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Only been married 4 months and I think it's over!
138

MissSparkle47 · 02/12/2021 12:43

Advice needed please-
I will try to keep it short, I am feeling very stupid and embarrassed. I have been with my partner for 9 years, he doesn't really get on with my daughters aged 18 (Uni) and 20.(own house with boyfriend) Some of it is justified as they have been rude to him in the past but they have also been nice to him. They have caused me a lot of upset in the past also. We live apart as I have a flat with my job and he has a house and his 15 year old lives with him week on and week off. We sold my house last year to buy some land to build our own house (hasn't started yet) we go between his and mine. My older daughter has recently announced she is pregnant (not ideal but what can I do) the hate towards my girls seems to be getting worse and worse, he would rather I have nothing to do with them. He has now announced that when we build 'our house' my children nor grandchildren will be welcome. What on earth do I do....there is no way I could ever accept that. It is not up for negotiation apparently.. so really what choice do I have??

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thisishardwork1 · 02/12/2021 14:38

I've read your other thread I was say run as fast as you can....

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FreeBritnee · 02/12/2021 14:37

Woah!! That’s such an extreme reaction for him I’m honestly wondering if he had some ulterior motive for marrying you. Tell me you’ve protected yourself financially somehow.

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LittleMissTake · 02/12/2021 14:34

You need urgent legal advice if you’re leaving him.

You can’t start them divorce process until you have been married for a year.

Although you have only been married 4 months, in calculating a financial settlement the courts are likely to add your nine year pre marital relationship to the length of your marriage. You are therefore looking at a ‘not short’ marriage with a starting point of 50/50 division of all assets not legally protected.

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Overtime2019 · 02/12/2021 14:32

It’s easy you show him the door and start divorce easy no one would ever tell me that my kids aren’t welcome in my home

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Beautiful3 · 02/12/2021 14:20

Thats awful. He shouldn't be saying that. You'd have to separate and buy your own place ASAP, before you get priced out the market. House prices have risen 15 percent over the past 6 months.

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WB205020 · 02/12/2021 14:20

At first it would seem logical to say leave him but you say in your OP that your daughters have caused problems for you in the past and havent been nice to him.

What is the back story......has there been issues where he is simply defending you because they cause problems or things to that nature, or is it simply a case there has been issues in the past but all is good now however he just doesnt like them?

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Constellationstation · 02/12/2021 14:14

Bloody hell, just read the post you wrote in March and you married him after that Shock You need to leave as soon as possible.

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jay55 · 02/12/2021 14:03

You need legal advice to get a separation agreement and protect your money in the upcoming months before you can get divorced, because you have to have been married a year.

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Tonimacaroni80 · 02/12/2021 13:57

Leave

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Bluebubbletrouble · 02/12/2021 13:56

Having read your other thread I can't believe you married him Confused

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WaterBottle123 · 02/12/2021 13:47

Leave him, immediately

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RaisedByPangolins · 02/12/2021 13:41

From the other side of this equation - has he actually said that your DDs are not welcome to visit at all? Or has he said they’re not moving in, wholesale, grandkids and all?

Because my DP likes to make out I want to banish his DC from our future home, whereas what I’ve actually said is that I wouldn’t want other people (his kids OR mine!) there all the time, I’d prefer a bit of notice and I’d prefer it if people could also gather elsewhere sometimes. He thinks that’s cold and mean, but to me as an introvert, the idea of having all of our kids (5) plus partners and kids there every Sunday for lunch sounds like hell!

I too have hung on for 9 years, living separately with the promise of a life together at a later date, but when we talk of the future all he thinks about is how his kids fit into that, whereas to me, I imagine our DCs will all have their own lives and we will finally be able to concentrate on being a couple instead of being parents first and a couple second.

Just putting it out there, as he may just be unpleasant, but you know him after all these years and you know how rude your DDs have been to him too, so if you were him, taking yourself and your loyalty to your dc out of the equation, would you happily open your arms and your home to these young women? Or would it take a little bit of work to get to a point where you felt like you wanted to spend time with them in your own space? Nobody should be forced to spend time IN THEIR OWN HOME with people who are rude and unpleasant, no matter who they’re related to.

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MarshmallowSwede · 02/12/2021 13:41

I wouldn’t stay with a man who tells me my children and get grandchildren aren’t welcome in my home.

Unless your children and grandchildren were serial killers or radioactive .. then there is no reason why they are not allowed to come to your home.

This is unacceptable. If he can’t accept your children then this is not going to be a marriage that you can salvage. If you even want to.

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Bells3032 · 02/12/2021 13:34

I am not really a jump to leave him person but when someone shows you who they are then believe them. He's making you chose between your kids and him (I am assuming the same rule doesn't apply to his children). and apparently has all the say on who is and is not allowed in a house you both own. he's shown you who he is. LTB

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Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 02/12/2021 13:27

God I hope you've kept the land in your name or ring-fenced your investment.

That's outrageous. Where's his dd going to live? I assume he's ok to see her. What a total shit!!

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Monr0e · 02/12/2021 13:26

So your daughters were 9 and 11 when you got together? How long has he visibly disliked them for?

You act like an innocent bystander with no agency, yet you chose to marry a man who in your words, hates your daughters. You need to fix this quick before you lose them, and all your future grandchildren forever.

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GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 02/12/2021 13:26

I presume he's kept his house in his name and the land is in yours? Sell the land and buy yourself a house.

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Chocaholic9 · 02/12/2021 13:23

You have no choice but to leave.

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impossible · 02/12/2021 13:23

Leave him and call it a day. Immediately. There really is no other way forward and if he is trying to deny you access to your dcs four months in things will certainly get worse. See a solicitor asap so your finances are as little entangled as possible.

Don't let embarrassment stop you. This is the point at which you take control of your life and build up your self esteem. Divorcing him can be the first step.

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Momijin · 02/12/2021 13:19

That's crazy! I wonder what he would say if you said that about his child. Anyway, the answer is easy in this case. Leave him.

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Cheerbear24 · 02/12/2021 13:18

Plan to leave him. See a solicitor ASAP about the land purchase and explore how you can back out of it. I’ve seen your other posts and honestly don’t walk away from him run. Why did you marry him?!!

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LublinToDublin · 02/12/2021 13:06

End the marriage and leave the relationship.

You say we sold my house to buy some land which is telling. It was your house. Did he contribute to the land purchase? Is it in joint names?

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Coviddy · 02/12/2021 13:05

I'm really interested - WHY would you marry in these circumstances?!

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/12/2021 13:03

no idea why you married him but hey get out now- no shame, things dont work out

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Vallmo47 · 02/12/2021 13:02

Your replies are very blunt OP but I would have to agree that your children should come first and that he’s showing his true colours. I’m sorry that’s not nice to hear. Look after yourself.

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