Poo in pants - 1 year on - do I bring out the nappies?

[MegaFlo]

We started potty training DD (now 3.9) in July last year - she 'got it' with the wees pretty quickly but the poos have been an enduring nightmare. Am at my wits end. She has pooed in her pants almost everyday since - sometimes multiple times a day. She has however also done it on the potty/loo a few times so I know she can. It's just that she chooses not to. She goes to nursery 3 days a week and it's not an issue as she holds it in. She either refuses to sit on the potty or sits on it for 40 mins and then does a poo in her pants half an hour later. Can't pin down the timing either. I am sick to death of scrubbing pants. I have tried everything: from coaxing her, bribery, heaping praise when she does sit on the potty, cleaning it up without comment, saying I'm disappointed to also getting cross! I lost the plot today and started crying - I've just had enough. Should I put her back in nappies? I did threaten this but she didn't seem that bothered. Any advice greatly appreciated!

[Mummyloveskisses]

It is so hard, I had it easy with DS1, it took a couple of weeks and he was clean and dry (3.7yrs)
But DD (3.5yrs now) started at 2.4yrs and was dry almost straight away but 7 months on she started weeing in her pants again... I get so frustrated and like you NOTHING works, she won't respond to any method I do she just wants to do what she wants when she wants to do it..... I know she is choosing to do it in her knickers not the toilet because she can go a couple of weeks dry and then out of the blue she'll have 3 days on the trot being changed 4 times a day!
From what I can gather from the endless threads ive read, it is just a phase and control thing and the best thing to do is ignore soiling and praise every clean dry pair of knickers.... and hopefully it will end soon.

Recently we have been talking about starting nursery and what a big girl she is this appears to work for the moment as she want's to be big and go to school.... one thing i'm sure on I don't think you should go back to nappies... your just saying to her when she can't be bothered to do it right she can wear a nappy.... now she's out she stays out! IMO

I realise I haven't much to say to help you but thought you'd want to know your not alone xxx

[MegaFlo]

Hey Mummyloves, thanks for your message. It's hugely reassuring to know I'm not the only one! It's just so damned hard to keep your cool when it happens day after day. Am feeling a bit brighter about it today - yesterday was an all time low (4 pairs of soiled pants in as many hours!). I think you're right on the nappies front. I would also feel like the entire 'year long' exercise had been one huge failure. DD's going to be starting pre-school soon - so might start making a thing about her being a big girl and see whether that makes a difference. Good luck with your DD and let me know how you get on! They have to crack this eventually, right?!! X

[Mummyloveskisses]

That's what I keep telling myself..... Its the one thread I am hanging onto

[willitbe]

I am going to contradict the advice here and say - go back to nappies! I have 3 dc, first one I started trying at 2.5 and had success with wees but not poos until they were nearly 5!!!! Then suddenly dry day and night and no nappies, off their own volition, I don't know why I put myself and them throught the stress. DC2 (only a year younger) I started at 2.5 again wees no issue, but pooey pants until just gone 4 and again stopped nighttime nappies at the same time, it was stressful and I wish I had gone back to nappies earlier.
DC3, treated no differently to the other two, but at 2.5 fully potty-trained during the day.

I think children potty train in their own time and there is nothing that can be done to speed up the process, so why put you and your child through the stress when not needed???? Give yourself a break from pooey pants for a while, and think about starting again when needed for preschool? At preschool they see other children going to the toilet and so like to copy too, this does make a difference too I think!