People pleaser - please help me

woodenforest · 2022-06-15 23:23:14

I really would like any tips, recommendations, your experiences as a PP or even dealing with someone who is a people pleaser (and what it’s like) or anything. I live everyday worrying about what others think, I even am scared to post on social media because I’m scared of judgment and I feel like everyday I’ve done something wrong and feel guilty. I know why I feel this way and where it comes from (trauma) but after years of therapy and speaking about the why and when, I need to put it into practice and start to live my life fully and not on autopilot.

notlongtoo · 28/06/2022 09:48

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Justtryingtobehelpful · 28/06/2022 09:33

Remember that people will push back against you constantly every time that you tried to do things for yourself. Every time that you tried to put the boundary in. Every time that you try to stick to what you know you need to do for yourself or you want to do for yourself.

You will be tested constantly by the people around. They already know that you don't stick to your word so they're going to hear check and see if you really mean it.

One of my most disappointing realizations was that the people that I thought would support me in trying to do this didn't support me. In actual facts they tested me to see if the could get me to go back on my word. I been the polite people played at that I was capitulated to them and their request.

Later I overheard them we counting the story and I realise they had done it on purpose and they were laughing about the fact that they 'got' me to do that.

It made me so immensely angry. Angry at myself for not asking some questions and checking that's what I had thought in my head was true instead of just assuming and trying to do the best I could for that person.

It was incredibly disappointed in that person because I thought they were somebody that I could trust and rely upon. To hear them speak so dismissively I what I was trying to do in setting up boundary was incredibly hurtful.

Get it remind me of the comment above it said you need to get fed up as in you need to get mad you need to get angry and you need to be 100-percent firm in certain that back injury and guarding it and maintaining it and sticking to it. Basically Peter assholes and they're going to check and prod and test you.

You will get angry and that is good you need to find your anger and use it to protect yourself at all costs. Did the something that everyone else is an a and nobody has your back and the only person he's going to look after you is actually you!

More books:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Invisible Women
Why Women Are Blamed For Everything?
Rage Becomes Her
The Dance of Anger
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (great book)

These are not books specifically about setting boundaries. They are about how female conditioning happens in the world. If you start to become more aware of that you will be better prepared to to observe how and why you're reacting in certain ways with others. You will start to be able to analyse why people make assumptions about what you're going to do for them. They are expecting you to react like a woman and do whatever it is that you need to do to Sacrifice in order to make their lives easier.

When you get behind your anger at all these things you will be able to be more cold hearted and analytical about it and stop in the moment and think no F you are not going to do that.

Maybe give yourself 6-months of reading and watching for moments where you kick yourself after words when you realise what happened.

Then give yourself another 3 to 6-months where you try to notice it in the moment and deal with it. But if you don't know this in the moment give yourself permission to go back and deal with it as quickly as possible afterwards. Remember each of these horrible experiences is a learning moment. It is better to be angry about it afterwards when you realise then to just continue on not realising why you're so angry.

You're angry because somebody has pressed against and stepped on your boundary and eroded into your personal space whether emotionally, physically, psychologically. The anger will be immense at the beginning because you've repressed it for so long but it will get better the more that you take active steps to deal with all the shit that is coming up.

Then after a year you're aiming to have a year of dealing with this nonsense as it arises that is your aim. You've got 12 months to do with this so every time that you take one tiny little small step towards it fantastic!

As he keeps talking about in the when I say no book start with people who are customer service who are in the outside of your life and you don't have any emotional ties with. They are much easier to not be emotionally triggered by when you're stating a boundary and sticking to it. That because also fabulous because it gives you very specific things that you can say in difficult situations in order to to not have somebody force you to do what they want to do. He's literally the guy that the term broken record came from. When you refuse to be b&b directed away from what you want because you just keep saying the same thing back to the other person about what it is that you want.

This is the response I actually wanted to give you previously but I don't have the time to sit down and type it all out for you. I am in the beginning to middle way of the final phase where I'm starting to deal with stuff in the moment. Been a long difficult journey. I hope you all the best.

If you can find some people around you who are like this straight up no b* takers then model yourself on them at the beginning as in that is the type of person that you want to be. Good have that aspiration. You will eventually find your own style of saying no to people.

The words of Karen Davis, a definite role model on YouTube, 'Stay strong, ladies!!!!!!' 💯😁👍

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People pleaser - please help me