How to respond to moods and demands

[Henduckgoose]

Really do t know how to respond/deal with latest situation at home. Dd 12 increasingly moody, put down to hormones but last night she said I had let her down, she feels abandoned as my dh try to work through some relationship issues. I said adult relationships are complicated and that as a mum the needs of all 3 children are my first consideration (also have dd 4 & ds 6). She says she hates dh and that I let him walk all over me. The situation with dd puts incredible strain on our marriage feel like she is hell bent on splitting us up. She is mean to ds 6 and distant generally. This screams more than just hormones. I've been trying to have more one to one time with her, walking dogs tg, coffee shop so we can talk but she is adamant that I am just pretending to be happy with dh. I know I can't let 12 y o dictate my life but as her mum I have duty to put their needs first. I love dh and yes we have some stuff to work through but we are doing that and finally felt things were coming tg. I feel so confused :-(

[LastingLight]

Is your dh dd's father? Are there issues between dd and dh (apart from her perception of your relationship with dh), e.g. does she feel he disciplines her more harshly than her siblings? You shouldn't have to justify your relationship with your dh to a 12 year old, but does she see you interact on an equal footing? E.g. does she see you discussing an issue and coming up with a mutually satisfying solution where his opinion is not more important than yours?