Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I am leaving!
28

Papiercut · 03/08/2022 16:29

After a horrendous few years (I have posted lots on previous names) I am leaving an abusive relationship next week and moving to my mums

i have support from an IDVA, seeing police on Friday as it went to MARAC and they’re going to support me, seeing solicitor tomorrow.

im so scared and sad I will be leaving my lovely house. Not going to be able to take a lot of my things but these are just material possessions I can replace them in time

I can’t believe in a weeks time I’ll be free and building a happy and safe life for my children

trying to keep positive but very worried

ill be ok won’t I?

not sure why I’m posting this really but wanted to tell someone- has anyone got any advice or been in a similar situation?

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

YoSofi · 03/08/2022 16:58

Oh OP, I promise it will be ok x

You are doing the right thing for you and your children and there is a much happier life for you on the other side.

Sending you love and strength Flowers

Please
or
to access all these features

courtrai · 03/08/2022 17:02

Houses, possessions and 'stuff' can all be replaced. A life wasted in a shit relationship cannot. Well done on making a break xxx

Please
or
to access all these features

NotReallySure · 03/08/2022 17:27

You will be so much happier in the long run. Stay strong, you are doing something amazing and your future awaits x

Please
or
to access all these features

JorisBonson · 03/08/2022 17:29

It WILL be ok x

Please
or
to access all these features

Papiercut · 03/08/2022 19:55

Thank you

I post on MN every few months querying is this abuse…how do I leave…alcoholic husband questions and I am SO pleased to be leaving all this behind me!

I know it’s going to be hard and a really shit few months but there’s light in the tunnel

I’m going to get my hair done without being guilted, not panic bevause I’m 5 minutes late home for work, not dread when I hear ice in the glass. It’s a new start for me

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Wasywasydoodah · 03/08/2022 20:30

That’s awesome! There definitely will be hard times ahead. If you have a wobble then reach out to your IDVA or other support people and keep your eyes fixed on where you’re going. One step at a time and you’ll get sorted again. Amazing!

Please
or
to access all these features

Maytodecember · 03/08/2022 22:31

I started again after I left alcoholic husband. Is yours still in the house? Does he know your plans? Just stay safe until you can go, I was terrified he’d somehow find I’d got another job, rented a flat ( 100s miles away) That last week was nerve wracking. But when you drive off….. it feels bloody amazing. I can still remember, all these years later, stopping for petrol on the motorway and thinking I’m free, new life here I come.
Stay safe —- you’ll be fine. I left with just the car stacked up but had no regrets at all.

Please
or
to access all these features

CuntyMcBollocks · 04/08/2022 01:02

Thats brilliant OP! Sending you lots of luck and best wishes to you and your children. As PP has said, please be extra careful until you leave. Everything will be ok ... you're doing the right thing. 💐

Please
or
to access all these features

Bunty55 · 04/08/2022 01:30

Never mind your house. Your children will have better lives from now on and the house will become a memory of your old life. I have been in a similar position and do not regret getting rid of my horrible husband even though we struggled for a while it was nothing compared to the mean way he made us live.
Good luck

Please
or
to access all these features

Onthemaintrunkline · 04/08/2022 05:49

Wishing you all the luck in the world. Keep strong, keep focused and when doubts creep in, remember/don’t forget why you’ve chosen this path.

Please
or
to access all these features

NiceTwin · 04/08/2022 07:41

Good for you for making the move and leaving.

I'm sure there will be sadness at times but ultimately things will be better.

Please
or
to access all these features

watermelonlipbalm · 04/08/2022 07:53

I'm so excited for you op!
You will leave and the air will instantly feel clearer!!!

Please
or
to access all these features

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 04/08/2022 07:54

courtrai · 03/08/2022 17:02

Houses, possessions and 'stuff' can all be replaced. A life wasted in a shit relationship cannot. Well done on making a break xxx

This. And MaytoDecember’s comment, how wonderful it will feel when you and DC are free. Best of luck to you all. Xx

Please
or
to access all these features

Watchkeys · 04/08/2022 08:58

Make the crux of your new start to be 'Respect my own feelings'. All the questioning you've done 'Am I wrong? Is it abuse? Am I just being oversensitive?' etc all goes out the window when you replace it with the one big question that will give you a healthy life: Does this make me happy?

Use it looking back too, to avoid any questioning of yourself or whether you've done the 'right' thing.

Use it in making decisions to set up your new life. Your happiness is the only thing that matters. Your kids' happiness will naturally be a part of your happiness; that's what your love for them means. So focus on happy, not 'right'. After all, if something makes you unhappy, but nobody has done anything wrong, what difference does 'right' make?

Please
or
to access all these features

Justcallmebebes · 04/08/2022 09:11

Good luck OP. It does get better, honest

Please
or
to access all these features

billy1966 · 04/08/2022 11:37

The very best of luck OP.

You are doing a wonderful thing for your children.

Remember to take all photos and precious bits.

Those things that are irreplaceable.
Doing a clear out for the charity shop can be a great way to get things organised to leave quickly.

Have strong garden bags to fill quickly hidden away.

Please
or
to access all these features

WorriedWoking · 04/08/2022 16:00

I’m almost at the same point with my abusive husband so I wish you and your children all the luck in the world. I’m sure things will improve for you all, even if it’s not completely plain sailing to begin with. Take care and onwards and upwards 👍🏻

Please
or
to access all these features

SnoozingHippo · 04/08/2022 18:03

OP I am incredibly proud of you. I'm sorry if that sounds patronising, but my heart lifted when I read your post. I'm a family solicitor and have specialised in DV, and sometimes I want just to give my clients a big hug or simply shake them, but I know it's easy for me to simply say 'leave him.'

I am so pleased you have support from the specialist agencies. If you need legal support reach out to your local solicitor.

This is your new beginning now, and enjoy every second of it.

Please
or
to access all these features

brighterdaze · 04/08/2022 22:51

Well done OP! My abusive ex and I separated not long ago. It was scary and he was very angry. He still makes things difficult as we share childcare arrangements. I also have a IDVA who is super supportive.

Being able to return to home and not feel fear means everything. I finally have some peace. I can read a book, listen to music, watch a film or cook! I don't tiptoe around anymore.

He continues to give me grief but it's not every day now. I have moments of sadness when I think of all that has happened. But I mainly feel hope and also happiness!

It's absolutely the right thing to do. No-one deserves to be abused. You've got this!

@WorriedWoking I really hope you'll be able to get there too. It took me a while to realise that things were unlikely to change. Stay strong.

Please
or
to access all these features

smine1 · 04/08/2022 23:25

I felt a sense of pride reading your post it took me back to where I once was.

I did it , I left with my two children and dog in tow.. with a carrier bag.

Yes it was scary, I thought can I manage without him... I was hounded by emails and texts.. I was told I will soon realise I made the biggest mistake of my life and that of the childrens ...

First few weeks were a blur. I went for an occupation order and 6months later we were able to return to the house that we started to make our home.

No more living on egg shells , no more having that belly churn when I heard the sound of the beer can being opened, hearing the key go in the lock, the pulling in a side road to give me more time to go home after a shift.

The best thing was my dd saying to me 'it's a happy house now'

So , sending you strength and good vibes , you 'got this' small steps straight line and don't look back xx

Please
or
to access all these features

feelingfree17 · 05/08/2022 09:14

Just wanted to say how amazing you are. You and your children will have “their happy home” soon. You WILL be ok.
Here’s to your new happy life x

Please
or
to access all these features

Papiercut · 06/08/2022 09:43

Thanks all
Keep losing my confidence but I know I HAVE to do this as if not now never

really worried about him taking the children though but think I have to trust the courts as hard as it is to. He drinks 500ml minimum of spirits a night surely he can’t have the children over night what if they woke up poorly or something.

will miss my house. I was walking around the bedroom that I so lovingly decorated for my first baby, I remember how proud I was of it. And my eldest child superhero room he wa so excited to get. I’ll never forget his face when he saw his curtains as silly as it sounds
but trying to tell myself these things don’t matter really- it’s just hard because I know it does matter to my child who was so happy to have a bed with a slide

seeing police on Monday not sure how that’ll go

wish I didn’t have to leave all my clothes etc but there’s no safe way to take them. I have some lovely bits but I’m sure in the future I’ll get more. Perhaps he’ll let me have my belongings in the future but doubt it massively

I wish he’d just die it would be so much easier and the children would never know the person they love is in fact nasty because he will reveal himself one day to them I’m sure and they’ll live with that disappointment forever

just some thoughts I’m having. Trying to stay positive though it’s just hard

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

quietlycontent · 06/08/2022 10:24

You are being really brave, could you maybe pack a few special clothes this week and leave them with a friend?

Please
or
to access all these features

Papiercut · 06/08/2022 10:31

I might do. Just not sure where to begin. It’s not even like they’re expensive clothes or particularly precious it’s just the point isn’t it

he can be really observant though- I had a clear out and he was questioning why for ages

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

CanYouNotReadTheSign · 06/08/2022 10:51

Wishing you all the happiness and good luck in the world! I've been there and it does get better and your children will thrive.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.