AIBU

[MissHemsworth]

Me & DH have DS1 & DS2 (18 months & 4) I was made redundant last year at the end of my maternity leave & the redundancy tided us over until Xmas. Over Xmas DH was headhunted & now does a job with much better pay that he enjoys a lot more which has allowed me to be a SAHM. He has however been away mon-fri every week since he started the job. I feel like the kids are my focus atm & really are the centre of my world & therefore I have broached the subject of a 3rd. DH is refusing to talk about it & brushes it off/makes a joke/changes the subject then gets moody if I call him out on this. AIBU to want a 3rd? We have the space & the financial security & I have given up my career to raise the kids so I feel like now (in the next year or so) would be the right time? Going back to work isn't an option either because DH is away so much & we would have very little support with childcare. Any opinions/advice would be appreciated!

[MissHemsworth]

He is very hands on with them, he's a good Dad. Not so much when they are babies (I did all the night feeds etc etc) but now they are older he is.

[MissHemsworth]

I think you're right Laurie, it's probably the communication thing that is frustrating me the most tbh. It feels like he is making decisions before discussing them with me on subjects that I feel I should have some say I on.

[LizKeen]

How much does he take to do with the DCs when he is home?

YANBU to want a conversation about it, but I think you need to start facing the reality that he doesn't want any more.

[LaurieLemons]

I don't know then, maybe he just sees it as way too much more stress and is just laughing the idea off? Yanbu to want a straight answer, even if it's just no I don't fancy any more kids!

[MissHemsworth]

He won't give up the job he loves it. He's not keen on being away tbh but he sees it as worth it for the money he is getting IYSWIM?! He's not very good with communication at home tbh sometimes having a normal conversation with him is near impossible but I've just accepted that he's like that. However when it comes to discussing important things it can get quite frustrating!

[LaurieLemons]

Is he happy being away most of the week? Are you sure he wouldn't find it easier if you returned to work and he could have a 'regular' job? No idea but could explain why he won't talk to you.

[MissHemsworth]

He hasn't actually said that though, he just refuses to talk about it which I guess speaks volumes.

I do work Saturdays doing a job that I love but I'm having to give it up because of his work commitments.

[RudeElf]

Actually i dont think he does have to explain it or discuss it if he doesnt want a third child. I think its fair enough to say "i dont want more children"

Also, him being away does not mean you cant work if you want to. Speaking as a working single parent with no family available for childcare.

[MissHemsworth]

Thanks for the input He comes from a family that have quite old fashioned views that the man should be the breadwinner which has always aspired to be & the woman should be at home with the kids, which is kind of what our situation is atm.

[NNalreadyinuse]

He is being very unreasonable to not even discuss this with you. However, for me, if two people cannot agree then the default has to be no to another child.
He would be very much in the wrong if he was angling for you to return to work, having deliberately taken a job that leaves all child care to you mon-fri.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Well YANBU to want the conversation, it sounds like he doesn't want another but he needs to articulate that and hopefully explain why. Maybe he doesn't like being the sole breadwinner and wants you to get back to work sooner, or maybe he hasn't enjoyed the baby stage?

Not really fair of him not to discuss.