are we doing this right?

[rhetorician]

DD is 2.5; she knows all about the toilet and the potty and we started potty training in earnest yesterday. She is very proud of her new knickers.

Yesterday we managed to get a poo in the potty, but she doesn't seem to have any idea about wees - she keeps running to the loo or potty and pulling down her pants and making 'pssss' noises, but not actually weeing. She's had some accidents on the floor, which don't distress her, and we've just said 'next time we'll try and use the potty'. I don't think that she knows that she is going to do a wee. Is she not ready, or should we just gently continue? I know that bladder takes longer than bowels, but should we take a different approach?

And what are training pants for? What's the point of them?

She will be at home today and tomorrow, then nursery on Tuesday morning. Assuming that we continue to potty train, what approach do we take when she is at nursery (they will not want her running around with no knickers on and weeing all over the floor, presumably....)

thanks for reading - first time and clueless, frankly

[rhetorician]

anyone?

[rhetorician]

no advice, from anyone? We have been trying for about 3 days now, and I don't think that she gets that she is about to wee. She has had a history of constipation due to withholding and this is what is happening now. We have put a nappy back on. Does anyone have any idea how we can proceed? Please?

[girlywhirly]

I don't think your DD is quite ready yet.

You can do a gentle 'potty practice' where the child sits on the potty at certain times during the day, and when they ask to, but nappy is worn between times. You could do on getting up, after breakfast, mid morning, after lunch, after nap/mid afternoon, after tea, bathtime and before bed. You can do more or less pottying, especially if you can tell there is a poo on the way. Praise all successes and ignore an empty pot. Sitting time 3 mins max. You could ask nursery to put her on the potty while she is there.

Training pants are either disposable pull-ups, which catch all accidents and are not much different to a nappy, and washable pants with a waterproof layer which won't catch a full wee, but will absorb dribbles. These often happen at the start, when the child starts to wee and then holds on while they get to the potty. Pull-ups are handy to put on a child for naps, but when doing full on potty training they feel just like a nappy to the child, so ordinary thin cloth pants are best to help them remember that there is nothing to catch a flood!

What you are looking for in a child who is ready to train, is confident to wee and poo on the potty, knows in advance that they are about to do so, can put themselves on the potty or tell you in time to help them.

[rhetorician]

thanks girly - I'm not convinced that she can actually hold her wee yet. She will sit on the potty, but probably not for as long as 3 minutes. She is too small to use the toilet on her own, although happy to sit on it if you lift her on. But doesn't ever actually do anything on it, although she knows perfectly well what it's for. I have a feeling this might be a long road: she's smart, but stubborn...

really appreciate the reply - I don't feel like I know what I'm doing at all

[alarkaspree]

I agree that she's not ready. She really needs to be able to recognise when she is going to do a wee otherwise you are just going to have a long frustrating process ahead of you of trying to get her to do something that she just can't. I'd go back to nappies and try again in a month or two.

To give you an idea of the sort of awareness you might be looking for, I started training my ds after he was naked ready for the bath and weed on the floor. He waited until I had finished wiping it up and then squeezed out a few more drops and laughed. And it took less than a week before he was dry day and night. Dd would just start dragging me off to the bathroom when she had done a poo.

[Dorje]

Give it a break for now.

Enrol the help of the nursery and take their advice on when your DD will be ready. You and the nursery and your DD are all part of the team that will get her through this stage of her development.

Your DD is obliviously (to me!) not ready as she is unaware of her body. If she still is holding on to her poos, up her fruit and water in her diet, and then give her syrup of figs if she's still holding on.

Try her again in a few months with the help of her nursery.

[welliesandpyjamas]

Agree with others. She just isn't ready. No need tp push it, when the right time comes, it'll all happen easily and she won't get upset.

When she hates the feeling of pee in her nappy etc then let her take the lead and go nappy free at home. But keep to the home (chances are she'll be too distracted at nursery anyway) as there's nothing worse than accidents in other people's houses, public places etc. Then with time she'll poo in the potty at home too. Then gradually get her used to pants at home...then with time pants + trousers (the feel of layers can make them feel like they're in nappies and confuse them!). And after a long time getting used to all this, then start intriducing 'nappy free' outside the home

[notso]

I am going to go against the grain and say that both mine started out like this and both were dry within a fortnight. They were a little older though, 2.7 for DD and 2.9 for DS1.
On the first day DS1 would sit on the potty for a good twenty minutes and then wee on the floor as soon as he stood up, however once he finally wee'd in the potty and had the big song and dance, sticker on the chart, treat from the treat box etc. He was happy to sit there until he had wee'd.

I do think you need a week when you can be at home all the time, nursery is not ideal for potty training (I am a nursery nurse). I am not saying they won't support you but there are so many distractions and also not usually the time to let you child sit on the potty or whatever for long periods every so often.

[rhetorician]

she goes to nursery 3 mornings a week; I think we'll leave it a couple of weeks (whilst offering and encouraging her on the potty) and try again. dorje the with-holding thing isn't really anything to do with diet and she is on movicol for that - she knows the theory but can't quite do the practice.

Thank you for all of your advice, as I say, totally clueless, but my instinct is that she's not the kind of child you can push - she's happier and less worried since we put her back in a nappy.

Hey ho - expecting DD2 in late Nov/early Dec so this seemed like a good time, but clearly not according to the person who matters!

[girlywhirly]

You are right not to push DD, a battle of wills is the last thing you want. I just said 3mins limit to sitting on the potty because sitting for a long time is pointless and not good for a child.

If DD can't relax on the potty to do anything, you're better off sticking with the nappies for now. Interesting that you say the constipation is due to withholding, constipation can have an effect on wetting, as in the signals of a full bladder can be masked. You might find that when one is sorted the other follows.

[Dorje]

Good advice girlywhirly - it's all the pelvic floor - the majority of the muscles are round the anus and perineum and once that is sorted then the bladder control may follow.

[PippiLongBottom]

So not ready. Save yourself the hassle. I hate the term 'potty train', you can't train someone to piss at your convenience. She will do it when she's ready with no accidents.

[rhetorician]

the constipation is largely sorted - but she doesn't seem to be always sure about what's happening with her body. It's fine - we'll leave it for now. It just seemed that she knows what the loo is for, can tell us when she has done a wee or a poo in her nappy etc etc and wanted to have big girl's knickers - but her understanding is out of kilter with her body. Thanks all. Will return in about 2 months time!

[welliesandpyjamas]

Yes, that awareness and being able to express it is just a step towards her getting ready but it doesn't mean that she actually is. There is no rush :)

Don't think it's been mentioned on the thread but am sure those who have done this before will agree but in the coming months it wouldn't hurt for her to see an older friend or cousin using the potty successfully. Hero worship is a big help in learning to use the potty In time, you'll find that your dc2 will do it all a lot quicker than your dd!

[rhetorician]

welliesandpyjamas - yes, she has already watched her cousin (6 months older) using the toilet (poor child always has an audience!), but perhaps the problem is that my DD is very small for her age, so can't easily sit on the toilet and certainly needs help to get on and off. I think she'd prefer toilet to potty, probably.

[Coombemill]

Lots of sensible advise here already. I have brought up 6 through potty training and so decided to do a blog post on my tips. Have a read, no guarentees but they worked for me every time coombemill.blogspot.com/2011/07/mummy-tips-for-potty-training-dry-in.html