Hate being mum

[SYD73]

I have 2 girls (10 & 5 yo) last 11 years I am not enjoying my life nor being mum ( very limited moments maybe) I feel I am not designed for this job.. I never connected my first child and I believe 10 years passed still I don't like/love her 99% of the time. . maybe 2nd child bit different I feel emotional I am more connected to her but overall I feel I let both of them down..because I don't enjoy being mum+I don't have required qualities and I realised huge mistake ..people like me shouldn't be parent =I am failure. I came from very unhappy broken family and I remember very little about my childhood (maybe selective memory). I always shut + thread my kids badly (verbal abuse mostly.. I argue non stop my oldest..I don't find her smart+I always criticise her > bad role model overall ) Most of the time I want to leave my family and run away (thanks God their dad loving and much better then me and Im sure he will do better job then me ) I read books + do exercise + think a lot always promise my self such; I treat them better today or I won't get angry..I'll be more patient etc.. but I never able to put in action ..at the end I FEEL HUGE GUILT and feeling of SHIT being failure.. Don't know what to do ( I need to re-create myself !) how to change..Is there anyone feels same way and what you guys doing for change ? Thanks

[Kismetjayn]

Okay, so you acknowledge your childhood issues might be holding you back now. Brilliant, a good start, you can get therapy or counselling for that.

Because I'm afraid you do have to do that if you don't want to damage your children.

Your eldest DD needs to hear you sincerely apologise for arguing and criticising her. You obviously feel bad about it enough to write it here, and she needs to hear that you know you do this, and it is wrong, and you are trying to work on it.

You also need to actually work on it.

Coming from a broken home is not a parental death sentence- I came from an awful family of origin- but you do need help or your children will look back on their childhoods with the same pain.

[metoo1002]

OMG you poor thing I can't believe how hard some of the users are being. Get up every day and keep trying. I could quote similar things as you and I am sure you don't do it daily. I often feel like this too.
You are clearly a good mum because you care and are willing to leave a good husband for the sake of your kids - this makes you are caring mum. You also posted this and have tried to help yourself - again good mum qualities.
Please ignore the "get a grip" advice and come back and chat. Does anyone know where to get help with this?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’ve finally answered your PM but I’m really not very good at spotting when I receive one. Would it be ok if we kept the dis cushion on the thread?

[Designerenvy]

You and your children deserve better. I think you need some counselling to get over or come to terms with your own childhood.
You remember how you felt as a child, I presume you don't want the same for your kids.
Get some help. Open up to dh and get support.
The fact you feel guilty shows you care , but you need help and support. This will not just go away .
You owe to your children to get this help and be the best Mum you can be.

[ChocoholicsAsylum]

You need to either get a grip and become a better loving mother or you get out of their lives! We all make mistakes and fail at parenting but then you learn and stop failing your children! You sound resentfull and god knows why you had a second child when you treat your first so badly! You sound abusive. You say you came from a bad background well so did I and I done my fair share of fuck ups at the start and thought no my children deserve more - they dont need to feel the way I did. This all may sound harsh but after so many years get a grip or leave!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Are you coming back @SYD73?

[littlemeitslyn]

Poor kids

[TigerQuoll]

Would be a good idea to see a psychologist or counsellor

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

SYD you are not a failure, but you do sound depressed. Does your partner know how you feel?

Can I ask how your birth was with your first too? Was it traumatic at all?