What advice would you give my dd

[friendly]

My dd, year 7 had pe with her joint form earlier this week. She was picked by a girl from her old primary to join a group of quite popular kids. She was then approached by a girl (popular, queen bee type) from this joint form,who was not in her group, this girl shoved her roughly on her collar bone and hissed "bitch" at her! Poor dd didn't know what to say or do so said nothing. She felt quite shaken and upset but kept that to herself. She doesn't know know why this girl did this to her, I suspect this girl didn't like dd being in a group she felt she should have been in. Dd has pe again tomorrow and is anxious. I have told her to stay away from this girl but I don't want this child to feel she can treat my child like this and i dont want dd to let people push her around and think its ok to push her around.If we were at primary I would speak to a teacher but dd is adamant I don't in this instance. Forgive me for this late night ramble. What would you do and how should I advise dd? Thank you

[tx12noone]

Well, if it were me (and it was, once, long ago!), I'd hiss back a threat. It worked in that case, but is probably not great advice!

[Apricots]

I'll probably get flamed for this but I'd tell her to push the girl and shout back at her. It's amazing how weak bullies become when someone stands up to them

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

She needs to practice a "look". As in look down and back up them with complete disdain. Then a "go away, you're pathetic".

[tx12noone]

Whatever she does, make sure she stands strong. Head up, shoulders back, calm & cool, no signs of worry. Bravado can go a long way in these situations.

[serpentina]

I think its too early to tell if this is going to be a problem. Chances are your girl is liked and the other girl feels threatened. But scary girl is unlikely to be able to convert the group and will eventually have to get on with it. I'd just monitor the situation at this stage.

[CeliaChristmasFete]

Your poor dd! If that had happened to my dd she would be shaking in her boots and wouldn't be able to insult her back.

I agree, a "look" may do the trick if she can muster it. Role play a situation where you're the horrible girl and re-enact what happened. I agree a bully will always back down if you stand up to them, so get her to practise saying assertively "Don't touch me again!"

My dd and I role play this kind of stuff and I always do a silly walk or a facial expression to represent the bully so dd can laugh at her and it reduces the tension.

It may help your dd to visualise the bully with a clown's nose or some other silly feature so when dd looks at her she doesn't see her as somebody intimidating or scary, just silly.

[Angelswings]

Could she visualise the bolshy girl wearing a baby gro or silly PJ's so that she can just smile back or even laugh at this girl to knock the girls confidence

[Theas18]

definitely the "look" and "go away you are pathetic " (even maybe adding you can't bully/intimidate me") . My 12yr old gives looks that would wither flowers - it's a skill they all learn!

(If she actually feels intimidated or the girl is physically towering over her, then the visualisation of something silly, giant baby gro , or my favourite- visualise them sat on the loo, will help).

[savoycabbage]

I'm with the others. You could teach your dd the classic coughing/saying loser maneuver as perfected by Bart Simpson.

[friendly]

Thank you all so much for replying. Mean girl wasn't in on Friday so we have time to do some role play! Dh is with you tx and apricots. I'm glad it worked for you, tx. Dd is perfectly capable of standing up to and giving out to her brothers but not a strange, new and for some reason popular girl. I agree, she needs to appear strong even if she doesn't feel it. I think you're right serpentina, dd is a little quirky, kind and funny, a bit too keen perhaps to make friends at this enormous place but I think she will make friends once she finds some kindred spirits, I hope and pray she does. I hope it was a one off. I shall let you know how she gets on. Thanks again.