Back Chat please help!

[WholeNutt]

Dh has a 10yr DD we have her half the time and struggling with her constant backchat so with his permission I am posting here to ask for some help!

The problem is her not being able to go to bed at night and go to sleep, she has an ipad and instead of listening to her story as agreed at bedtime she is playing games which stops her going to sleep.

It's been agreed by both parents that all electrical things are turned off an hr or so before bed. Last night however when dh said she could listen to a cd not take her ipad she pleaded begged and promised she would only listen to the story she had on there.

Of course that was horse shit and dh found her 15 mins later playing on it so took it off her which then caused a huge tantrum and her screaming her head off in and out of bed for at least an hour.

Dh eventually lost his temper and told her she had lost her ipad privilege for a week. Her standard response to anything is to shout 'IT'S NOT MY FAULT' roll on this morning. Dh woke her up and had to go in to her 3 times to get her up, she was tired and grumpy and started yelling at dh when he told her to get up and start getting ready for school.

Rarely does dh lose his temper with dsd but he's had enough, Her constant need to argue and backchat really gets to him, she all but told him to F off this morning, slamming doors shouting he didn't love her the list goes on.

As a rule unless her rudeness is directed at me I keep my distance but will support my dh in front of her.

She shows no remorse for her behaviour, there is never an apology she seems to believe she is entitled to yell and scream and have the last word. Her mum is also at the end of her tether, dsd tenacity is draining and ignoring her has no effect whatsoever.

She appears to think that it is her parents job to take her to bed and get her to sleep and if that's is not happening then it's the job of the iPad. At 10 dh would like her to get herself to sleep. She's tired alot of the time and no matter what time she is sent to bed it's the same story if she's not getting what she wants.

The other morning when dh refused to go and help her get dressed she shouted 'for god sake..just come here'

Can anyone give any advice on how to stop her backchatting and her rudeness?

[Mabelface]

Well, no ipad anywhere near bedtime for a start! It might be worth trying incentives rather than constant arguing (it's also best to refuse to engage in an argument with a child). She goes to bed without fuss every night for a week, then she gets to stay up half an hour later at the weekend. She puts down the ipad when she's asked to, then she gets another half an hour at the weekend. Getting up and getting dressed in the morning for a week, she gets an hour of doing something she really likes to do with her dad/mum/you. Oh, and as I said, don't engage in arguing, as this only facilitates her behaviour as she's getting the attention she wants any way she can.

[TheGirlOnTheLanding]

I'd be banning the iPad from the bedroom permanently and as a consequence of this morning's tantrum, taking it away completely for a day or two till good behaviour earned it back. We've had similar with our 9 year old (who was such an amenable kid till this year) and despite loud protests, confiscating the tablet proved an incentive to behaviour change. We have a no telly, no gadgets in bedrooms rule anyway (including in our own bedroom!) as it's just not conducive to sleep.

[WholeNutt]

She's had her ipad taken off her for a week after this mornings behaviour and it's banned at bedtime altogether now.

[TheGirlOnTheLanding]

Fingers crossed that works, WholeNutt, it's hard going isn't it? I thought we had a good three years before we could expect 'teenage' behaviour but the eye rolling and backchat is definitely starting for us.

[WholeNutt]

DSD mum called dh..can she have the computer back, she has a busy week and can't cope with dsd screaming and shouting because she hasn't got her gadgets...give me strength.