I am so fucking fed up

[BertieBotts]

Of attempting to change poo nappies with a child who will not fucking stay still and screams the house down throughout the entire experience. It's Not Helping that I have massive resentment over the fact he's 3.1 and not responding to any kind of potty training incentive, cajoling, softly-softly approach, anything!

WHAT can I do? I've tried explaining to him that if he does poos in the potty we won't have to go through this horrific experience which he hates probably even more than I do, but he says that's scary. I've tried bribing with chocolate buttons but the fear is outweighing the bribery factor. I'm now worried I've somehow done irreparable damage and he's going to be in nappies for ever. Seriously considering farming him out to someone for a couple of weeks and they can do it for me.

[thehairybabysmum]

How was today?

[SkinnyGirlBethany]

If I were you, I would do cold turkey through the days- he's old enough to understand and you don't want to send mixed messages.
The holding the wee thing my dd did- as others said shows he physically can do it! Get him drinking lots thou as you don't want him to get a uti.

[BertieBotts]

He had 2 accidents, and one in the potty :) But he didn't wee at all until 4.30pm, and then he didn't actually notice, because he was in a bit of a zombie-like state of tiredness. DP went and got the nappies in the middle of the day and he saw them, but we managed to convince him that the number 6 on the packet meant he couldn't have them on before 6 o'clock because they wouldn't work but he seemed to accept this quite happily.

He's going to the childminder in the morning, just for a few hours, so I will be brave and send the spare clothes! Tomorrow is going to be all day so that will be a bit harder. I have a feeling he's going to be nervous about public toilets, he has always hated coming in the cubicle with me, so I might stick to nappies when we go out just until he's more confident. I don't know.

I think we might struggle with poo. He was very windy today but insisted he didn't need one, and then said his willy was hurting and it told him it needed a nappy on.

[thehairybabysmum]

The books don't tell you that they might hold it in for hours!! My Ds did this too. Be reassured that he does therefore have control and also you can leave the house

[Shakey1500]

Cold turkey wise I used pants all day in the house to begin with, still put a nappy on when we went out (there's few public loos in our town) and when we went in the car. Just until he got the hang of it. Then it was a case of just braving it, always went juuust before leaving house, asked every half hour, looked for signs etc. Spare everything in a bag (including socks, don't forget socks!)

Has he weed yet??

[BertieBotts]

Well, he's been in pants all day but hasn't weed yet...

[SkinnyGirlBethany]

I think if he said last night he wants to go 4 it then ur right to do it!

Tips 4 out n about- take a potty everywhere- 1 in the car, pram if you use 1 and I always take 1 to the park.

Keep a spare pair of clothes along with the ones you'll have in your bag in your car.

When you arrive anywhere go straight to the loos and try- my dd loved other toilets but not ours in the beginning

Don't ask if he wants a wee ask which toilet he would like to try on. Easy to wash clothes- ie all the same colour trousers and pants will help the washing.

Shoes- wells r your friend or crocs or doodles

[leftmymistletoeatthedoor]

Fwiw once the nappies came off ds they were off. Towel in car seat on top of plastic bag and lots of changes of clothes.

I, Personally, don't count night training as the same thing at all as potty training so I wouldn't be doing that yet.

[thehairybabysmum]

The bedmat things are really good as a cheaper alternative to a protector

Good luck with whichever you decide for tmw

[BertieBotts]

I will go for pants rather than pull ups. I don't see the point in them for potty training. Useful at 9 months when he first learnt to stand before I got the hang of doing normal nappies standing up though!

I'm torn now between going for it tomorrow and hanging on until payday when we can get a mattress protector for his bed (though I could just give him the one from ours, since it's not really needed any more?) and perhaps a few more pairs of pants/trousers. I think we will need to do cold turkey anyway so it's just the timing thing really.

If you did cold turkey, what about going out? Was that counted as a separate situation which required nappies at first or did you go for it straight away?

Thanks for the reminder about my-bed-to-own-bed transition. Similar good start, similar stress to now when we were in the middle of it (which seemed to go on forever), now he sleeps fantastically and I barely even remember the stressful bit in the middle. Hopefully this will be the same!

[OldMotherDismass]

As a couple of others have said, give up for now. My ds2 seemed impossible to train - was fine naked but not with pull ups or pants, nothing was working. Then a couple of weeks ago, HE DECIDED he wanted to use the toilet and he has been clean and dry ever since.

No point forcing these things -he'll do it when ready. Nursery will understand, they've seen it all before. DS2 is also dry at night now too. He changed in days because HE was ready. We did nothing to change things, it all came from him. Children will potty train at some point, but there is not a lot that can be done to hurry it. He will get it , in his time.

[Shakey1500]

Cold turkey? A (high) stack of pants/bottoms at the ready, with cloths, mops when you've got a few days spare that can be spent indoors tackling it with pull ups (or big boys pants at Chez Shakey) for nightime? As in a "that's it, no more nappies, we'll deal with it together". I know that sounds harsh but it worked for me. It was over the summer though so washing sodden/solied pants/shorts was easier and we also have laminate floors. It took about 2 weeks all in all and I didn't use a potty, went straight to the toilet, held him tight.

I do feel your pain though, I had similar going from cot to bed and after spending almost 2 weeks sat on the landing putting him back over 100 times a night, I admitted defeat and for both our sanities, rebuilt the cot till he was ready. Good luck

[BertieBotts]

Hairybaby punishment/discipline conversation was about him wriggling when changing. I don't punish for this ATM because I think it's horrible enough for him already, just try to get it over with as quickly as possible, and if he's wriggling that usually means pinning him down. Sometimes he's okay, tonight I think I was just tired and he was tired and it was a bad combination.

Thanks MyName, that's really helpful :) I will try that next time.

[BertieBotts]

Argh now I have another post saying the opposite thing! :) I didn't say to him that we will see tomorrow, BTW, I was just saying that as my own thoughts as he may well turn around in the morning and insist he wants a nappy.

I want to just go for it but I'm worried I'm pushing him as he seems so afraid. But perhaps as you say just don't give him a choice and see how he responds to that. Lots of reassurance that it's okay if he has accidents etc, and then praise if he does manage it. I know that he is aware of when he is going so that's not an issue.

We are out of nappies now anyway so I suppose he's stuck with pants at least until 10am. I might send DP out for some and then hide them.

[thehairybabysmum]

Not sure what your removal of privileges refers up but defo agree no punishment appropriate when PT!

[MyNameIsInigoMontoya]

How to do standing-up changes, Ok well this is how I generally do it for poos.

Firstly she has to go (or be carried) into the bathroom, though I don't always bother if it's just a wee. If she is happy I just get on with it while she stands there (chatting or whatever) but if she seems inclined to wriggle or run off, I get everything to hand (including opening the nappy bag, unfolding new nappy etc), kneel down and then wrap my left arm round her middle so my hand is behind her back, and then use that hand to hold her dress/top up out of the way. It also stops her running off, and stops her being able to sit down easily halfway through, as I can hold her up under her arms if necessary.

Right hand pulls down trousers, then I undo the nappy tabs with whichever hand can reach best, but while supporting the nappy so it doesn't just plop straight onto the floor. Then the trick is rather than just pulling off the nappy, to kind of grab the poo with the nappy as you pull it off, so you can remove the maximum amount of poo at the same time. Plonk nappy on floor, but keeping it closed so the poo doesn't get on the floor (getting it into a bag one-handed is too fiddly!), one-handed bum-wiping like crazy until clean (just reach underneath for the front bits), put the new nappy on (I usually shove the front bit up through her legs from behind first, then pull up the back bit and do the tabs) - pull up trousers, release DD and clear up the dirty nappy etc. and Bob's your uncle!

2 other good tips I have learnt: Firstly, if it's a bad poo, do it near the toilet and for the first bit of wiping, just use loo roll and then you can chuck it straight in the loo as you go. Much less fiddly than having to get it in a bag, and you can still use wipes for the last bit to get really clean.

Also, for DD it works really well to put a book or a toy on a chair in the bathroom (or edge of the bath or whatever you've got available). Then she plays with that while standing in front of the chair and I can change her in peace.

Bit of an essay but hope that helps!

[BertieBotts]

No, just that he was in nappies for the 3 days and then about a week afterwards as I still wasn't feeling too well. He says that he is scared I will shout. I don't know why because I have never shouted or got cross about accidents, the only thing I have got cross about is this wriggling and trying to crawl off when I'm changing him. And even then shouting has no effect, it just upsets him which makes him try even harder to get away. So I'd like to try and keep my cool and not be shouting and forcing him if possible, really.

I don't do removal of privileges as punishments at other times so he doesn't really understand the concept. I once told him he could have a treat if he lay still and he still didn't lie still and then went on and on and on whining about the treat all afternoon because he didn't understand why I said he could have it and then said that he couldn't have it, probably because again it's not a technique I use on other discipline issues, at least not in a "you can do X but you won't get Y" way - more of a "Do X and then you can have Y. No Y until X."

[thehairybabysmum]

Sorry for terrible spelling, tricky to type on phone

[thehairybabysmum]

Just read your last post, he days no nappy... You say not tonight though. You will see how he feels tmw...

You need to take charge. Sorry if sounds harsh but reread all the mixed messages in your posts.

Go for it tmw...tis much less grim than changing nappies, even accidents ad they haven't been squished all over bum etc.

Hope it goes well

[thehairybabysmum]

M
I actually think that P T is more about when you are ready not him... Afraid you have made it into a BIG DEAL by the sounds of it. Just get on and do it... Pants on, no more nsppies except at night and just do it. If you mean business then he will soon get it. Cajoling etc not good. Matter of fact, lots of praise when sits on potty etc etc.

I also did one cmartie for sitting on it and three when a wee or poo was done I'm potty.

[leftmymistletoeatthedoor]

Ok forget about the potty training. Seriously. We were in a similar position with ds at this age, he was potty trained and in pants from 2 but not for poos - he did them in his pants. I got mega stressed and worried and then when he was 3 and I was pregnant I didn't have the energy and I forgot about it for a while and when he was 3.4 I did bribery with a reward chart and stickers and prizes - kinder eggs, pound shop toys, occasional better toy - it worked a treat.

I honestly belieev you need to forget about it. I know that doesn't change the not sitting for you when needing changed. I think I'd tell him off for that like I would anything else tbh. He has to lie still end of and will lose privileges if not. I think discipline + toilet training never ever go well together but I don't think that's the issue with this?

[effingwotsits]

Is there something specific that happened when you went into hospital, like a poo accident ore something? After a bout of painful constipation my dd had a fear of pooing altogether and got so bunged up she made herself ill. Just thinking, maybe a trauma like wetting himself has made him fear being nappy less.

[BertieBotts]

(I found another nappy under the bed in the end)

[BertieBotts]

Well DS decided just before bed that his nappy was leaking and that he wanted to take it off. It was the last one in the house and then he announced that he wanted pants instead. To which I said perhaps was not the best idea overnight (was this a bad thing to do?) because he might not realise if he was asleep that he needed a wee. But that if he wanted to, he could wear pants all day tomorrow because we aren't going anywhere. So he's said he wants to. But we will see when he wakes up.

Can I ask how the changing standing up works in practice? I just can't imagine it being anything other than pure carnage. But perhaps that's because DS tends to not tell me when he's done a poo straight away so by the time I notice he needs changing he's sat in it and all sorts.

I don't think he does need training for nursery. In fact my neighbour said that her son wasn't trained when he started. Maybe I should go and speak to her again for more reassurance!

[nailak]

My dd 3.2 was the same until 2 weeks ago she showed no interest in the toilet, she had bare bum time etc, and loved knickers. Then 2 weeks ago she came in to the toilet, said mummy move and sat down on the toilet. Since then she has been mostly dry even in the night.