TV for Preschoolers

[GeorginaA]

Anyone else read the advice bit on the front page of Mumsnet today and feel horribly horribly guilty?

Adding up the time my toddler sits in front of the TV (he's 21 months) and I've worked out on a good day it's 1.5 hours (so much for my vow he would only get half hour a day, lol) - half hour before lunch and dinner preparation, and half hour before bed to wind down with (we're fans of Little Bear and the bedtime business song on NickJR!).

Then there's the not so good days which are pretty frequent now that dh works away in the week and we've had this cold for ages (and it's really knocked us both out) and now ds has conjunctivitis so we're in isolation unable to go out and socialise. On these sorts of days the TV goes on for a whole morning or afternoon (and very often both).

In my defence, he doesn't usually just sit and watch unless he's not well or tired - he plays and glances occasionally at the TV when things grab his attention. I also make a real effort to comment on what he notices on the TV (except during meal preparation of course). We also (except while in isolation - argh have I mentioned I hate this week?!) go out at least once a day and socialise.

I haven't noticed any particular delay in development - he's got quite a large vocabulary (although I generally interpret for other people, lol) and strings together 2-3 words for sentences. Doesn't stop me wondering if he could be doing a lot better with less TV.

Anyone else feel like they've sold their soul to CBeebies?

[Clarinet60]

It's cool anais, I didn't think you implied that either.
I'm a worrier too, but I tend to think that TV is one of the nicer things in life. I worry about starting school, especially after some of the horror stories I hear about bullying and the stifling effects of the current crazy curriculum. I worry about whether me and DH are going to stay the course and what effect it will have on the boys if we don't. I'm going off the point even more now, so I'll stop!

[GeorginaA]

Anais, I know I'm not Droile, but I didn't think you implied that

I'm a worrier too, so I understand where you're coming from. I do try to focus on the good things when I can though, it's just not always that easy is it?

[anais]

Yes Droile, good point. I do think it matters, but certainly in the great scheme of things it pales ito insignifcance. I'm a worrier, but I would certainly not condemn anyone as a bad parent because their kids watch a couple of hours of tv - I'm sorry if I implied that in my last post. When I posted last night I was in the middle of a debate on another website about another situation which I feel very strongly about. I guess I projected some of my feelings about that over here.

In comparision with a huge part of the world we are incredibly fortunate, and you're right, we shouldn't get hung up on little things like this. Life's too short.

[GeorginaA]

Well said Droile. I have to say that I think poverty and parents who don't give a s* are probably a lot larger factors in crime than whether your 2 year old watches Dora the Explorer...

Have decided to try and make a real effort to limit TV to the 1.5 hours telly that's "normal" in our household to get cooking done/relax in the evening together, but if I have to put the telly on because we've got viewers coming around that afternoon, I'm not going to stress too much! Am going to try and do small bursts of necessary chores done while he's awake more as well so I don't end up like a headless chicken when ds naps...

[Clarinet60]

In case my last post made me sound like a raving patriot (I'm far from that), I meant that comparatively, most of us (all of us owning a PC) have a lot to be grateful for. Most of the world is too poor to own a TV set, many are starving and some are about to be blown up. So worrying about how much TV our children watch is a luxury really. Better, perhaps, to think about how much time we spend with them, even if it's time spent doing other things while we're with them, and enjoy the time we have together. Nobody knows how much of it any of us will have, so to spoil it worrying about that seems a shame. Just being in the same room together is lovely and precious to a child, even if you aren't doing much. It's easy to forget that.
The fact that we click onto this website in the first place suggests that most of us are concerned about parenting and don't think we have all the answers. That alone puts us streets ahead of most, in the history of the world's parents, so perhaps we shouldn't sweat the small stuff.

[lou33]

Having said that I do think a lot of programmes fro children are becoming too full of suggestive references. Today dh and I have banned Dick and Dom in da bungalow, because I walked in and heard a throw away remark about kids not beating their sausages! I know it sounds amusing to adults, but not amusing for kids to hear imo, and that is who the programme is supposed to be for.

[lou33]

I think it also depends how many children you have too. It's a lot easier to keep one entertained than 2, 3 or 4, when you also have food to prepare, laundry to do, hoovering etc.....

[anais]

I certainly wasn't suggesting that anyone was a lax, but personally I feel it does matter. Of course you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, but I really don't think we know the effects that it could have in the long run.

I am not proud of the society we live in - I don't think there's much to be proud of. I think there are certain aspects of the way we parent that are haing a negative effect on our children and therefore our future. Of course I'm not saying an hour of tv is breeding criminals, just that I think it's a small part of the problem. I could go into what I see as some of the other problems, but this isn't the place and I don't suppose anyone would be all that interested

[Clarinet60]

In case I sound like a lax mother, I paint, cook, model or garden (sometimes all) with DS every day, and take him to plenty of playgroups and ballplay. I also use TV and mumsnet for myself (and him) to unwind to, and a much happier and more relaxed mum I am for it, too. I gossip with my friends when we are at their houses or mums and tots, or play with him as I see fit. Sorry, I'm rambling, but I feel we're getting a bit obsessive. We live in a great country and usually, we don't live in fear of being blown to bits and usually, we're not starving. Those of us who have healthy children are lucky and grateful, so Television-scmelivision, IYKWIM. Chill out about it and worry about something serious.

[Clarinet60]

I sometimes subject DS to This Morning. It's half an hour of his programmes then half an hour of mine, if suitable. Share & share alike, that's my motto, otherwise you can end up with little prince syndrome.

[Clarinet60]

I really think our generation beats ourselves up over bringing up children. Our parents and grandparents just got on with one piece of housework after another while the children were left to amuse themselves. And here we are worrying if the tv is left on too long and worrying if we're doing too much housework in front of them, etc,....... we should just give ourselves a pat on the back really for being as good as we are. No wonder older women laugh at us for making such heavy weather of it all.

[Gwynie]

Also wanted to add that DS watches videos for the most part of his 'TV' viewing - I would not subject him to 'This Morning'

[Gwynie]

Whoever mentioned that TV is like a crutch, I think, is right.

For instance, right now, DS is running around playing while I have 'Listen and Learn with Mozart' on the CD (I know, sad), but he takes no more notice of that than he would if the TV were on.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that the music/TV is really for me. I have the TV on when I am at home alone as a form of company, just the same as with the music, as I hate being in a silent house.

Ds is 18 mths so at the mo, when I do try to play with him, he is more interested in exploring on his own.

Maybe when he is older (2?), he will take up a lot more of my time with interactive play.

BTW, that's not to justify having the TV on (in fact, I feel so guilty about it, that I have cut right back), but it gives a reason why some people do it.

[GeorginaA]

Oh and the housework does have to be done - see the bit about selling the house

[GeorginaA]

lol. No, yesterday was a day he loved Bob the Builder.

[willow2]

No anais, he's losing interest in Bob the builder because he (Bob) is xxxx (that's my pov I hasten to add). Also, the age thing starts to come in to play - what they once liked they grow out of. Ds used to like Bob - now he sings: Bob the Builder, is he boring? Yes he is.

[anais]

GeorginaA, did you ever think that maybe he is losing interest in things like Bob the Builder because the tv is left on when he's not really watching? Don't know if that's the case, just a thought.

As for the cleaning thing, well, my house gets by on the bare minimum! Dd (22 months) stands up at the sink while I wash up (ds 4 tends to entertain himself - usually reading), she drifs round with the vacuum cleaner while I vacuum, they will both fetch and carry and put things away. The house would never win a beautiful home award, but it's reasonable, and I'd rather spend the time with the kids playing.

Your ds is old enough to help you with some little chores around the house. Otherwise, just lower your standards a little. There's no point wearing yourself out and stressing yourself out, your son will appreciate a calm relaxed Mummy far more than a spotless house.

[GeorginaA]

One more thing, and I'll go to bed and get some rest, honest!

I know this is way past preschooler age and doesn't have that much relevance, but my tired brain still wants to spit it out into text anyway. I remember there was a kid in my school who's parents refused to have a TV in the house at all. I'm sure it probably did wonders for her concentration span and educational ability. I do know however, that she had a real hard time making friends because most of the playground conversation was about TV we'd watched, or imaginative games based on a TV programme. In retrospect it must have been really hard for her.

Hmm, that reads like a really desperate attempt to justify TV watching... argh I'm doomed

G'night all.

[GeorginaA]

I think the problem lies in that children of that age group generally can't tell the time or follow TV schedules! Also, what they seem to enjoy changes from one day to the next. One day, ds will be enthralled with Bob the Builder to the point where he'll excitedly point out and name all the characters over and over again (and get really cross when the "camera" pans away before he's pointed in time, aw cute!), another day he may only look up at the theme music.

I am not for one moment avocating switching it on all the time. I would shudder to think that ds would ever get to expect the TV on on demand (you'll be pleased to hear that he hear's the word "no" on a regular basis with regard to the TV!). Even though I have resorted to having the TV on as a background "sitter" (because it is easy entertainment in the lull moments when we're having a hard day) on occasions, I still don't think it's good. I do find it next to impossible to stick to the half hour/hour (whatever the newest study says next) simply from the whole chore perspective. I've been avoiding doing chores while he's awake (like hoovering - he hates the hoover, cleaning bathrooms - there's no way he should be in the same room as bleach even if it is supposedly out of reach, etc) simply because that would be yet more time put on his TV allowance and I feel bad enough at the time he does watch TV. Yet I wear myself ragged running around when he's asleep trying to do everything.

At the same time, I'm torn. He does really enjoy some programmes (even if he has never sat down and watched one completely), he does learn things off them, they've also given me ideas for entertainment without TV at other times. I do make sure they're age appropriate - in some ways having satellite really helps (or hinders?!) in that respect. I think I'd be more inclined to cut it right back if he did sit their zombified for that entire half hour - for some reason that would worry me far more.

I know that this still probably mystifies you, and if it helps I'm insanely jealous that you manage to get by on recommended telly doses!

[anais]

Droile, to answer your points one at a time - I am not anti TV and agree that it is a useful educational resource, I also thing that having it switched on all the time detracts from this. I also agree that sitting just staring immobile at the screen is not healthy, but surely if the child is to learn anything then they need to be absorbing and thinking about what they are watching (which is where watching with them so you can discuss it later comes in). I'd rather my kids spent 20 minutes concentrating on a carefully chosen program than drifted in and out while it was constantly on in the backgound.

As far as the noise level in nursery/playgroup, well yes, I guess that is a factor. But surely if they are going to be exposed to that kind of thing in childcare, then surely home should be a place where they can get away from it?

[anais]

GeorginaA, well, personally I tend to do other things whilst doing tv - in fact I rarely just watch tv - but that's part of my wind down when the kids have gone to bed (or not in the case of dd - but thats another point entirely).

As far as the computer use, my ds doesn't use the computer often, but if he's playing games (ie children's educational cd-roms rather than just games)I will sit with him and supervise. He does do 'typing' on word on his own, but to me that is an extension of practising his writing skills.

I just don't understand why, if tv's boring, you don't just switch off. We usually though not always, switch on for a specific program, and then turn it off aferwards.

I don't see the point of having it on - it seems to me it's like a crutch. I just don't understand.

[GeorginaA]

Hmm... fresh air... well we've got warm air heating without the warm air at the moment, does that count? And exercise... yes get plenty of that chasing him around the room with a tube of eye ointment in my hand

Sorry Droile, I couldn't resist, but yes that's a good point.

[Clarinet60]

Also, re background noise and the ability to concentrate on several things at once - switch on your ears next time you drop them off at nursey or playgroup. Noise? Everyone talking at once? Distractions? Sensory overload?!!! The proliferation of nursery places also coincided with the alleged deterioration in reception class communication skills. But they blame it on telly. I'm not claiming to know the answers, I just wish they could be more scientific about it.

[Clarinet60]

There are also studies claiming that TV has resulted in children being more developmentally advanced than their parents and grandparents. I think it's a good thing as long as you also talk to them a lot too, and make sure they get plenty of fresh air and excercise.

[Clarinet60]

anais, I think you make a good point and one I hadn't thought of. However, the reason I don't switch off DS1's program when he leaves it to play with something else is because I fear this may encourage him to sit there glued to it without moving a muscle. I like it when he stays active (by playing) during a program, as I think it's healthier than just sitting there staring. The concentration issue will have to be pondered though.