Feel awful. Lovely new man, concerned about his weight

Imalittletosspot · 2021-10-21 09:06:06

Hi all, I'm a long term poster but have name changed as this is not a very nice thread. Really sorry if it offends anyone. I have been dating for ages wanting a partner and kids, mid 30s. I've had several near misses where theres been some incompatibility such as distance or a big cultural gap, and countless dates with no spark plus a few ridiculously bad ones. I've just met a really great guy, he's incredibly clever, kind, accomplished, interesting, warm and sexy. We just get on brilliantly and have a real chemistry. He's really interested in me too. We've had a good number of dates and ended up back at his one night. All lovely. My one concern, there's no nice way to say this, is his weight. I would say he is considerably into the obese BMI range. I don't just mean he is a few stones over. He's active day to day but seems to have a lot of minor illnesses (I don't know whether it's connected to his weight but seems more than your average man his age). It affects the mechanics of sex. We had difficulty doing it and didn't in the end. That may be what made me realise this could be an issue, I think. This is absolutely nothing to do with attraction, I think he is gorgeous and I am absolutely not a fat-basher. I have had plenty of weight struggles of my own linked to medication and was a size 18-20 at one point. I still have some to lose. I just really want the MN wisdom on this. I obviously know you can't go into a relationship intending to change someone but I can see that his weight may be a risk factor in health problems in the future and I want wouldn't want my partner to be unwell if avoidable. I know he was fit and sporty in his younger days and has had some tough times lately so can see how he might have put on weight but I'm just not sure how it's come to be so much or whether he wants to lose it. I know how hard the topic of weight is so don't want to be a hypocrite, and definitely don't want to upset a lovely man, but it just seems like a potential problem for the future, with mobility as well. Not sure the exact question I'm asking but would I be doing him a disservice continuing with him if I have this on my mind? Can I approach this in any way without being an arse and hurting him? I don't want to hint about it. I'm honestly not looking for a gym honed type, been there and am actually more attracted to a naturally tall, stocky man which he would be anyway. It would just be ideal if he was a healthier weight as I have the long term in mind and I don't know if it's fair to keep seeing him with that in mind.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

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