piggy in the middle

[juliasd]

My 10 yr old DD is popular at school but her 2 best friends don't like each other and they keep trying to get her onto "their side". She doesn't know what to do, if she plays with one then the other gets offended. I know they need to learn to sort out things like this themselves but it is upsetting her. Any advice?

[NanaNina]

The best thing to do is to leave it to the kids to sort out. My DIL is a primary school teacher and she and my son have a 12 yr old daughter. There was a girl in primary school who was very possessive of my gr/dghtr, who said she just had to pretend to be her friend. I was really upset about this, as I felt it was upsetting my beloved gr/dghtr!!

My DIL said that the best thing you can do as a mother is teach your child the skills to deal with these sorts of difficulties as they will always arise along life's path, and not to interfere. She always has parents coming in , worrying about someone falling out with their daughter etc. She says the friendship groups change a lot with girls and they are always falling in and out. If the parents are anxious about it she says this makes the child anxious and escalates things when it is not necessary. She even had a mother come in recently and wanted her girl moved to another class because another girl was "nasty" to her!

[Wellthen]

Do they play together or does she play with each one separately?
I would arm her with a few choice phrases:
I will not play with you if you are nasty about...
I have to be fair and play with both of you because I like both you.

Tell her to just keep repeating them and not get into any argument. She should ignore any 'huffiness' from the friend she hasnt been playing with. Encourage her to walk away if the friend wont listen. Its incredibly hard as she risks losing both of them. Remind her that if they are being nasty about someone else then they arent really the kind of person you want to be friends with.

Possibly get the teacher onside as well? Just so he/she knows whats going on and can encourage your DD.