This is my life in my 30s, it’s not normal is it?

[Tyiipp]

How do I change?

Wake up, login from bed after not sleeping most of the night/waking up regularly

Work from bed all day, try and eat healthily with some fruit and veg but skip breakfast.

Sometimes drive to the shop at lunch.

House is a mess as nobody sees it.

Weekend I go to meet friends if any are free. I’m often known to stay in bed all day if nobody is free.

Some nights I go to yoga.

I feel like I’m already dead. I hate my life. When in relationships I’m so much more engaged with life, house proud, energetic. I feel awful.

[AngelinaFibres]

I watched a set of videos recently about dealing with depression One of the the methods being suggested was to do something every day that a non depressed person would do. The young woman making the videos chose a different thing to do each day. Things like doing the washing up, drying it all and putting it away. A depressed person would just bung more and more dirty stuff in the sink until it became too huge to deal with. A non depressed person will deal with it as they go along. Same applied to gardening, sorting the bins out ,whatever. She really found it helpful .Perhaps for you it's getting up,making the bed and having a shower. You are not a depressed person you are a person who is ready to take on the day.

[LunaTheCat]

You sound very depressed if you are not even showering.
You need to make an appointment with your GP initially.
Write a plan down for the day. - even just one to two things to make you feel good - a 10 minute walk or reading besides a candle.
Make a shower or bath a rice ritual - some nice soap and body moisturise.
Ring a friend or neighbour - let someone in your life know what is happening to you.
Xx

[CSJobseeker]

I think getting showered and dressed in the morning is really important. It wakes you up, makes you feel ready for the world, even if you're not going outside.

How about step 1 - shower, dress and go to work somewhere other than your bed. Any table or surface would do, but not bed. Try to maintain that for a week before thinking about your next step.

[EarthSight]

@Tyiipp

I don’t know how to get routine anymore. I feel like my life is lost *@Fidgety31* where do I start? I don’t have to go into work and I literally lie in my night clothes all day. Some days I have a quick rinse and don’t even wash as I don’t see anyone. I’m so miserable

It seems like you're one of the people who needs external motivation - not a good type to either be jobless or working from home.

My advice would be to volunteer, especially something to do with helping other people. So doing vulnerable people's shopping, soup kitchens, that sort if thing. Somewhere you will feel obligated to go back.

[FrazzledY9Parent]

"If your job doesn't involve weekends why not spend this weekend sorting your home out. Change the sheets, clear up stuff thst isn't where it should be ,set up a work space and shop for nice food. Set Monday as the day your new life starts." Lovely idea @AngelinaFibres

[Porfre]

You need s reason to get out of bed everyday.

I know without my job and kids I'd probably be the same too.


Rather than having a kid. Do you think youd be able to take care of a dog?

It would need regular walks outside and would get you more active, but only do this if you think you would be able to care for a dog properly.

[AngelinaFibres]

My daughter in law is training for a half marathon because she works from home and wanted a goal to make her get up and out and get moving. She didn't feel comfortable about running at night so she sets her alarm for when daylight is just coming and goes for a 5 km run around Cardiff Bay. On beautiful ,mornings she stops and breathes and takes in the view. She often sends us a photo. They are very uplifting. She says the start to her day makes her feel amazing and sets her up for the rest of the day. She isn't an athlete she just likes how it makes her feel. If you didn't fancy running could you get up ,put on some joggers and a coat and go out for a walk to get you heart rate up and your blood pumping. Come home , shower, put on work type clothes , eat something healthy. I bet you would feel fantastic.
If your job doesn't involve weekends why not spend this weekend sorting your home out. Change the sheets, clear up stuff thst isn't where it should be ,set up a work space and shop for nice food. Set Monday as the day your new life starts.

[FrazzledY9Parent]

Ah, OP, you poor thing! You sound really down. I also found that I really lost motivation and my sense of myself working from home. I don't think most of us are designed to be on our own on a screen with no human connection all day. Luckily I am back in the office 2-3 days a week now and I feel loads better. (Appreciate this may not be an option for you.)

If you are feeling overwhelmed by all the suggestions of things to do, there is a book called Tiny Habits that you might find useful.

I also agree that having a chat to your GP would be good . And do you have a friend you can confide in? When I was feeling low during the pandemic and shared it with a friend I felt so much better.

Sending you a big hug and reassurance that this will pass and life will feel so much better again.

[RobotValkyrie]

Find what really keeps you alive.

For me when I had PND (and lost my job and lived away from all my friends and family), that was:

• going for a walk just for the sake of it, look at the trees, listen to the birds, look at the sky, let your brain go through whatever thoughts may pop up, and come back home, oddly refreshed
• listening to music and songs that resonate with my mood, no matter how gloomy or angry or bored, and sing your heart out and dance along, letting it all rip till you're done

After a while I started feeling like myself again, I was able to actually have goals, make plans, etc.

May work for you, or maybe something else (e.g. watching Bob Ross joy of painting and having a go at it yourself, doing Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube, etc.). But something that gets your body moving (and your heart feeling) is preferable. Don't try and fix your mood. Better practice mindfulness: dive in and accept how you really feel, then move on.

On the other hand, if an activity generates toxic "circular thoughts" or repetitive behaviours, try and avoid it (for instance, "doom scrolling", i.e. spending way too much time checking the news, or constantly refreshing social media, etc.)

[AliceAldridge]

I have been a bit like you at times and a routine helps, but it doesn't have to be a get up at 6am one. Just a get up and get dressed one helps. I set my radio alarm for 7.30 and get up around 8 to get coffee. Clean clothes help you get dressed. Do a washing load every other day. Don't work from bed. Only work between certain hours. Get out for a half hour walk every day. Try to organise a mid week social thing (coffee) too. Getting things ticked off your list at home as well as work will make you feel good. If you actually like being at home, take up a hobby from home. Follow people on SM who inspire you.

You can do it OP! Life isn't over just because you WFH and are single.

[User17273637373]

I can see myself this time last year in your post (I’m 29).

So I decided fo make a real effort to not let it carry on. I’m realistic in that I push myself but also accept there will be bad days. I would only say I work from bed maximum once a month if I’m feeling tired/down etc.

Here is my routine, which may help you if you wanted to follow a similar one:

6-7am - wake up and shower, make bed, skin care, perfume. If I’m up a bit earlier, I will potter around/put a wash on etc.
7:30 - empty dishwasher from the night before. Might pop the hoover around my flat after. Just general tidying so the flat is really clean and organised before I start my working day. This puts me in a much better headspace!
9 - start work
10- breakfast
12-1 - break for lunch (if I can). Take a walk in the daylight, I find excuses to go out now. So for example I don’t do everything in one day - I will pick up milk one day, go to the pharmacy the next.
5:30 - finish work. Put a nice healthy dinner on. Might need to carry on working but I feel like putting dinner on early means I will eat something healthy rather than leaving it late and eating something quick (pizza etc).
7- clean up and fill dishwasher
8pm - recently started working out, yoga, stretching
9pm - skincare, candles and in bed with a movie or book

I know it sounds a bit boring but I think having some structure does help.

I spend a lot of time alone so I sympathise. I really feel like I’ve lost my spark recently, but building it back up slowly. I hope you feel better soon! Xx

[Hopefullywaiting01234]

I could have written this post! I have also been WFH since the pandemic and feel like there is days I have zero motivation. Some days I also work from bed, others the dining room, others my office depending on how motivated I feel.

I am not sure how you find it but my back and pelvis have been sore since I started WFH and I am sure it must be my posture when on the bed.

I have started to go into the office maybe 1/2 days per week and I feel better when I am in there - is this an option you have? X

[Sweetchocolatecandy]

*notecards?! Should be ‘more social contact’.

[Sweetchocolatecandy]

I agree with the above poster, I think what you really need is a) routine and b) human contact. I have worked from home since the pandemic and I have had to force myself to get into a routine by getting dressed, working at a desk etc. but there are still days I don’t leave the house and feel myself sliding into depression. I have actually opted to go back into the office after Christmas for a better routine and notecards social contact as I personally don’t think being in isolation constantly is healthy. Can you do something similar with your job or look for a job that’s office-based to enable you to get out of the house and see people?

[Musttryharder2021]

Other than a routine what I feel the Op needs is some actual regular human contact. Those who have partners/husbands/even children do not understand what it feels like to be deprived of a basic human touch/physical contact.

@Tyiipp

Do you live far from family??

[sjxoxo]

You absolutely need a routine!!
Set an alarm and get up.
Get a cup of tea/coffee, food, watch some news.
Have a wash and get dressed.
Work (not in bed!)
lunch / some fresh air
work (not in bed)
Dinner/activity

…Could you walk someone’s dog?? They provide an excellent routine; honestly without our pups I’d be terrible at having any structure if I wasn’t at work.

Also do sort your house out- for yourself. Take pride in it. Make it nice for yourself.
Start small- one room, and write a list of tasks; like
Wipe surfaces / dishwasher / vacuum / clean windows etc. Then tick these off one by one.

Pull yourself out of this rut, I think you’ll feel a thousand times better! And when you’re on your way, treat yourself- new hair, outfit, nice things for your home.

Xxxxx

[freeatlast2021]

I think that having a regular routine is most important. I know most of us think that in order to change our life for better we have to make a big difference, something substantial, very special, something amazing, but it is little things that make big difference.

I have been working from home too because of Covid and it seriously messed with my head. I love to dress up, make up, socialize and not being able to do it is hard. At the same time I was going through some really hard times personally and knew that I could easily slip into depression so I started doing literally everything I could think of to help my self stay sane.

I wake up at 6am, take a shower, wash my hair, meditate for 30 min, take my dog out for about 30 min, come back and make breakfast for my kids (sometimes myself, but I really cannot eat breakfast, so that is hard), work at the designated office area in my house. I even started reading bible ( i have never read it before in my life) each morning one page before mediation. I take yoga classes twice a week, I pray every night before going to bed and think of something I am grateful for, go for longer walks at least once over the weekend, try to see people at least once a week if not more...

Like I said what I think is most important is having a routine and doing it every day. I find that if I skip one thing it totally messes up the whole system. In your case, I think, most important thing to do right now is get out of the bed in the morning and perhaps take a shower. It really does help to start your day off on the right foot.

BTW 30's are the best. I do hope you learn to enjoy it. Good luck and take care OP.

[Geppili]

I'm feeling like you, Op. i feel like a dead woman walking. I know I am depressed. I take medication. That is probably the only daily self care act I do. I think you are really courageous to reach out. That is the answer: people. Keep talking and posting. I feel really isolated.

[ravenmum]

Every night put your laptop in the lounge. Then you have to get up.
I put my phone in the other room. It really does help!

[fumfspos]

You absolutely definitely need to be up and out of bed and work somewhere else. Once your bedroom becomes associated with work it is then difficult to switch off in there so makes going to sleep more difficult making you more tired.

Tomorrow get up and work somewhere else. Others have suggested changing one thing at a time and I agree with that. But start with a new workplace. Doesn't matter where. Kitchen table. Lounge - on the couch if necessary. But not bed!!

Once you've had a few days in the new workplace start improving the morning routine - get up and get dressed. Teeth need to be cleaned - that's the number one thing that makes me feel better in the morning. Have a shower if you want. I prefer to shower in the evenings to get me warm and relaxed for bed.

Then start adding in things like a walk at lunchtime. Hot chocolate before bed. Maybe rearrange your bedroom to make it more relaxing for when you go to sleep.

Have 2 or 3 evening activities per week planned. That gives you something to look forward to and you have structure the week as well as the all important human contact.

And if these changes don't help, or if you really struggle to implement them, go to your GP to discuss this as it could be depression.

[royco]

Just get into some good habits.

Hardly as easy as that! Op sounds depressed

[Tyiipp]

Wow I’m taken aback by all the posts thank you so much. I’m going to read each one carefully. Thank you thank you

[VeganCheesePlease]

OP I would go see your doctor first. Is there maybe depression here? Or a physical issue? I'd rule that out.
For WFH- I did it for a while and I would say you absolutely need more of a routine. Even get up and spend the time you would have spent commuting going for a walk. Prepare healthy meals, and change it up. Soup is nice but if you're having the same thing every day its going to get boring!
Don't work from bed. Make a work space away from your bed. Even if it's the kitchen table. Working in your bed gives you zero separation from work and home which isn't good for your mental health or stress levels.
Are you getting out and about? Even a weekly coffee or zoom call with friends could really help.
Really hope things get better soon OP

[InFiveMins]

Hi OP, if it's any consolation, I'm pretty similar. I'm not single which is the only difference! And I don't think not being single really makes a difference to be honest. I think work sometimes takes over and becomes my sole focus and everything else just fades into the background. I find it really hard to organise myself and get a routine - I constantly think next week I'll make plans to do after work or in my lunch break but I very rarely do them.

I always find I feel better if I get up and do stuff but it's finding the motivation to do it.

Could you be depressed? Im prone to depression - sometimes I can accept life the way it is, other times I feel so miserable because of it and how mundane my life is.

[ravenmum]

Why can she do it and not you?
Maybe she's not depressed like OP appears to be?

Tyiipp, speak to a doctor and see what they think. Maybe you need some help.