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Relationships
I heard my husband having sex with O.W
Hopelessromatic · 12/03/2023 21:09
I don't even know where to start as my life seems so far away from what I had thought my life would be when I got married 29 yrs ago . I found out three yrs ago that my husband was having an affair, he was with this mistress 4 yrs at that stage and I stupidly thought I could change him and that he would be forever grateful to me for giving him a chance. He saw me going through hell as I got a break down and literally couldn't function eventually after a long while I pulled myself together and thought we were doing ok but I still couldn't trust him . Just before Xmas I found a second phone belonging to him with no sim in it but was connected up to Facebook, I couldn't believe it when I read messages from another woman asking him over to her house for sex and he saying " he can't wait " I confronted him but of course he said they were only fooling and that he never went to her house so with Xmas coming I just tried to forget about it and concentrated on Xmas and having a happy house for the children. I started to notice that he was on his phone alot and constantly on WhatsApp as I could see on my phone he was always on line .. I asked him was he still in contact with this woman ? and he got very defensive and said I was terrible to asked him such a thing . I knew he would never be honest so I put a voice recorder under the seat of his car and low and behold there i heard the whole SEX session ( this was with the most recent woman ) . I listened to it all and it's like a switch has gone off in my head and suddenly I don't want him anymore .He was meeting up with her while i was at night work and met her three time in the one week .He doesn't know that I know about this yet as I'm not sure how to confront him . I want him to leave the house as I'm never ever taking him back . I don't even know why I'm writing this . I feel such a fool for believing him the first time and now I can see only a lonely life ahead of me . By the way I'm 50 yrs old and have been with my husband since I was 17 . I feel I wasted all my good years with a man who thought very little of me while I was very much in love with him . How could I have been so blind !!
PMAmostofthetime · 12/03/2023 21:26
So sorry so hear this @Hopelessromatic
Just tell him, you know he's been meeting up with ( insert name) while you have been working nights and you want him to leave it's over. Your worth more than this and he's blown his second chance. Mid you think he won't go wait until he's at work.
Change the locks and then send the message.
You are worth more than this, he's lucky that he got a second and a third chance if you count the time before Christmas.
I hope your ok.
Supersands · 12/03/2023 21:32
This isn’t your fault. He has gaslighted you. Make a plan. See a solicitor. If you have children go on entitled to and see if you are entitled to any benefit help. One step at a time you can do it. I felt like you did over an emotional affair. He blamed me when I questioned him. I also lost trust and felt stupid. He left last year after I said no more. It’s not always easy but I’m happier and life is simpler without the games. Good luck.
CoedenNadoligLanOHyd · 12/03/2023 21:37
Get rid of him, why waste more of your life on this area hole. It's hard to leave, but not as hard as living like you are.
You'll be much happier when you're not being made to feel like this.
Beat wishes for the future - it will be brighter, happier and beautiful.
tanjaav · 12/03/2023 21:39
PMAmostofthetime · 12/03/2023 21:26
So sorry so hear this @Hopelessromatic
Just tell him, you know he's been meeting up with ( insert name) while you have been working nights and you want him to leave it's over. Your worth more than this and he's blown his second chance. Mid you think he won't go wait until he's at work.
Change the locks and then send the message.
You are worth more than this, he's lucky that he got a second and a third chance if you count the time before Christmas.
I hope your ok.
Change the locks? You mean lock him out of the house he most likely partially owns and is entitled to live in? This wouldn't be enforceable - you can't make him leave, however much the OP wants him to. She can ask him to move out, however. But I agree with the other poster that it is best to have a plan - get legal advice from a solicitor first.
Neverknowinglyunderbold · 12/03/2023 21:39
determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 21:42
It's not made up, you can do it with your own phone. A private detective told me exactly how to do it several years ago. I was working for her in another capacity, not asking for myself.
determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 21:43
Now that you have made the decision to get rid of him, do it in your own time. Get legal advice, sort out finances and tell him when you are good and ready.
Hopelessromatic · 12/03/2023 21:46
Neverknowinglyunderbold .It's not made up . It can actually record for 65 hrs and it's voice activated and took it out every day to listen to it . It was quite expensive
Neverknowinglyunderbold · 12/03/2023 21:46
PremiumB · 12/03/2023 21:51
This is awful OP. I am so sorry you’ve had this shock and hope you get lots of support here, it must be so hard. What a level of betrayal.
determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 21:52
Okay, so the private detective said to me that you should do this if you want to record your husband in a situation like this.
Buy another phone. Charge it up. Set it up so that it automatically answers after a few rings. Put it on silent and put it somewhere under the car seat, face down. When your husband is out, phone the number, withholding your own number. The spare phone will automatically answer and you will hear whatever is happening in the car. Of course, if you speak, he would hear you. If you don't hear anything, just try again but always keep your number withheld.
Neverknowinglyunderbold · 12/03/2023 21:55
determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 21:52
Okay, so the private detective said to me that you should do this if you want to record your husband in a situation like this.
Buy another phone. Charge it up. Set it up so that it automatically answers after a few rings. Put it on silent and put it somewhere under the car seat, face down. When your husband is out, phone the number, withholding your own number. The spare phone will automatically answer and you will hear whatever is happening in the car. Of course, if you speak, he would hear you. If you don't hear anything, just try again but always keep your number withheld.
But that is not what the OP described.
Besides, is it legal that do this?
The OP was concerned about WhatsApp and text messages. There surely are other ways to track messages than putting a recorder in the car on the chance that the OW would be in there with him.
Lysianthus · 12/03/2023 21:55
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Shall we just give OP the benefit of the doubt? If you think it's all made up then report her post.
OP I second others by saying you need legal advice. Although this has confirmed it, the recording itself is not really relevant other than to have proved to you that it was happening and I would only discuss it with the solicitor, and not with your soon to be ExH.
CornishTiger · 12/03/2023 21:56
Well it’s possibly illegal but it’s done now and @Hopelessromatic knows.
Tbh I’d not disclose it. Just divorce him. You are fully entitled to end a marriage if you want to. You know your reasons.
LabradorEyes · 12/03/2023 21:59
Do 50 year olds have sex in cars regularly? Where are they parked? I thought that was reserved for teenagers!
Sorry to hear that, OP. Make plans to leave him. It was clearly a mistake to take him back after the first time
GeorgeA12 · 12/03/2023 22:00
Sorry to hear what has happened to you, not nice at all. I know you have been with him a long time so won't be easy but just keep going and look after yourself. Have a plan as others have said. I was in a similar situation and although very tough much happier now.
JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 22:00
PMAmostofthetime · 12/03/2023 21:26
So sorry so hear this @Hopelessromatic
Just tell him, you know he's been meeting up with ( insert name) while you have been working nights and you want him to leave it's over. Your worth more than this and he's blown his second chance. Mid you think he won't go wait until he's at work.
Change the locks and then send the message.
You are worth more than this, he's lucky that he got a second and a third chance if you count the time before Christmas.
I hope your ok.
Sounds good in principle but she can't legally lock him put of his own housr
Nowhereelsetogo90 · 12/03/2023 22:04
50 is nothing! You could live another 30-40 years and you will enjoy every one of them without this arsehole weighing you down! Get a decent solicitor and get him gone!
Nowhereelsetogo90 · 12/03/2023 22:06
And for the doubters, these devices 100% exist. When my abusive relationship ended, I discovered my house was full of them. Down back of cabinets etc, to catch me cheating. Which I wasn’t. 🤷🏻♀️
Justforlaffs · 12/03/2023 22:07
Oh for fucks sake with all the "is it legal" shite.
Her husband was FUCKING ANOTHER WOMAN behind her back and she wanted proof.
What do you think he's going to do - have her arrested for recording him shagging his mistress?🤣 Why are people such pedants on here?
And yes, voice-activated recorders can be bought easily and cheaply online.
Mirabai · 12/03/2023 22:09
Voice-activated recording is hardly cutting edge tech, been around for years. If people need info Google rather than asking endless questions on here.
determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 22:11
I think the private detective was recommending the phone calls rather that a voice recorder, purely because of the legality of it. There's nothing illegal about calling a number.
XVII · 12/03/2023 22:14
send him a copy of the recordings and see a solicitor
and Never, stuff like this has been around for decades, in fact long before things like Ipones even existed. Your not very in touch with the 21st century are you?
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