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Preteens

How much sex ed for a 10 year old?

15 replies

fairyfingers · 05/02/2020 22:04

Dd1 is asking a lot of questions. I try to answer honestly and she is fine with periods, the breeding aspect of sex (for want of a better word - the biology maybe?).

She still thinks it's yuck so has been asking why people still do it when they don't want a baby so I've said because it feels nice and when she's older and more grown up she will understand that better.

She then asked how you can do it without having a baby because she'd heard of a few things. She knew vaguely about the pill and (oddly) had heard the idea of a vasectomy- I presume a friends dad had one! I asked if she'd heard of a condom as a, I thought she might have heard in the playground and b, if she's going to ask this is one to be aware of at the start of these kind of talks. Turns out she hadn't so I gave her a mega high level explanation with a comment about how as well as babies it is a way to pass bugs and germs on so it's good to look after yourself as much as you can.

I'm now totally worried I've been age inappropriate as she's only 10 and I think I've worried her about being a grown up. I wanted to be honest and open but not too quick as she's still a little girl. Overstepped the mark? She's normally a resilient and feisty little thing with a strong sense of self so odd to see her like this. Although the playground chat and insults are starting to get more grown up atm too.....

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AkikoWara · 25/04/2020 21:10

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hothothothot · 13/02/2020 07:07

@hotmom

Your daughter carries a condom at aged 8? Where does she even carry it? I think you should access some support for your daughter. An 8 year old confiding in you she is a virgin is really worrying, there shouldn't be a question of it.

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Giroscoper · 13/02/2020 06:25

Answer any questions your child has, it is like when they ask things like do whales have teeth or why are blackbirds actually brown (female bird only) etc. You just answer factually. Why do people have sex? Because it feels nice.

Toward the end of year 5 the video shown in school concentrates on hygiene mainly but talks about body changes. Year 6 talks more about body changes, why they happen and about sex but without really going into detail. As parents you should get an opportunity to view these before your child does. I liked it because I wanted to hear what language they used to describe stuff.

Both my sons had a book called Mummy Laid an Egg, and the Usborne book on puberty called "What's happening to me"

My sons are now 17 and 14. My only blanket rule is that I would not answer questions about myself or Dh, so no how many times do you have sex, how many people have you slept with, do you give blow jobs. I would answer in generic terms, most people lose their virginity at 18 etc

hotmom as someone who volunteers in a primary school I am horrified that you think it is okay for your daughter to have kissed several boys at 8 years old and not had a conversation about why she feels the need to do this. It seems over-sexualised. The condom carrying for a primary school aged child would trigger a safeguarding review. Why would you not be saying that the legal age for sex is 16 and most children are in fact adults when they first have sex? She doesn't need to be worrying about this at her age.

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Somewheredreamingofcheesecake · 13/02/2020 06:02

What did the school say when you discussed this with them (or is this happening out of school)?

I know you're doing what you think is best but keeping your child safe does not mean telling them it's ok to carry condoms at 8. The safety issue here is that she is way too young to be involved in any form of sexual conduct (even the kissing). It's also unrealistic to say she shouldn't have a relationship until 15, that's just setting yourself up to fail.

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hotmom · 13/02/2020 05:26

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Somewheredreamingofcheesecake · 13/02/2020 05:05

*boys

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Somewheredreamingofcheesecake · 13/02/2020 05:05

There shouldn't even be a question an 8 year old is a virgin and thinking of remaining one! I know a lot of 8/9 year old girls. Kissing multiple bots and deciding whether or not to be faithful to just one is honestly not the norm. You should be really concerned about pressure that might be being put on her. Yes education is important but so is keeping your child safe.

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hotmom · 13/02/2020 05:01

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TillyTheTiger · 13/02/2020 04:55

Could you get her a book about puberty? My mum got me a brilliant one when I was about 9, it answered lots of questions I was too shy/embarrassed to ask, and she said if I wanted to talk about any of it, she would answer anything.
This was 25 years ago but I'm sure parents with current tweens will be able to recommend some good resources. Sounds like your explanation was fine, and most importantly you listened and answered and didn't just avoid an awkward conversation, so she'll feel confident she can come to you again in the future.
@hotmom your child is dating and thinking about sex/ condoms/ birth control at EIGHT?

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Toomanygerbils · 13/02/2020 04:49

Op, you’ve said nothing inappropriate, you are doing the right thing being factual and allowing her to be able to talk to you if she needs to

@hotmom if this isn’t a typo and you are supplying your eight year old with condoms and birth control then this is wildly inappropriate!

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Somewheredreamingofcheesecake · 13/02/2020 04:43

Hotmum have I got the timeline wrong? You told your daughter she could go on the pill anf should carry a condom at 8?!

I have a 9 year old DD. No issues with what the Op has been saying but if I thought there was even the slightest chance she was thinking about having sex I would be very concerned.

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hotmom · 13/02/2020 04:39

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Whywhywhynow · 12/02/2020 12:54

I think you’ve handled it brilliantly. Sounds honest and sensible.

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FishCanFly · 12/02/2020 12:51

Questions need honest answers. "Age inappropriate" is an outdated way to think - because next year she's in secondary school, and other kids or their older siblings will have hardcore porn accessible on their phones.

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ScissorsPalace · 05/02/2020 22:10

You haven’t overstepped! Don’t stress. You’ve tried to answer her questions age appropriately...and I’d say you’ve done a pretty good job.

I’d recommend following up with a chat at some stage about how your don’t always get it right but you know quite a lot and you’re there any time she has questions, even if they seem embarrassing etc

Main thing is she enters her teens knowing if she really needs to discuss these issues with you, she can. She might not (probably won’t) but you’ve set the scene for her and actually by being quite matter of fact at this stage you’ve probably set her up well for realising mum isn’t a virgin prude and can advise her accordingly later on 😊

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