorrow, he's said his mum will drop him off and she's said it's fine. I've basically pretended not to see the message and plan to just day my phone died or was on silent in the other room usually I'd just say I had plans but if it got back to DH he'd know that's not true as I told him earlier I was looking forward to doing absolutely nothing tonight.

Anyway, am I just the world's worst step mother? I just want to be alone in my house for one night for godsake. My own DC isn't even here. His mum can drop him off at his mates tomorrow if he wants to go.

[funinthesun19]

You handled it well Op. I hope you had a lovely night to yourself. We all need it.
You did nothing wrong by not jumping at the prospect of DSS coming round. Your toddler was at your mum’s, dh was working away and DSS was at his mum’s. He could just as easily go to his friend’s house from his mum’s this morning I bet.

I hope nobody has been an arse with you about it.

[pitchforksandflamethrowers]

Oh god nothing wrong with how you handled it ! Have some cake 🍰 and wine and enjoy the blissful silence !

[HeArInGhandsgirl11]

Nothing wrong with this every parent must want time away from children including step children. Hope you enjoyed your peace

[12Thorns]

@JustWantPeace

Replied later on and said I'd not seen the message but couldn't do tonight / tomorrow sorry and just left it at that!

Good response!!

[JustWantPeace]

Replied later on and said I'd not seen the message but couldn't do tonight / tomorrow sorry and just left it at that!

[CornishGem1975]

Oh good god no, you're not being terrible. If my DH isn't here, my SC stay with their mum. They come to spend time with their dad, not me.

[arethereanyleftatall]

@Youseethethingis1

You do have plans. You plan to enjoy one single night of complete and utter peace.
I'd just say tonight doesn't suit but you can pop along tommorow if you like. No need to justify yourself or go into details.

I love this response. It's so true. It's a plan as valid as any other.

Yanbu. Peace and quiet in your own home when you have children is utterly priceless.

[11Hawkins]

Nothing wrong with that at all. I wouldn't be best pleased either.

[Vsirbdo]

I would do the same as you although I’d probably tell my DH as he’d probably understand how precious a child free night is and even a teenager being at home means that isn’t quite the same

[Dogroses]

I would not give up a night alone without my toddler for anything! As others have said I would reply but not feel guilty. There's so much guilt in stepparenting. You deserve this evening and you are not doing anything wrong! I have DSCs and am not looking forward to the stage when they want to come and go. I really don't like anything last minute - I'm always looking ahead. It's already good of you to have an open door most of the time - you are allowed to maintain some control.

[12Thorns]

So what happened?

[Datsandcogs]

Unreasonable not to reply but not unreasonable to have a night to yourself.

Please let them know, don’t leave them assuming.

[TheCanyon]

You really should reply to him at least to say you're just being by yourself. Ignoring him really isn't nice.

[PinkSyCo]

Nope, if you were the world’s worst stepmum I very much doubt your DSS would be wanting to stay with you when his dad’s not there. So enjoy your child free weekend guilt free OP.

[Greensleeves]

I don't think you are unreasonable to want the night to yourself, DH is away and you were looking forward to a child-free break. I do think it's rather childish of you to just ignore the message, though. I would expect an adult to behave like one, and just tell her truthfully why you don't want him there tonight.

[12Thorns]

just no. Unreasonable request. Unreasonable situation to put you in

[Cantdoitallperfectly]

Nothing wrong at all with this. You deserve some peace and space. Don’t stress over this and enjoy your solo time.

[Izzy24]

@Changedagain876

Nothing wrong with this at all!

I agree.

But it will still turn out to be you that’s in the wrong…..

[Pinkyxx]

Peaceful time alone is having plans, it is essential especially with a toddler! Gosh I couldn't pee in peace when DD was a toddler.. I honestly don't see why you'd need to justify having a night of peace either.

Can't see why his Mum can't drop him off at his friends tbh... I wouldn't dream of dropping DD at her Dad's if he wasn't there and step mum was alone..

[Changedagain876]

Nothing wrong with this at all!

[KangarooKenny]

No. You’ve no reason to be in charge of him when you’ve got time to yourself.

[Youseethethingis1]

You do have plans. You plan to enjoy one single night of complete and utter peace.
I'd just say tonight doesn't suit but you can pop along tommorow if you like. No need to justify yourself or go into details.

[MeridianB]

Why is him seeing his best friend dependent on staying yours? Can’t his mum drop him at friend’s and pick him up?

[Reluctantadult]

Nothing wrong with this. But I think you ought to reply though, can't you just say that you are having some time to yourself, but you're looking forward to seeing dss tomorrow...

[Tothepoint99]

Nope. Definitely not terrible. It's hard when you just want to carve out a few moments of peace instead of feeling like you're permanently on duty. Nothing wrong with DSS Mum dropping in the morning.