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Dd - continuous problems...

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sasparilla1 · 02/02/2019 10:30

My dd is 12.5 yrs old, and for the last couple of months it's been one thing after another.

Firstly, she lies.... nothing major, but continuous low level stuff. Like where she is, what time she got home when both her dad and I are at home, why she's on a phone ban at school.

Before Christmas I checked her phone, as we do regularly, and her Insta msg's were full of inappropriate msg's from a "boy". I spoke to the police who made a report of sexual exploitation, and we went through all of that. The police didnt pursue it as they felt the chances of finding the person were minimal, but they did speak to my dd on the phone about what had happened.

Constantly having sweets and chocolate wrappers on her and around her room, but we don't give her money! Apparently, it's always her friends buying them for her.

Periods - she never tells me when she has her period. And "hides" the evidence. Think used towels and bloody knickers hidden in her room. It's horrible and happens over and over again.

And today I've found a note in her school blazer, "I hate science, I hate myself, I hate paedos, I hate people who hate me, I hate bitches, I hate bitchy people unless they are my friend, I like friends, I like Riverdale, I love Vampire Diaries". So another thing I have to talk to her about...

I don't understand why she's so shut down, or how to help her. She literally tells me nothing, and I find it difficult to help her because of this... Can anyone please give me some advice??

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Hollowvictory · 02/02/2019 10:32

She needs professional support book a counsellor. She also should not be on insta she's below the age limit. . She sounds v unhappy and in need of a lot of love, reassuring and opportunity to speak to someone she can open up to.

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sasparilla1 · 02/02/2019 10:37

I'm glad I'm not over-reacting.... She's not on Insta now, and phone is clamped right down on.

I feel like I'm watching a car crash starting in front of my eyes, and I can't stop it.

I was thinking about counselling, as my dh and I have had a hard time and had counselling, will definitely look into it.

I have 3 ds's and she's my only dd so it's a very different experience. Plus I had issues with my own upbringing, so it's hard to compare. I love her so much, I just want her to be happy.

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Apple23 · 02/02/2019 13:19

You were meant to find that note. If you weren't, she wouldn’t have written it or would have put it somewhere you wouldn’t look. She's asking for your help but can't say the words...

Talk to the safeguarding officer at school on Monday morning.
Take the both the messages and the note. Mention the lying, with the examples you gave. They may all be linked. The SGO may have more information from other pupils, e.g. they may know who the "boy" is, or this may be part of a bigger picture of something (possibly affecting other girls as well) that needs referring on.

(Regarding the periods. Maybe she feels that being a little child is familiar and "safe", and having periods are a physical sign of that being "gone", so she's trying to deny they're happening.)