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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Staying calm!

45 replies

ForestFly · 26/05/2003 15:59

Can anyone give me any advice please! My Partner is leaving me and i am finding it really hard to keep it together! I cant get it out of my head, cant concentrate on anything just want to cry all the time and feel terribly sick. I am so in love with him! I am not letting anyone see this side of me. Friends and family say im very strong, but how do you actually stay that way when alone?

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Report

SamboM · 28/05/2003 11:56

Yeah, screwed up my brother and my dh - I was sent but screamed until they took me away!

beetroot · 28/05/2003 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ForestFly · 28/05/2003 11:34

Beetroot, can't afford that

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beetroot · 28/05/2003 09:00

This reply has been deleted

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breeze · 28/05/2003 08:19

Forestfly, I know it is hard for you right now, but you will find someone else and learn to trust again, it will be hard at first, but you will get there. Take care

ForestFly · 28/05/2003 01:49

I know that its gone now! Can't believe he's changed this much, will never trust anyone again! Didn't want to get bitter ,but how can you be best mates one minute and then they can't look at you again?????????

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ForestFly · 27/05/2003 23:49

Can i meet him

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happyspider · 27/05/2003 23:23

Forestfly, I can understand how you feel and why you don't want to be alone.
My dh's best friend was around for dinner tonight, it wasn't planned, but his dp left him at the week end out of the blue saying she doesn't love him anymore and wants to rebuild her life by herself.
The poor guy is shattered, they had gone away for the bank hol and were abroad, when Saturday she announced she was going back home to her parents and could he keep her staff in his house for a couple of months while she sorts things out...

He was left to spend the rest of the week end on his own and is now planning to pack all her belongings and ask her to collect everything asap.

He's been around here tonight because he could not stand to go back to an empty house, knowing she is not there and won't come back.

What I want to say is that men can suffer as much as women, and this is love, unfortunately.
But it is important to share your thoughts with friends and relatives and to have people around as it does help the healing process.

All my support in this difficult moment

whymummy · 27/05/2003 22:12

theres hope even if it doesnt seem like it now,my BIL left my sister and 3 year old nephew for my sisters best friend and although she thought it was the end of the world she has managed to rebuild her life,has a new partner,beautiful home and lots of new friends my ex BIL on the other hand is in a terrible relationship and has lots of financial problems,youll be fine but it`ll take time

breeze · 27/05/2003 22:01

OOPs I am sorry tired, meant Forestfly. Also read my type now who's the tit. Sorry.

breeze · 27/05/2003 22:00

Firefly, I really hope that everything works out for you, which I am sure tit will.

XXX

Ghosty · 27/05/2003 21:59

This is awful forestfly ... I just want to give my support to you. There are other mumsnetters who have gone through the same thing and are trying to be strong ... I think some of them have posted here for you ...
I know you love your H but if he is going to leave you when you need him most then is he worth that love??

whymummy · 27/05/2003 21:55

i`m really sorry forest,did he go to the counsellor?what did he said tonight?

ForestFly · 27/05/2003 21:21

Things have really hit the fan! asked man if he was adamant, he said yes!!!! So i told my mum and dad,next minute dad is at the door dh was abusive, dad really hurt!

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SamboM · 27/05/2003 18:26

Forestfly, sorry to hear you are having such an awful time and good luck tonight, I'm sure you'll hold it together and look in control etc (have the voddie ready for when he goes)

See you in the Mum's Arms

Oh and btw we are all nutters actually. Esp M2T lol!

ForestFly · 27/05/2003 16:47

He doesn't deserve a hug!!!!!!!! Hopefully i'll behave myself, want to look in control and gorgeous(not desperate!)I really feel that i can be calm and composed lets hope so. If im drinking double vodkas later you'll know why! Thankyou again feel like somebodies doing this with me!

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M2T · 27/05/2003 16:37

Forestfly - NO HUGS THEN!

Be strong, try not to cry and I really hope you manage to sort some stuff out. I'll be online later on. Come to the Mums Arms thread if you fancy a cyber drink once he's left.

ForestFly · 27/05/2003 16:34

Thankyou Beetroot, can,t believe how therapeutic this is. I would have never thought so before, thought it was just for nutters! You all sound so lovely. Im in Manchester, making sure i'm out alot seeing people. Going to go away for the weekend. I have two children boys age 2 and 4. My mum has got the eldest for a week because i find it easier just now with one (is that mean?)Besides he needs a lot more explaining ,and i've not yet decided what to say. In answer to the other thread(my husband left me) its too late hes on his way round! Obviously not as strong as you lot!

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beetroot · 27/05/2003 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

M2T · 27/05/2003 10:27

He sounds like a very mixed up person with lots of unanswered questions in his life. He is shutting you out when he probably need you most! That sounds like a very defensive reaction. The counselling could be just what he needs and I'm sure he'll talk about you lots.

Don't get your hopes up though that this could mean he'll come back to you. Just concentrate on getting some normality (however, small) back into your life. Could you manage a night out with some friends? Maybe go somewhere that you and your partner never were toghether so no memories creeping back to spoil it. It's a light relief and your not going to feel better overnight, but just having a break from thinking about him and reminded of your situation will do you the world of good, I promise!

ForestFly · 27/05/2003 10:22

Hes gong to see a counsellor this afernoon, it was arranged before he left, so he could talk about his family. Didn't want me to go. I hope she tells him to sort it out and come back home. Then again he might not mention me!

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spacemonkey · 27/05/2003 07:58

PS - it's a bit of a long shot, but is there a friend or family member who can come and stay with you, even if just for a few days? Please don't be afraid to ask for help and support from those that are close to you - they will want to help you. Also, don't feel that you should be keeping it together - the way you're feeling and reacting to this at the moment is perfectly normal! xxx

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spacemonkey · 27/05/2003 07:53

so sorry you're going through this forestfly - i agree with the others who have asked if he will consider going to see a counsellor with you ... perhaps it has all become too much for him to handle and he needs to escape for a while?? i'm not saying it's right that he's left you and your ds, but just wondering if it's a temporary thing. Whatever happens, please try to cling on to the fact that you WILL be ok - and that is a fact, no matter how bad you are feeling now. I know it's hard, the worst feeling in the world, but you will get through it. I know it sounds drastic, but if you find yourself feeling absolutely desperate in the middle of the night and can't ring anyone, consider ringing the samaritans - not suggesting you're suicidal! but they are there for anyone, and sometimes in this sort of crisis situation, you just have to be able to wail at someone else, it just helps more than wailing alone. My heart goes out to you xxx

ForestFly · 27/05/2003 00:06

Wish i could get the comfort i usually get from him when i feel c**p. Suppose im going to have to find it from somewhere else now. Just read Hopeys thread and feel numb. Can't believe this is a everyday occurence. Just like child birth! Going to try and sleep it, will feel wierd not being able to roll over and hug him
(just realised i rely on spellcheck!)

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ForestFly · 26/05/2003 22:49

Went to bed started thinking, back up, chain smoking!

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