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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

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Tutor suspects ASD in 12 year old DS
9

LegoLady95 · 10/07/2021 13:26

DS (12) tutor called me yesterday. He has been getting himself into trouble for minor things, which then escalates as he completely overreacts. They tell me he is among the brightest in the school year, but won't do as well as others due to behaviour impacting his learning. They want me to make a GP appt for a referral.

I have a 14 year old with severe LD and ASD so am no stranger to SN. My younger children have a pretty difficult time due to my eldest as he is very challenging. I have often wondered if something was going on for my 12 year old over the years (although my instinct was more ADHD than ASD) but primary teachers never agreed so I thought pursuing it was pointless. DH doesn't agree but the older DH gets the more I think he has ASD traits so probably isn't seeing things the same way I do. Also have an 8 year old DD who has no traits I have noticed.

DS's main issues are:

Highly impulsive behaviour which can get him in trouble; inability to read signs when other have had enough of something or he has gone too far/pushed an issue including with teachers; sleep issues; fidgeting at school and home/can't sit still; wants to spend all his time doing the same activity; very dramatic/emotional, struggles with difficult conversations; gets very angry and has been known to lash out but mostly verbal.

Not sure what I am asking, but do others here have similar children of this age with a diagnosis? My eldest was diagnosed 12 years ago,so it's all very different now. I guess I am steeling myself for going through it all again, potentially without my DH's support.

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RivkaMumsnet · 11/07/2021 22:25

Hi OP, have moved this to SN teens for you and giving it a little bump. Hopefully someone will be along soon who can help.

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Anonymity1 · 13/07/2021 22:47

Hi Legolady,
Your son sounds rather like mine. He's Yr 8, but school sowed the seeds of doubt after only half a term. Previous schools just segregated him from his peers (which probably did not help).
He's just been referred to neurodevelopment now.
It's good to know I'm not alone in having a tween/teenage kid whose normality is being questioned.
Feel free to PM me. Sometimes it can be very lonely / heartbreaking to have an older kid who doesn't fit in. Cake

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chipshopElvis · 13/07/2021 23:12

Hi, he sounds similar to my recently diagnosed 12 year old. I requested an adhd assessment as I was convinced that was the issue but he was referred by that team for an adhd assessment and here we are. Concentration and fidgeting issues as well as social problems are what cause issues at school for him. He is also fairly bright but not achieving in line with that. For us it has only really become apparent that he was different from most of his peers in the last couple of years.

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LegoLady95 · 14/07/2021 22:07

Thanks so much to both of you. I am worried that he won't meet criteria for an assessment, particularly as he is sociable and has a nice group of friends (who I think tolerate some of his behaviours). It was so easy getting a diagnosis for my eldest as everything was so obvious from such a young age. I also feel guilty that I didn't follow my instincts when he was younger, and have maybe swept it under the carpet because I am always fire fighting my eldest child's challenging behaviour.

Can I ask how long the referral process has taken for you both?

Chipshopelvis - does your son have an ADHD diagnosis or ASD? The more I read about ADHD and high-functioning ASD the more I wonder if my son has both...

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Anonymity1 · 15/07/2021 21:39

What has taken a long time is the school getting the right forms in, despite them making out they were desperate for him to be seen by someone.
Their first attempt to refer 6 months ago via Cahms was rejected and I was offered an Adhd parenting class. I contacted the people explaining I didn't want Adhd (or anything particularly) but a psychologist's input on why he struggles socially would be useful. They recommended neurodevelopment route, which I fed back to school.
I've finally had verbal confirmation that the outstanding paperwork has been received by the neuro team this week.
Now I'm awaiting written contact to see what the wait is (if accepted). I was told it could be between 7 months and 2+ years)...

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chipshopElvis · 02/08/2021 21:32

So sorry @legolady95 I didn't get a notification for your reply. He has an ASD diagnosis which has taken the best part of 2 years, we were told 6 months, but then, Covid... He had about 18 months of assessments prior to that Speech and Language had to.see him, then ADHD referrals, then ASD. It all seems glaringly obvious to me now but I really wasn't certain of the outcome until the last minute. I thought we wouldn't get a diagnosis because of sociability but that's mainly with adults and he dies struggle with peers. How are you getting along?

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LegoLady95 · 02/08/2021 22:19

@chipshopElvis thanks!
I spoke to the GP who told me to do a referral with school via a website so I will have to wait until September to even get the ball rolling. He seems a bit more relaxed since I broached the subject with him, relieved perhaps? Interesting that you felt the same about the sociability thing. This all feels so different from my eldest who was very easy to diagnose.

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KimGriffinOT · 11/08/2021 08:34

Referral pathways/wait times are different everywhere. It may be that now he is in secondary there are more changes (e.g. different teachers) and also a much higher need to organise (e.g. changing classes) so this will need more cognitive demand and lead to overload more easily. Hormones will also be coming in soon which makes that impulse control/overreaction ever harder to keep a lid on.

Diagnosis could help him and those around him understand better. Social skills are such a hard thing to define. Often there are subtle differences in understanding perspectives or even semantics. But there can also be anxiety/worry around situations. As you have said he also has a nice group of friends, 'who tolerate behaviour'. This is awesome, but also doesn't rule out the fact that he might struggle socially in unfamiliar situations or with new people.

I worked with one girl who did amazingly at primary school as all of the kids in her one form entry supported her. But we knew that secondary would be much harder due to the size and lack of support. She had friends and loved socialising, but often needed scaffolding from mum to make it successful.

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MackenCheese · 21/08/2021 22:19

Op your ds sounds exactly like mine, who is 13 and has an asd diagnosis (when he was 10). He is in year 8 and it has been a nightmare since starting secondary school/covid. We got an ehcp in year 7. His behaviour is challenging at home, but good in school and life is tough on his younger sister. She and I are planning a holiday next week without him!

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