What were the struggles you experienced which made you think you may be ND?

[Limeseverywhere]

I keep reading on sm various people’s stories regarding their journey to diagnosis and how, after diagnosis they felt such relief because they had always felt different or they had struggled so much through life and now know why that was.
FWIW, I am 49 and have had issues since a very young child. I only stumbled across details regarding ND issues and older women recently and a light bulb exploded in my head and the more I follow people’s stories the more it resonates with me. It’s the only thing which make sense more than anything else which has been suggested to me over the years in which I have struggled.
What were the struggles you experience through life that now, post diagnosis you realise were ND traits and that NT people would probably never understand or experience?

[RedorangeyellowBLACK]

Thank you everyone (name changed btw).
I hope you don’t mind but I’m writing many of your posts down (for when/if I get assessed) as your posts literally tel the tale of how I have lived my life, so much resonates.
As others have mentioned, Menopause must make things worse, I am in perimenopause and going through a very stressful time atm but I have been this way since childhood.
I just now need to pluck up the courage to go talk to my gp and hope and pray they take me seriously.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

My kid. I realised that every time someone said she should get a diagnosis, I said, "that's normal". Oops, neither of us are.

She has a completely classic ADHD diagnosis (unusual for a girl) and I do too.

Although I knew my brother was undiagnosed ASD from childhood!

[PurpleThistles]

I realised when I was 35.

Oversharing.
Able to chit chat easily enough but panicking on the inside that the other person thinks I'm boring, or weird etc.
Can't tolerate overhead lights, I live by lamplight.
Going through phases of intense interest in something, learning as much as I can about it until I think I'm good at it, then dropping it and doing the same again with something else.
Taking on someone's likes and dislikes when making friendships or when in relationships.
Constantly losing day to day things, finding them in the most random of places.
Going into panic whenever I have to be somewhere at short notice and if one thing goes wrong, unable to go.
I can make eye contact but the longer I hold it the more panicked I become.
Unable to stick to routines/plans/goals and going through cycles of trying to get them in place, unable to maintain, give up and try again.
Constantly overwhelming myself trying to do everything 'right'.
Depressive episode every three years.
Extreme reactions to loss of friendships or relationships.
Unable to cope with interruption when focussed on something and unable to return back to it after the interruption.

I have three ND children, two NT children. For years I thought the first fours father was ND. It was quite a shock when I began realising that actually it's me.

[Caminante]

@Ohfortheloveofgodwhatnow

Yes to all pp’s!!

Social anxiety.
Oversharing.
Overthinking and under thinking.
Looking to others to try and get a sense of how to behave - I did this from very very young. I’ve been aware of being different pretty much all my life but in my 50s now and because of my child’s issues I’ve realised in the last 2 years what it is.
Hearing/processing issues.
Tried to correct the ‘not looking in the eye’ thing but now feel I stare too intently- ugh!
Feel like I’m ‘pretending’ all the time.
Practising conversations - is that a nd thing? I thought everyone did it!!

All of this for sure!!

[Ohfortheloveofgodwhatnow]

Yes to all pp’s!!

Social anxiety.
Oversharing.
Overthinking and under thinking.
Looking to others to try and get a sense of how to behave - I did this from very very young. I’ve been aware of being different pretty much all my life but in my 50s now and because of my child’s issues I’ve realised in the last 2 years what it is.
Hearing/processing issues.
Tried to correct the ‘not looking in the eye’ thing but now feel I stare too intently- ugh!
Feel like I’m ‘pretending’ all the time.
Practising conversations - is that a nd thing? I thought everyone did it!!

[Caminante]

@imayhavelostmymarbles

Hmm reading this thread may be my moment!
Oversharing
Social anxiety
Feeling very awkward in social groups
Looking for others to how to dress/react/exist.
Lack of motivation
Being "peopled out"

Yes to all of that. Diagnosed about 18 months ago.

Add to that...various obsessions over the years. Alcohol problem, haven't had a drink for 5 years. As a child that manifested as a sugar addiction! Directionless, no vision of the future. No ambition. But also chronically self critical.

As a pp has mentioned, menopause has brought all of this to the surface. All motivation for anything has gone, everything is empty and boring.

[RedPlumbob]

But

• struggle to socialise
• forgetting all the things
• couldn’t focus
• couldn’t prioritise
• constant fidgeting
• sensory issues
• drifting off during conversations
• losing all the things
• couldn’t keep the house clean or tidy (but not to concerning levels, just messy Enoch to make people be nasty)
• exhausted by socialising even with people I like
• repetitive, intrusive thoughts
• over sharing or being silent - either way I was deemed “rude” “weird”

[RedPlumbob]

I didn’t have a clue.

I went to Uni aged 32, and was screened at their MH services (anxiety and depression that, not surprisingly, has more or less gone now I have the correct Dx, medication and coping strategies) .

I was baffled when I scored alarmingly high on all fronts.

[AlwaysHopeful]

@imayhavelostmymarbles

Hmm reading this thread may be my moment!
Oversharing
Social anxiety
Feeling very awkward in social groups
Looking for others to how to dress/react/exist.
Lack of motivation
Being "peopled out"

All of the above. Makes me happy and sad to now understand it.

[AceofPentacles]

Never fitted in at school
Then left at 14 as I didn't understand any of it due to poor processing/exec function
Used drugs and alcohol to socialise
Crap at socialising now I don't do drugs or drink
Had to get a GP letter for my course, it said "history of clinical depression since age 15" and that was it
In all my childhood photos I look blank or sad
Obsessions
Practising conversations - I did this ALL THE TIME never realised it was a thing
Realise not all of these are struggles but definitely what led to a lightbulb moment

[Iguessyourestuckwithme]

I've wondered on and off for a couple of years then read an article about women and autism and it all clicked.

What hasn't helped is finding out everybody around me knew and thought I already knew.

[Inthemane]

Always having to practise conversations before they happen
Having to put on a fake mask to be (sort of) accepted, having a fear of being pointed out as different
Being described as weird, anxious, awkward, cold, haughty...when I thought I was doing my best to fit in
Finding eye contact, especially with strangers, physically painful
Sounds/smells unbearably intense
Rubbish out of my comfort zone eg. holidays, new jobs, parties
Running out of words, especially with small talk
Always on the periphery, feeling like I don't quite get it unless with ND people
Hyperlexia and echolalia (not a struggle but often pointed out as 'different')
High IQ, scholarship then fell apart in secondary school
Fabrics, labels, shoes all physically painful
Find work in an office very difficult due to sensory environment and also masking
Realising my 'daydream' was disassociation from too much input
Bone-deep exhaustion after social events, workdays

A psychiatrist suggested to my sibling that they might be autistic and we started discussing it in the context of my father...there was a bit of an "ahhhh" moment!

Having said all of the above, knowing I am most likely autistic (starting diagnostic process at the age of 47) has given me some tools to use and lets me be a bit kinder to myself. I never book social events back to back, factor in down time, work from home, wear headphone outside and don't sweat the small talk. Getting older has been great for not worrying so much about what people think of me; it's actually a good filter to find the really interesting folk (both NT and ND)!

[imayhavelostmymarbles]

Hmm reading this thread may be my moment!
Oversharing
Social anxiety
Feeling very awkward in social groups
Looking for others to how to dress/react/exist.
Lack of motivation
Being "peopled out"

[WinterDeWinter]

@InattentiveADHD me too, almost word for word, although I can do social stuff as long as I can overshare ;-)
@jlpartnerrs do you feel there is a relationship between your ADHD and alcohol problem?

[Appleseesaw]

Just to say, the hearing thing could be an auditory processing disorder.

[jlpartnerrs]

I'm currently on a waiting list to get on the waiting list to be seen for a possible ADHD diagnosis. In the meantime there are several clues.

My childhood was disrupted many times and I went to seven schools, including 3 senior schools. I sat the first year of GCSE's and the three/five subjects that interested me I gained good grades in, despite having an attendance record of 30% due to bullying and what I now know was anxiety and chronic health issues. Then I've flitted around jobs, did well in project management but was unable to gain qualifications as unable to submit portfolio's although I did pass any and all exams when interested in the subject (only part qualified accountant for instance)
My life fell apart when I had kids and a barely managed to get them to school on time and with the right equipment - I had visual timetables by the door ostensibly for the later-diagnosed-dyspraxic son but actually a huge help for me. I constantly live in chaos, barely keeping a lid on it.
I'm a recovering alchoholic practising a 12 step program. Currently not working as all my energy goes into keeping a lid on the emotional chaos and dealing with ....
The menopause and staying sober. Both appear to use up all my cognative abilities, I lose things all the time, especially time, I find planning and organising a home hard work and since deciding that there must be something underlying the amount of energy expended to stay on top of even the most basic things, and I feel that I would happily stare at a wall all day right now, which has been for about two years, it would be quite nice to have a concrete explanation for this. I decided to stop calling myself lazy because I am capable of great things when I am motivated, it just feels like my motivation has taken an extended holiday and I don't know when it will be back.

[housemaus]

Having a drastic, huge burnout/breakdown every 1 - 2 years since starting university - I realise it wasn't normal to be so overwhelmed by trying to do things how everyone else did them that I burnt myself out regularly. I've always joked about being a chaotic, messy, last-minute person with procrastination issues and a million-miles-an-hour brain but always kind of assumed I'd grow out of it - the hardest part of my diagnosis a few years ago has been realising that I won't. That's been very difficult to come to terms with as I've had to learn to work round that instead of trying to ignore it/working against it (resulting in the regular burn out).

[Limeseverywhere]

InattentiveADHD your list is identical to mine and I have also had my hearing tested as I truly believed I had hearing loss as I too can not hear people in those situations and yep, I have perfect hearing too!

[InattentiveADHD]

Never fitting in
Social skills difficulties
Easily overwhelmed and anxious
Needing stress to operate
Underachieving at work and school compared to potential
Having to work excessive hours to maintain a pretence of keeping up
Not being able to maintain any system of organisation
Being habitually late despite my efforts
Chronically bored
Huge oversharer
Struggle to start and finish
Feeling confused a lot
Starting in the middle
No sense of time passing
Using 100 words when 10 will do
Easily distracted/can't focus/head jumps about from one thing to the next.

But two things made me realise. Coming across an article about inattentive ADHD in women. Previously I hadn't really understood ADHD even though my DS was diagnosed years ago. Then the second thing was going to have my hearing tested as I couldn't hear in groups or when there was background noise, and being told my hearing was fine, it was an "attention issue".

I was diagnosed about two years ago, aged about 47.

[ladygindiva]

Always struggled, and suspected. Recently when the only one of my 3 children whom I completely " get" was described by her reception class teacher as being potentially autistic and we are on a pathway to diagnosis, everything being said about her is true of me. Kind of finalised my realisation.

[Limeseverywhere]

IdisagreeMrHochhauser I have many of those experiences too. And I have been told many, many times that I am weird. It used to upset me immensely but now I am older I quite like being weird!

[IdisagreeMrHochhauser]

For me the final penny dropping moment was when I was having a meltdown because my TV was behaving very illogically and I couldn't understand why it wasn't working and started screaming (this might be an extreme example).

Less extreme:

• social anxiety
• fear of using the phone
• excellent academic record but failing at work
• people saying that I was 'nice but weird' to my face!!