How many glasses is "okay" for a celebratory occasion?

[clearBlueSavannah]

First off, yes, I know that the new guidelines are AVOID BOOZE but I also know that Mumsnetters are a realistic and sensible bunch so would be interested in your opinions.

Am going to an evening wedding reception but don't want to let on that am pregnant.

Starts around 7.30pm and will go on until late.
Have heard from a bridesmaid that we'll be offered gin and tonic on arrival. Reckon I'll be able to get away with just tonic here.
I'll have a glass of wine with the meal and just hope that it's not topped up too much by the staff
Then champers for the toast

How much over one evening (with food) do we think is "okay"? as a one off.

I very rarely drink during the week.

[vmcd28]

I think the moral of the story is, you do whatever you will feel comfortable with doing.

[MadameCheese]

I went to a wedding at 8 weeks, didn't drink, nobody cared

[Petsville]

It's good when you meet a sensible doctor who's prepared to be honest about the risks - one of the reasons I've been quite relaxed about the odd glass of wine is that my GP was very laid back, said two or three glasses a week was absolutely fine and she didn't know any obstetricians who'd given up alcohol while they were pregnant! As far as I can see, there's no evidence at all that light drinking does any harm (and God knows there've been plenty of people looking hard enough for it), and I really resent the Government taking the line that we're all too stupid to know what light drinking is so should be told to have nothing at all.

[LadyRabbit]

If it's any consolation I have been like a nun during my pregnancy until recently. (I'm 21+3) I was a little concerned because my boy was conceived around Christmas and all its attendant partying - I had no idea I was pregnant and over Xmas and New Year probably drank around 2 large glasses of red wine a day, every day until the end of the holidays! When I spoke to my GP about it, she wasn't remotely concerned and said that it was quite common in early pregnancy. Anyway, then came nun like behaviour which was not hard given that I too am married to the no drinking in pregnancy policeman (very sweet). Last week we saw our consultant, and my DH happened to raise the no drinking thing. My consultant was quite adamant that 3 units a week is fine, went on to say that the research is so limited and varying, and that FAS is really only evident in cases where mother drank very heavily and that in Ireland for many years pregnant women were given a free bottle of Guinness during their pregnancy as it is a great source of iron. He even seemed slightly exasperated by the way women are made to feel like we can't do anything in pregnancy.

I have not used this an excuse to go wild - I'm still probably only doing 2 units a week and only every other week, but I did really enjoy a mojito at the w/e!

Personally OP, I wouldn't use the antibiotics excuse as I did that at a do a few weeks ago and got 'you're not pregnant are you'? I've found that taking a glass, cradling it and letting DH do the actual drinking is much less conspicuous.

[Kiwiinkits]

I had exactly this dilemma, as i was 9 weeks at my wedding and didn't want people to know I was pregnant. What I did was subtly let the venue staff know that I wouldn't be drinking and that I wanted apple juice with soda water instead of champagne. It looks EXACTLY like champagne.
I ended up having a couple of glasses of real champagne during the celebrations and it was fine. It was the wedding cake that made be barf, in the end.

Now I'm 20 weeks and I have a small glass of wine every couple of nights without any guilt whatsoever. My GP said that the guidelines for zero alcohol were just for people who aren't that smart and who can't figure out what moderate drinking is. Your body, and your baby's body, can cope with a unit of alcohol an hour. So, as long as you can moderate yourself, a little bit is fine.

Best of luck with your pregnancy

[Petsville]

cluckyduck, I went away from this thread and it's moved on a lot! Thanks for the apple mojito recipe - I will try it. I love lime juice: about the only soft drink I really like is nimbu pani, but I can't often be bothered to spend half an hour squeezing 20 limes to make a reasonable quantity of it.

vmcd28, I don't think it's a question of "having" to drink, it's a question of wanting a glass or so to celebrate with the couple. I love wine, but rarely have more than two glasses in an evening even when not pregnant - I don't drink to get drunk, but I'd feel left out if I had nothing at all at a special occasion like a wedding. I sympathise with the OP wanting to have something, even if not a lot!

Having said that, I've also found that either driving, if that's plausible, or accepting a drink and not drinking it seem to be the most successful ways of not drinking without calling attention to it - I went to a dinner party at 11 weeks where everyone except me got totally sloshed, and no-one noticed that all I'd drunk was three sips of my glass of wine.

[Missus84]

First 12 weeks I wouldn't risk it, but after that a couple of small glasses of wine should be fine.

[Trillian42]

Rockbird, I'd have to disagree with you there. If you're amongst friends and you usually would drink, the first thing they'll ask is if you're pregnant if you're suddenly avoiding alcohol.

OP I had almost the same dilemma. What I did was take the drink when I arrived and drank a couple of sips. Then nobody noticed that I didn't have more than one, and because my glass was 2/3 full, no one offered to top me up or get me another drink.

I had wine with dinner and tried the same trick, but the staff kept topping me up anyway so that my glass ended up filled to the brim! I switched it with my husband's glass then unobtrusively from time to time (he did end up quite merry drinking for 2!).

I had a small glass of champagne for the toast. I got away with it completely despite my very eagle-eyed friends who managed to predict several other pregnancies! If you make it as far as the main course of the meal, most people will be too distracted to be watching the level of wine in your glass.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I'd say two small glasses is fine, but you can get away with not drinking anything by

1. driving
2. saying you are on antibiotics for a chest infection or summat

No one will suspect a thing!

[withorwithoutyou]

Well the OP obviously has reason to believe not drinking will cause suspicion Rockbird so you'll just have to take her word for it.

[nunnie]

Apart from the bride and groom of course, they are usually center of attention.

[nunnie]

In my experience the only people that stand out at weddings are the ones who have had too much. Hopefully there will be one there and you will get missed, my advice stand near the drunk and you will be fine

[Rockbird]

I'm not talking about it being difficult not to drink, but this clutch of eagle-eyed guests who apparently swoop on anyone who isn't out of their skull. Most people don't give a toss and aren't looking for clues.

[bumpology]

Just remember that many women get quite far through their first trimester without even knowing they are pregnant and so are drinking normally and the majority of them don't come to any harm. A one-off isn't going to a problem, so long as you don't go crazy, and you'll probably find you don't enjoy the taste as much as normal anyway. I find that if I have any more than a glass and a half of wine I fall asleep ;-)

[PrivetDancer]

Well clearly it's not difficult if you don't normally drink! However if you do normally drink and you're at a wedding and (god forbid) you fancy a drink and you don't want people to guess you're pregnant then it's not so easy.

[vmcd28]

rockbird, I agree. I have been to weddings and driven (so couldnt drink) but no-one has ever assumed I was pregnant.
Everyone is having fun, and by the time of the meal everyone is plastered anyway. No-one will notice.
I'm all for everyone doing what suits them, but I dont really get why you "have" to have alcohol at this wedding. If it were me, I would be annoyed that I couldnt keep drinking, so in fact I'd probably enjoy it more if I just had none at all!

[Rockbird]

I don't understand how it's difficult not to drink at weddings. As I said, I don't drink but no one particularly knows that. Family and friends don't say 'ooh look, there's Rockbird who doesn't drink'. But I have never ever found it a problem to go to a wedding and not drink alcohol, ever. I raise the glass of champagne with everyone else and put it back. Most people are too busy quaffing it themselves to bother with what you're doing.

[GreenwichB]

I should add that in the first tri when completely stuck (or absent minded moment)I had the odd sip during Option A but actually went completely off the taste of wine (champagne was fine though oddly enough)so it wasn't really an issue. It was pre-Christmas too so I opted out of most non-compulsory social occasions. I had 2, occasionally 3, 125 ml glasses of wine a week during second tri (125ml was the most I could actually physically consume so I was lucky there) and now that I'm in 3rd tri, everything is giving me heartburn so it's back to the occasional random glass of champagne when it's on offer. It really helped to measure out 125ml of water into a glass and know how much you are allowing yourself to have when you do accept a glass too.

[shipsladyg]

Quote: "French doctors actually recommend a glass of wine a night while pregnant! and French babies aren't all deformed"

Which is where my DH usually says "and look how the French turn out! General striking, cheese eating, surrender monkeys " (He had a prominent military family in the Napoleonic wars and thereafter, and they haven't quite let it go yet...)

[shipsladyg]

Oh yeah - being the only sober person at Christmas is quite a bore!

Just thinking about the champagne thing at weddings... I used to be a event manager doing weddings and I would say that the majority of couples chose a nice bottle of pop for their table and cheap cava for all the guests on the grounds that "they probably wouldn't notice so why bother with the expense"... so again, being abstemious and saving up your units for the champagne might actually be a disappointment to those with more discerning tastes.

Am loving the idea of a virgin apple mojito. mmmm.... might experiment tonight. I was also well into Virgin Marys (DH makes a goooooood Bloody Mary) until the heartburn took over my appetite.

[GreenwichB]

Depending on your audience I've found that the following approaches work:
A) Accept a glass but don't drink it. Nobody actually notices, you are just self conscious about it. Standing about chatting with a glass, canapes and a handbag usually means that you have to put down something too so it is easy to ditch /swap a glass
B) Tell people you are on a diet and don't have the self control to stop at one. Handy if like me you are never known to pass up a drink.
C) Drive or claim you are - not always an option though. An early start helps if it is an overnighter.
D) This one is tricky - you can't exactly trot it out at work but it works really well with friends and family esp in first trimester. Tell people you are cutting back to get in shape/be healthy for TTC. No-one will criticise you for that - I don't think it will work the second time around though! Subtly implying that you are now "taking it seriously" usually implies some difficulty so people back off in a hurry. Mean but very effective.

[beanlet]

I agree it's very difficult to refuse to drink anything at all at a wedding. But no more than half of a 125 mL (small) glass of wine with your meal, and half a glass of fizz -- that's 2 units. (Tall champagne glasses are 125 mL when filled to the brim.)

There will almost certainly be non-alcoholic options served alongside the G&Ts, so have an orange juice or a water.

Frankly, I thing we Anglo-Saxon-whatevers are far too paranoid about alcohol French doctors actually recommend a glass of wine a night while pregnant! and French babies aren't all deformed but you should definitely restrict your intake to 2 units maximum per week.

All the books I've been reading say you CAN drink when breastfeeding, but you should try to time it so that you drink immediately after a feed.

[nunnie]

I will say though, from my experience at top table for weddings (when not pregnant), they tend to top up your glass before it is empty, my advice would be drink very slowly, they may think you aren't a fan of wine and avoid topping you up if that makes sense.

[nunnie]

Not had any this time round but only 16 weeks and haven't gone anywhere and nothing planned in the near future.

Last pregnancy I was 15 weeks over christmas and had one glass of champers when I arrived at my in laws on news years eve. Didn't have anymore, but watched 8 other people get bladdered and that was interesting in itself.

Sometimes better to watch that partake.

[thumbwitch]

I went to a wedding when I was about 6w pg with DS - and had 2 half-glasses of champagne (one pre-dinner, one for the toasts), with the excuse of being the driver back to the hotel afterwards.

I got married when I was 18w pg and had 2 glasses of champagne then - 1 with strawberries in and one with the meal.

Soft drinks that I find ok are:
ginger ale (not beer)
apple juice and soda water
J2Os and soda water
Waitrose blueberry juice and sparkling water (looks just like red wine, fools the brain a bit)