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Only been married 4 months and I think it's over!
138

MissSparkle47 · 02/12/2021 12:43

Advice needed please-
I will try to keep it short, I am feeling very stupid and embarrassed. I have been with my partner for 9 years, he doesn't really get on with my daughters aged 18 (Uni) and 20.(own house with boyfriend) Some of it is justified as they have been rude to him in the past but they have also been nice to him. They have caused me a lot of upset in the past also. We live apart as I have a flat with my job and he has a house and his 15 year old lives with him week on and week off. We sold my house last year to buy some land to build our own house (hasn't started yet) we go between his and mine. My older daughter has recently announced she is pregnant (not ideal but what can I do) the hate towards my girls seems to be getting worse and worse, he would rather I have nothing to do with them. He has now announced that when we build 'our house' my children nor grandchildren will be welcome. What on earth do I do....there is no way I could ever accept that. It is not up for negotiation apparently.. so really what choice do I have??

OP's posts:
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MrsSkylerWhite · 02/12/2021 21:22

You lost me at your elder daughter and her boyfriend expecting a child as “not being ideal”.

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feelingfree17 · 02/12/2021 21:20

What on earth do I do?
Surely you know the answer to that
Get him gone

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AnyFucker · 02/12/2021 21:19

You can take a horse to water…..

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Pixiedust138 · 02/12/2021 21:12

You'll find someone else, yours daughters and grandchildren you can't replace

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freeatlast2021 · 02/12/2021 21:08

I am surprised you are asking this question OP. I would let nobody, and I mean NOBODY come between me and my kids. EVER.

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Justcallmebebes · 02/12/2021 17:58

By marrying him you have sent a very clear message to your children that his needs and wants come before theirs

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Alfixn · 02/12/2021 17:40

OP, having read all of your posts it's clear he is a controlling and abusive man. He has separated you from your own children and even from your dogs. Abusers often do this to their victims.

People are being a bit harsh here, asking why you married him etc, but I know it's not always easy for women to leave their abusers.

I hope you find the help and the strength you need to get away from him as soon as possible. Abusers often ramp up their controlling tendencies after marriage as they believe they have you trapped.

He is not a good person and he will make your life worse and eventually seperate you from everybody you love. Please try to find the strength to leave before that happens.

Hugs to you X

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NowEvenBetter · 02/12/2021 17:29

Why not at least attempt to make one good choice? You’ve put this bloke before your kids for years and think they’ll want a relationship with you?
The only advice you need is from a solicitor about divorcing your embarrassing choice of male.

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DismantledKing · 02/12/2021 17:29

Awaiting another similar thread in 3 months time saying exactly the same thing.

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MintJulia · 02/12/2021 17:26

Your house isn't built yet and he's already telling you you can't have your family there.

Dump him immediately. He's a nasty controlling arse who clearly doesn't care if you are happy, and is not worth the bother.
Get rid.

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OtherPlans · 02/12/2021 17:22

Oh I remember you. Can't believe you married him! It's never too late to turn things around. Will you?

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BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 17:13

OP, when you posted 4 months ago, before marrying this 'man'

Same when it was posted 8 months ago.

What’s it going to take OP?

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Sausagedogsarethebest · 02/12/2021 16:03

OP, when you posted 4 months ago, before marrying this 'man', everyone was telling you he was vile, abusive, coercive, and to get away from him as soon as possible. Shocked to read that you married him. If it's been 4 months then you must have married him very soon after that last post which is unfathomable. There's no point asking for advice here if you don't want to hear it or just ignore it. This guy sounds awful and I can't work out why you stayed with him.

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fumfspos · 02/12/2021 15:53

Oh OP why oh why did you marry him?
The land purchase rang a bell as I commented on a previous thread about this - and sure enough it was you posting back in March.
Your now husband was controlling and extremely unpleasant back then. There were issues with your daughters and him and the financial situation regarding the purchase of the land and who was contributing what was also unclear.
I and several other posters advised you to leave him.
But you've married him.

I am so sorry that you went ahead and married him, perhaps in the hope that things would be better, and that it has turned out like this.
You must know now that this cannot continue. You cannot have him forbidding your children and grandchild from coming to the house you are going to build.

Please, get to a solicitor, sort out the financial mess and divorce him before it gets any worse.

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VodselForDinner · 02/12/2021 15:45

Those poor children. I can’t fathom what you were doing having a man like that in their lives for nine years.

My advice would be to ensure that the money from the house sale is in your pawn personal account and then start divorce proceedings ASAP. The shorter the marriage, the better.

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Bookworm20 · 02/12/2021 15:27

Unless there is some huge massive backstory where your daughters have been absolutely vile and horrendous towards him and his dc, obviously going way beyond the normal 'you're not may dad, can't tell me what to do' stuff, then you really do need to leave this man.
How can anyone dictate your dc are not welcome in your home?
Did he inform you of this before you got married? Or is he now laying down new ridiculous rules because he thinks he can!

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AgathaX · 02/12/2021 15:21

Leave him. Get your own life back and make a start on rebuilding a better relationship with your DC.

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Donebeingitchy · 02/12/2021 15:21

  • they dont like him not you

    The typos are there because im angry at you and for you op. Angry at you for keeping this ridiculous life consuming charade up and angry for you because he is a manipulative dick that is ruining you and your daughters lives
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Justcallmebebes · 02/12/2021 15:19

I commented on one of your last posts and you answered my question regarding whether the land was ring fenced to say it was totally in your name.

At this point he had made you get rid of your dogs, made it very difficult when you saw your son and barred your younger daughter from your shared house due to Covid although his own daughter came and went freely.

In your posts after that you were forced to move out due to his controlling behaviour, difficulty in seeing your family and constantly threatening to kick you out.

Now you have married him!

Please tell me the land is still solely in your own name? You have had so much advice to leave which you haven't done which is your prerogative, but I do hope you come back to say you're not entangled financially but now that you are married, he may now have a claim on that land.

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Donebeingitchy · 02/12/2021 15:19

JESUS OP.

Just read your previous threads, which one you literally titled controlling relationship

What the hell was you thinking going ahead with this marriahe?! That he would change???? Come on now surely you've read enough threads on here to know that if a person shows you who theu are sticking your head in the sand doesnt make it any less true!

This disgusting person of a husband has been trying to keep you from your daughters for a while now! No wonder why they dont like you. You are in no position to feel a type away about your daughters pregnancy when you are entertaining a controlling man willingly! How contradiciting of you! Your daughters have every right to destest this man and so should you. How can you let someone come in between you and your children and divide you.

And your previous thread said its also friends he doesnt want you seeing as well.

Please PLEASE do yourself a favour

For your daughters

For yourself

Leave the b*stard! Get out now. Get some counselling and work on yourself and rekindling with your poor children before its too late and they dont want to know you anymore

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Reeree5 · 02/12/2021 15:16

I don’t think staying with him is up for negotiation if he’s given you an ultimatum like that!

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billy1966 · 02/12/2021 15:09

I feel so sorry for your children.

What a childhood they must have had.

9 years of that AWFUL man in their lives.

Utterly shameful.

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AngryAtAssholes · 02/12/2021 14:56

OP I am sorry for the situation you have found yourself in but it’s clear from this and your other threads about this awful man, that the advice you want is for someone to justify staying with him.

Even if you abide by this rule about not having your kids in your own home, he won’t stop there. He will hector and bully and dictate til nothing is left of you except an obedient shell who does what he wants, when he wants.

Leave. Now. That’s the only advice you’ll get here worth listening to. It will be hard. But worth it.

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mug2018 · 02/12/2021 14:46

Setting aside the 'children must come first' stances, if you step back and see that sadly, he doesn't place your happiness & fault values anywhere in his priorities.
For someone to say that 'your family are not welcome in your home' will NEVER lead you to a happy place. I think you will forever feel resentment & sad and will walk on egg shells with this man.
Please leave him and find someone who values you, your family & all their differences in order to put your happiness at the forefront on your relationship
I feel for you, but my ExH was horrible about my family & for no good reason. It really does become intolerable 😔

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BornInAThunderstorm · 02/12/2021 14:41

Omg your other threads are worrying enough. Seek legal advice, get out. Fast

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