Pregnant with 3rd baby depression

[EmG88]

I’m really down With this pregnancy. I can’t manage to eat or sleep properly. It feels like impending doom sometimes, there are happy times as well it’s not ALL bad. I’m nearly 16weeks now. There’s a few reasons for this I do have 2 children already aged 10+, I have 2 step children 9-8. Had a miscarriage 2 years ago as well which was very volatile rushed to hospital surgery and blood transfusion. My ex for my two kids has stopped me seeing them since 2016. I’ve tried and tried to contact him sending texts every weekend for the first 2 years then noticed my eldest had Facebook so I tried to add him. I got 2 replies from the texts that whole time saying I’m not seeing them at all. The friends request got declined and I can no longer see his profile I believe I’ve been blocked. Any house phone number I get hold of their dad blocks my calls via BT guardian when he knows it’s me. Me and their father had a disagreement about how he was treating the boys as they would disclose things to me. I went to solicitors (very expensive I couldn’t afford it) he instantly cancelled mediation before we got the both in a room talking stage. My only option was to self representation in court. He was abusive our whole relationship and I’m pretty much scared of him. I hoped he was just having a “f you moment” and would easy up after a month or two. This wasn’t the case. I’ve contacted SS a few times and so have CAB on my behave but they never return with any info for me. I’ve suffered anxiety and depression ever since.
I’ve expressed all this to my midwife as and “open to the truth policy” I’ve been referred to woman outpatients in the hospital for my heavy bleeding which happens when I’ve given birth and my miscarriage. And also for “safeguarding” which I because of Covid I have to attend alone with no support at all. Which means they won’t get much of a conversation out of me or I’ll cry and I can’t I just don’t that I’m front of someone. I’ll end up walking out which will make it worse and will only help them assume this baby will need “safeguarding” now I feel like I don’t even want to tell my midwife I feel down on my next appointment one the 1st of September. I really don’t have the strength for this at this point anymore and feel so down because of it. I don’t even know why I’m writing it all here in all honesty. Thanks for letting me rant x

[EmG88]

You know i see threads all the time with reply’s. Every time I join a site like this and similar no1 really reply’s. So disheartening. Thank you never mind