My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

[Clockwise123]

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.


My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
   
2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
   
3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.
   

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"


Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

[Ursuladevinia82]

How long have you all lived together?

how well does your son and your girlfriends son get on?

[Clymene]

Gosh the dynamic between the two kids must be brilliant

[ManchesterGirl2]

Why is your girlfriend's son close friends with a group of bullies? I'd worry that there are bigger issues with this living arrangement.

[Eastereggsboxedupready]

Your gf can't want her ds hanging around with them surely? Imo you need to reconsider where your relationship goes from here....

[Nimbostratus100]

well, I would say no, because it wont be one-off, will it

If you establish the precedent these bullys can enter your home, they have literally crossed a boundary

Who's home is it? Is it yours? It would be a clear no from me

Your GF son sees these boys elsewhere

[CatChant]

No, that is unacceptable. You must not allow his bullies into your child’s home at any time.

[QuertyGirl]

I'd flatly refuse.

It's your son's home and the bullies should never set foot in it

[ourflagmeansdeath]

If they bullied him so bad he had to switch schools, then your stepson shouldn't be friends with them at all really. Talk to your girlfriend about that. Are your son and stepson close, and is your son aware that your stepson is friends with the bullies??

[Actionstations]

Is whether they were actually bullying him in doubt? If it isn't then I would not have them in the house. If your SS wants to spend his birthday with them they can all go somewhere else to celebrate.

[Ursuladevinia82]

This doesn’t sound like run of the mill bullying

this sounds very very serious

your girlfriend doesn’t care. Her son doesn’t care.

Why are you subjecting yourself son to this homelife

[PeekAtYou]

The fact that your gf is ok with her son being friends with your son's bullies is a major red flag. It wouldn't be happening in my house and I would break up over this.

[Jux]

I wouldn't trust them having access to his things.

[HazyDragon]

Awful. That's all I can say really.

Whose house is it? I think you need to rethink your living arrangements and relationship tbh.

[QuertyGirl]

@PeekAtYou

The fact that your gf is ok with her son being friends with your son's bullies is a major red flag. It wouldn't be happening in my house and I would break up over this.

This.

You can get another GF

[MoneyInTheBananaStand]

You are correct

Your step son can meet up with his friends outside his house. You are not preventing them being friends, or meeting up, or celebrating together. But your house is out of bounds. Don't let down your DS because your gf wants to invite his bullies round - and I would really question what sort of person she is to think this is in any way a reasonable ask.

[Brendabigbaps]

@Jux

I wouldn't trust them having access to his things.

This.
if they’re bullies, and they know the connection, they’re going to have a field day!

[CatChant]

@PeekAtYou

The fact that your gf is ok with her son being friends with your son's bullies is a major red flag. It wouldn't be happening in my house and I would break up over this.

I agree.

[Dominoeffecter]

No way on Gods green earth should you allow this/be party to it.

[SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox]

Absolute no.
He isn't missing out he's protecting hours family.
The gf soon can go to their house.
They don't get to come to yours and enjoy your hospitality when they've bullied him into moving school!!!
No no no no no no no

[SlipSlidinAway]

You all live together but your step son doesn't want to celebrate his birthday with your son? He's going to be at his mum's?
Your step-son is happy to be friends with boys that have seriously bullied your son. Why? Doesn't he have any empathy with your son? Doesn't sound like they have a great relationship.

The suggestion that his bullies are invited into your son's home - whether or not he is present - is outrageous.

[drpet49]

@PeekAtYou

The fact that your gf is ok with her son being friends with your son's bullies is a major red flag. It wouldn't be happening in my house and I would break up over this.

This. Please protect and stand up for your son OP.

[SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox]

Dump the girlfriend she sounds utterly insensitive and selfishly focused on her child only

[Btjdkfnn]

Fucking hell

in the short term, I suggest you get his bedroom door locked so those bullies can’t go in there.

in the long term, assess why you are with GF
id wonder if her ds is a bully if he hangs around with bullies

[Spiderboy]

Absolutely not. I’d imagine it t could be quite traumatic for a child to know their bully is in their safe space, their home, amongst their things. Truly awful really.

[Ursuladevinia82]

Either made up

or

They moves in together after less than 6 months and it’s been an absolute shit for the kids involved (there will be multiple) every day since.