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Autistic toddler!

80 replies

Sumy · 17/03/2023 17:38

My son is 2.7 years and I have just found out he is autistic, typical symptoms, no pointing, waving, flapping arms, no speech and understanding. Plays with wheels of toys and runs from other children. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m finding it hard to accept, can anyone with a toddler with similar symptoms give me some positive stories please.
posyituvity: he is a lovely smiley, cheeky little boy, great eating and sleeping. Loves going for drives as he is fixated on vechicles, very mischievous, blabbers, if it wasn’t for delayed speech and not following instructions we wouldn’t have figured it out.
emotional mum!

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Ngreen84 · 29/06/2023 19:37

Hi everyone,

god I’m having such a xxxx day. Mum to 3 kids . 9,3,1 and my 3 year old is autistic and non-verbal. It’s so hard I had a complete melt down over someone else’s push along bike today. Screaming the lot. And then pushin his brother over whilst in his hair chair this morning. And he is now chasing the dog and being horrible to her too. Feel a failure today . So hard I try so hard and get what he needs ect and the no understanding is so stressful.

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Sumy · 19/03/2023 16:09

sorey to hear about your daughter. We are on the process for an ehcp.

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MistyFrequencies · 19/03/2023 13:50

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 18/03/2023 20:02

Is it worth a read for parents of verbal children? Mine has a great vocabulary (metamorphosis blew me away today!) but struggles with some pronunciation and speech is limited to requests, observations and echolalia. There's no conversational speech, he's unable to express his feelings etc. Is it still worth adding to my ever growing reading list?

I think from memory their were pieces about using echolalia to develop language e.g. if he struggles to express his feelings you might name them for him so he can use echolalia. For example if you can see he is really excited about a parade instead of saying "oh you are very excited" you might say "I am so excited about the parade" so he can echo you....if your child is very echolalic then looking up Gestalt Language Processing might help too. My boy is definitetly a Gestalt language learner and understanding that really helps.

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MyopicBunny · 19/03/2023 10:54

Yes, definitely apply for DLA and if they refuse your claim make sure you appeal because they often turn down claims because they don't want to pay out.

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MyopicBunny · 19/03/2023 10:52

Hopefully @ppure isn't talking about chelation because that can be very dangerous.

Two of my 4 children are diagnosed autistic and I also am. I was diagnosed at 37. My oldest daughter has very high care needs. One thing that I would change if I could is to have put her into residential school earlier than 14. She was much, much happier in residential school. But everyone's story is different.

The whole thing is a very big learning curve. It would have helped me to understand how stressful the world was for my autistic children.
As it also had been for me as a child.

OP, have you applied for your son to have an ECHP?

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Sumy · 19/03/2023 10:46

Hi there Thank You for the reply. We have started private speech therapy but it’s all play based to get his attention and bucket time all of which I do at home and to be honest better than the private speech therapist who was good. I think I will stop him coming and do it myself as my son can’t do it for 50 minutes either.
will apply for dla too and we are looking into more better senco provision nurseries as his current one is just a daycare device.

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Lifeispassingby · 19/03/2023 01:30

Hi OP I’m a nursery SENCO and have a lot of experience supporting parents with children this age with ASD. My advice would be start claiming DLA and carers allowance if you can and use this to pay for private speech’s bad language therapy. This will top up whatever you get from the NHS (in my area the wait so ridiculous and the amount of sessions available minimal). If he isnt already in nursery get him in to one (once you have DLA you will qualify for funding until the 3 year funding kicks in). Find a nursery with a good SENCO experienced in supporting children with ASD/SEN (including related paperwork) and who can help with EHCP applications etc later down the line for needed. Research early talk and interaction strategies that you can start to use if you aren’t already doing so. Learn with chatterboxes on instagram has some simple ideas. Now on an emotional level, allow yourself to feel what you feel. You need to grieve and move to acceptance and this can take time so don’t be hard on yourself. This is a big deal and you are allowed to struggle with it. Be honest with others about things and allow yourself to process everything because ultimately once you have then you will be able to really focus on moving forward and supporting your child the best way xx

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Sumy · 19/03/2023 01:13

That’s so encouraging, Thank You for sharing

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Lostatsea10 · 18/03/2023 21:12

Is More Than Words worth the read for a parent of a (very) verbal child? He has complex language and understanding of language? Can’t communicate non verbally to save his life and struggles with anger/frustration but not language as such.

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LittleBlueBrioTrain · 18/03/2023 20:02

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/03/2023 19:52

Can I just add to those, including me, who have recommended "More Than Words". I was the only parent on that course that didn't have a non-verbal child. Mine was verbal but struggling with communicating. Everybody else had children who had not uttered a word. I did that course in 2015. The non verbal children are now all VERY verbal. All bar one go to mainstream schools. All are thriving. I do know full well that for some parents, this progress doesn't happen and I am more aware than most of that. However, it's really early days. An early diagnosis is absolutely key and you have a chance to guide your child and make the best of the situation you find yourself in. Please don't be disheartened. You will make it through. Flowers

Is it worth a read for parents of verbal children? Mine has a great vocabulary (metamorphosis blew me away today!) but struggles with some pronunciation and speech is limited to requests, observations and echolalia. There's no conversational speech, he's unable to express his feelings etc. Is it still worth adding to my ever growing reading list?

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bagelbagelbagel · 18/03/2023 20:00

Sumy · 18/03/2023 00:20

Thank You for sharing you lovely sons journey. It’s the unknowing, will he ever talk, drive, work, get married etc that breaks my heart and I feel he isn’t the boy he would have been without autism. At this age he would have been talking to me asking me for chocolate etc but he is playing with hangers, holding on to my nail polish, I just feel robbed of his childhood and although I kno thank god he isn’t in any pain I feel I’ve missed out on him being like other children I guess, it’s a strange feeling.

You feel robbed of the childhood you imagined he would have. It never actually existed. My DS is autistic, delayed in many areas, verbal but very basic and constant work in progress. He has a great childhood. Today we took him to a sensory room for an hour, which he loved. We made pizzas for lunch, which he loved. He ran around the back garden chirping and squeaking happily for a few hours. Now he's tucked up next to me on the sofa watching the same thirty seconds of Teletubbies on repeat, which he loves. He lives his best life event day. Yours will too.

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TheFormidableMrsC · 18/03/2023 19:52

Can I just add to those, including me, who have recommended "More Than Words". I was the only parent on that course that didn't have a non-verbal child. Mine was verbal but struggling with communicating. Everybody else had children who had not uttered a word. I did that course in 2015. The non verbal children are now all VERY verbal. All bar one go to mainstream schools. All are thriving. I do know full well that for some parents, this progress doesn't happen and I am more aware than most of that. However, it's really early days. An early diagnosis is absolutely key and you have a chance to guide your child and make the best of the situation you find yourself in. Please don't be disheartened. You will make it through. Flowers

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Sumy · 18/03/2023 10:29

Thank You

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WarriorN · 18/03/2023 08:14

Sumy · 18/03/2023 00:20

Thank You for sharing you lovely sons journey. It’s the unknowing, will he ever talk, drive, work, get married etc that breaks my heart and I feel he isn’t the boy he would have been without autism. At this age he would have been talking to me asking me for chocolate etc but he is playing with hangers, holding on to my nail polish, I just feel robbed of his childhood and although I kno thank god he isn’t in any pain I feel I’ve missed out on him being like other children I guess, it’s a strange feeling.

Op it's a different childhood but not necessarily one devoid of joy and fun.

It just takes some learning firstly for the adults in his life before he will start to be able to access our confusing world because we access his.

I know many children who have gone on to do so 'well' in life - different definitions of this but the most important is that he's happy and able to emotionally regulate which is supported via supportive communication methods.

especially children and parents who accessed the correct support when young.

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WarriorN · 18/03/2023 08:10

jannier · 17/03/2023 18:54

Another good reputable person to follow is Gina Davies of The Gina Davies Autism Centre.
She was the lady who started Attention Autism and Bucket time.
She's an amazing speaker and trainer who has good advice on all areas of Autism and issues you may need help with.

Oh yes this too!

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WarriorN · 18/03/2023 08:09

Neolara · 17/03/2023 18:17

I'd get the book More Than Words and start trying to use some of the ideas they talk about.

I teach children with autism and would absolutely second third and 4th this. Its a brilliant book and programme. (I think all teachers should do mandatory training on this!)

Also see if local area have early bird training (might be called cygnets now? Which you do with your child's nursery or provision.

There are a number of simple brilliant strategies that really help both you and your child navigate communication and emotional regulation.

speech and Lang therapists and occupational therapists are also absolute life savers. So find out how you can access some support. There may be local charities.

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Sumy · 18/03/2023 00:20

Thank You for sharing you lovely sons journey. It’s the unknowing, will he ever talk, drive, work, get married etc that breaks my heart and I feel he isn’t the boy he would have been without autism. At this age he would have been talking to me asking me for chocolate etc but he is playing with hangers, holding on to my nail polish, I just feel robbed of his childhood and although I kno thank god he isn’t in any pain I feel I’ve missed out on him being like other children I guess, it’s a strange feeling.

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Sumy · 18/03/2023 00:16

Thank You for sharing your beautiful daughters journey, brought a smile to my face x

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Frozen9 · 17/03/2023 23:22

My daughter was diagnosed at 4. She has a neurological condition from prematurity, we weren’t sure if she would walk or talk, but eventually she did and then the autism diagnosis came along.

I fought my arse off. I contacted local charities, they offered so many opportunities, befriending, DLA support, sign language , courses about autism, and how to get the right school support. I did a course with Open University too and completed the full Makaton course to the point I could have gone on to be a tutor. All because I kept my foot in the door of everything I could.

but I do wish I hadn’t worried as much as I did too.

she is 13 now. Honestly the sunshine in everyone’s life. In mainstream, great support at high school, well loved by everyone and such a positive character. My husband was diagnosed at 40, this year.

I forget sometimes that she has autism. You adapt to the point it’s completely “normal”

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LittleBlueBrioTrain · 17/03/2023 23:12

Sumy · 17/03/2023 22:05

Thank You for the post, I pray you sons flourish.

Yours will too

Autistic toddler!
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Lavender1974 · 17/03/2023 22:45

Ahhh I remember so well what it felt when we first realised when our son was around the same age as yours. Your description sounds very similar to our son as a toddler. My son is 13 now and things are so different to how I was imagining back then. Life is good and I wish I could go back to sad me then and tell her not to worry so much as we have all found our groove and even though my son is very behind academically (other autistic students in his class are not though) he has a full life and I don’t feel sad anymore. Of course there have been challenges but honestly we have found that awareness is much better these days and in general friends/family/school/general public have been understanding and supportive. When I look into the future I see him having a place in the world and lots of fun times. I think if you could forward wind 10 years you would be amazed and feel so much better. Big hugs though as I get it.

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Sumy · 17/03/2023 22:39

Beautiful

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Sumy · 17/03/2023 22:39

Thank You so much

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Sumy · 17/03/2023 22:35

Thank You, very insightful

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MistyFrequencies · 17/03/2023 22:34

You will be fine. You are asking questions and looking for how to best parent your boy, so hes one of the lucky ones already to have a mum like you.
My boys sensory was a lot about food, only ate dry crunchy things (dry cereal, dry toast), and touch- he loved tight hugs, was always leaning heavily into us/on us but if you liightly touched him he would lose his shit. And hated water. With OT hes now bathing once a week, eating a wider range of foods, and generally just a happier kid. As well as the leaps and bounds hes made in communication, from non speaking at nearly 3 to never-shuts-up at 4 5yrs. ts definitely helped us, so i hope it may help you too.

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