My 7 and a half year old daughter

[jjburnel]

AAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
I just dunno what to do with this girl. At least once a day she has a major meltdown because she dos not get her own way,....today was the icing on the cake. When she came home from school, she kicked, pushed and bit me (out on the street at a busy junction with 64 pairs of eyes watching) because i didnt give her what she wanted. When i got home , i put her in her room and told her to come out when she had a think about what she had done, calmed herself down and say she was sorry. She screamed for ten minutes, trashed her room and fell asleep for an hour....


Much later at bedtime and after another few tantrums, we got talking and she actually told me that she could not control herself when she got mad and she has 'anger issues' !! I get the feeling that someone has said this to her in school.
That aside she does behave in this way most of the time and i really dont know what to do....exhausted with it.
Have an 11 year old son who is an angel....

Any advice, much appreciated....xx

[jjburnel]

Thank you all very much for the advice. I totally stuck to my guns today and did not give in to the thing she wanted...and she was actually much more respectful and well-mannered towards me...her behaviour today improved greatly.....well see how long she can hold it....cheers again ladies, most helpful...

[FrancisdeSales]

My DD had a lot of difficulties with anger when was about 9/10.

I also think it's good your dd has acknowledged it. We often seem to be more understanding of boys who show anger than girls. There are many really helpful techniques and methods of helping children learn to manage and control their anger and not take it out on others. My friend is an occupational therapist and she gave me lots of great advice. One thing is to help your dd recognize the physical signs of starting to feel angry and learn to remove themselves from a situation or concentrate on managing the physical feelings of anger so they don't escalate out of control.

They are many, many ways of helping someone manage anger but the main thing is to understand that the changes and deescalation will take time. It's better if their anger feels like a 9 today instead of a 10 yesterday for example. You won't see magical changes overnight but with support and understanding she can turn it around. My dd at 12 is totally different and much more self-controlled. She is also very good at recognizing when she is beginning to get angry and has created her own methods to deal with it.

[PerspicaciaTick]

Can you talk to the school? It sounds like her anger is becoming an issue there too? Lots of schools have support workers who are able to liaise with families and support them.

[Pantsalive]

This book meant to be good. www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Your-Temper-Flares/dp/1433801345?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
It's a bit American, ie spellings, but it's a workbook you can go through together or she can do on her own.

If she has acknowledged her behaviour, it sounds like a good first step.